10 Not-So-Helpful Things to Do for My Spouse

 
Recently I wrote a post about the subject of helping my husband. You can refer to it here, if you’d like.

But the idea got me to thinking … there are lots of ways I can help my husband but …

There are also a lot of ways that I think I’m helping my husband when I’m really hurting him or blocking his growth.

So I’m going to list some of those not-so-helpful ways for you today.

My not-so-helpful list:

  1. When I point out how my husband needs to grow or change before looking at my own need for growth.
  2. When I think that sarcasm is a funny way to get my point (or criticism) across to my hubster.
  3. When I think that suffering silently is an unselfish way of giving to him, when it’s really taking away his chance to minister to a need in my life. 
  4. When I bite my tongue before saying my thoughts (which can be good/helpful) but hold onto the resentment that sparked the thought in the first place.
  5. When I think I’m getting to the heart of the matter by assuming his motives, instead of just asking him what he meant or did—then believing him when he tells me! 
  6. When I withhold information in an effort to avoid a fight … The end does not justify the means!
  7. When I “guilt him” into doing something for me that might be good/helpful … Again, end doesn’t justify means!
  8. When I vent to God and friends about him, thinking I’m releasing my frustrations and addressing the problem.
  9. When I keep score on how much he’s given to me versus how much I’ve given him, in an effort to “balance” the scales in our marriage. 
  10. When I feel like arguing over a matter will convince my husband of the truth my truth, when actually God is calling me to a higher place of grace. 


Now, remember, my list is not exhaustive, so perhaps you could add a few more of your own in the comment section below! If you would, that would be super, fantastic and extra-splendilly-ishesly helpful to me as well!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24 (NIV)

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Linking up with NOBH, Imperfect Prose, To Love Honor and Vacuum, and New Life Steward

    • Beth I so identify! Esp # 3, 4, 5, 6, 10 🙂 # 5 is often a challenge for me. Wiping my mental slate clean and removing all misconceptions and assumptions is not always easy. Sometimes i wish there was ‘truth pill’ lol, something to take a way the sneaky ‘all knowing’ thoughts!

      • Yep, they are ALL tricky for me, Ngina. 🙂 Thanks so much for coming by, weighing in and encouraging me, friend! Hugs to you!

    • Beth I so identify! Esp # 3, 4, 5, 6, 10 🙂 # 5 is often a challenge for me. Wiping my mental slate clean and removing all misconceptions and assumptions is not always easy. Sometimes i wish there was ‘truth pill’ lol, something to take a way the sneaky ‘all knowing’ thoughts!

    • Kimberly Green

      #2 …..SOOOOOOO GUILTY. Guilty of others too, but that smacks me in the face the most.

      • That’s because you’re so splendilly-ishesly great with words, my friend. And, no, I was not being sarcastic! 🙂 We need to pray for each other on this one, don’t ya think?! Thanks Kimberly for coming by and encouraging me that I’m not the only sassy mouth!

    • Kimberly Green

      #2 …..SOOOOOOO GUILTY. Guilty of others too, but that smacks me in the face the most.

    • Mia

      Hi Beth
      You are such a gem with this post. I had to smile all the time I was reading. I agree 100% with keeping quiet to avoid a fight, for then you usually fight in any case deep in your heart. Honesty is my moto, speaking the truth in love.
      Much love XX
      Mia

      • Yes, but finding that balance is soooo hard sometimes, Mia. But I must say, learning to bite my tongue and then pray about “my” attitude has brought much better results. Dealing with it later and through prayer helps me to say it with love. Thanks my friend!

    • Mia

      Hi Beth
      You are such a gem with this post. I had to smile all the time I was reading. I agree 100% with keeping quiet to avoid a fight, for then you usually fight in any case deep in your heart. Honesty is my moto, speaking the truth in love.
      Much love XX
      Mia

    • Elizabeth Stewart

      This is a really good, and wise, post!

    • Elizabeth Stewart

      This is a really good, and wise, post!

      • Thanks so much, Elizabeth. I appreciate you saying and coming by!

    • Boy was this a convicting list for me 🙂 Sometimes I know as soon as I do or say something that I shouldn’t have, but unfortunately pride keeps me from correcting. Def something I need to work on.

      • Yes, and the trouble with this list is that I believe the lie in the worst of times–that these strategies actually work or help my husband. Ugh! You’d think I’d know by now … and perhaps I do. I just need to apply my knowledge in the heat of the moment. Thanks so much for coming by, Aualecia

    • aualecia

      Boy was this a convicting list for me 🙂 Sometimes I know as soon as I do or say something that I shouldn’t have, but unfortunately pride keeps me from correcting. Def something I need to work on.

    • messymarriage

      Yep, they are ALL tricky for me, Ngina. 🙂 Thanks so much for coming by, weighing in and encouraging me, friend! Hugs to you!

    • messymarriage

      That’s because you’re so splendilly-ishesly great with words, my friend. And, no, I was not being sarcastic! 🙂 We need to pray for each other on this one, don’t ya think?! Thanks Kimberly for coming by and encouraging me that I’m not the only sassy mouth!

    • messymarriage

      Yes, but finding that balance is soooo hard sometimes, Mia. But I must say, learning to bite my tongue and then pray about “my” attitude has brought much better results. Dealing with it later and through prayer helps me to say it with love. Thanks my friend!

    • messymarriage

      Thanks so much, Elizabeth. I appreciate you saying and coming by!

    • messymarriage

      Yes, and the trouble with this list is that I believe the lie in the worst of times–that these strategies actually work or help my husband. Ugh! You’d think I’d know by now … and perhaps I do. I just need to apply my knowledge in the heat of the moment. Thanks so much for coming by, Aualecia

    • Gindi Eckel Vincent

      This is SO true. I think I’ve done all of these, plus some. I found you from your comment on my post and I’m so glad I did – you’re a bookmarked words of wisdom for me now. Thank you for sharing your heart, and your experience!

      • Wow, you’ve blessed me with your words, Gindi! I’m so glad you found it helpful and like the site. Great to meet up with you!

    • This is SO true. I think I’ve done all of these, plus some. I found you from your comment on my post and I’m so glad I did – you’re a bookmarked words of wisdom for me now. Thank you for sharing your heart, and your experience!

    • messymarriage

      Wow, you’ve blessed me with your words, Gindi! I’m so glad you found it helpful and like the site. Great to meet up with you!