10 Reasons "Why There’s No Such Thing as a Soul-Mate"

Easter Bunny 4-13-09 IMG_2441
photo credit by stevendepolo (Flickr)

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that I fiercely and regularly attempt to debunk the whole soul-mate mythology that’s so rampant in our society.

So, to drive home my thoughts even more, I’ve decided to share 10 reasons why I think it’s simply a crock that will derail your marriage quicker than a Kim Kardashian marriage! Read on …

  1. God put a desire for the Divine within each of us, and it can’t be satisfied with a finite human beingno matter how good looking he or she is.
  2. A belief in a soul-mate is just as child-like and immature as a belief in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
  3. Humans will fail us every time, which regularly crushes the “meant-for-each-other” feeling.
  4. God’s plan for our lives involves learning to trust Him; and a soul-mateif one existedwould keep us spiritually flabby. 
  5. If you did manage to find the perfect soul-mate out there, he/she would not want to be married to youa flawed, irritating human being!
  6. Very often a “soul-mate” is only a function (or dysfunction) of an over-active imagination coupled with an unhealthy attempt to meet a legitimate need with a counterfeit substitute.
  7. God wants us to experience the beauty He brings out of redeeming our messes, which can only be experienced in a non-soul-mate, human, and surrendered kind of relationship.
  8. The idea of a soul-mate was man’s made-up idea and the idea of a spouse or help-meet was God’s perfectly imperfect idea plan.
  9. If we’re looking for someone to “complete” us, then we’re only half a person, which may be our perception, but it’s not a healthy dynamic to build a relationship upon.
  10. If there is such a thing as a soul-mate, it’s not based upon a fateful, star-struck meeting, but a lifetime of living out commitment, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, trust, kindness and love to and for our spouse.   
Tell me what you think. Do you resist the belief that soul-mates are a fantasy? Or are you resting in the beautiful humanity of your sometimes messy marriage because, through your surrender to God, He has taught you how to really love?     

Today’s Post is Linked to – 

No Ordinary Blog Hop and      
JourneyTowardsEpiphany
  • Pammywatson

    By that definition, Beth, all of our spouses are just perfect for us. :o)
    Pam

  • messymarriage

    Isn’t that the truth! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by to encourage me, Pam! You’re the best!

  • This is my first visit (through Living Well Wednesdays) so I haven’t read your other posts about “soul mates”.

    Having said that, I do agree that even though I love my husband dearly, and he’s been my best friend for 30+ years (married for almost 28), I’d never call him my soul-mate.

    My soul belongs to God. I am preparing me/it to be (hopefully) part of the Bride of Christ, His Son. Who, other than Jesus, could be my soul’s Mate?

    (just my off-the-cuff, first reaction response… for what it’s worth) 🙂

  • Rosann

    I believe when a relationship/marriage works, it’s usually because Christ is at the center of it. Not because the two are soul mates. With that said, I also believe my husband is a gift from God. 🙂

  • messymarriage

    Great thoughts – “my soul belongs to God.” That’s so true, Lori. Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog! 🙂

  • messymarriage

    Yes, God needs to be the focus–not our need to be loved by another human. Great thoughts, Rosann! Thanks for stopping by!

  • soulstops

    I agree that we need God’s love to enable to truly love our spouse because we are all naturally selfish. Each person must find his/her identity in Christ. It is out of His love first given to us that we are able to love like Him. Blessings, Beth.

  • I’ve always been confused by the term soul mate. My soul is mated with God. and love is a choice. I must choose daily to love my husband. and no matter how much I love him, he can’t have my soul. it’s already taken.
    That being said — I do believe God has designed us with the ability to find someone of the opposite sex that compliments areas we may lack. and it’s easier to choose to daily love someone when you see how they make you better. does that make sense? it does to me 😉
    great thoughts, Beth! thanks for sharing!

  • messymarriage

    Thanks, Dolly! I appreciate you stopping by! 🙂

  • messymarriage

    I agree that God helps us find someone who is a good fit, but sometimes the “fit” rubs off some of the rough spots too. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and encouragement!

  • I can truthfully say that difficult relationships (including difficulties in marriage) have brought me to my knees, closer to God, and closer to love, and learning what love means. 🙂
    I especially like #4 from your list.

  • messymarriage

    I like number 4 too and have to remind myself that God is chipping away the unnecessary and unhealthy areas of my life with my mate as part of that process. Thanks for stopping by!

  • hi Beth,

    i liked #4 too, but #7 was my favorite, i think.

    oh, it’s messy alright! i have a mess in my lap at the present moment that i am not exactly sure what to do with. i can honestly say that i have seen God’s redemptive power in my own life, and i have found it to be true that it’s ALL for HIS glory!! my sister who is single and almost 30 said to me the other day that it has dawned on her that soul-mates may not exist–that there are a lot of Christians who believe this way, and if it’s true, then the little bit of hope that he was out there and she just had to wait for God to bring him–is now all dashed and she is left with nothing to cling to. i felt sad for her–i could feel her helplessness. found you at Painting Prose. blessings to you!

  • You have a point but Is that wrong in believing in a thing that others believe on it.

  • messymarriage

    I don’t feel qualified to get into a theological discussion about predestination, but I do think that God is intimately involved in all of our choices, in particular whom we marry. I’m not saying that God only has one person for us, but I certainly think He knows who we will marry and has very specific and redemptive purposes for our lives and relationships.

    Aside from that issue, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling, Nacole. Know that I will pray for you and hope that you find some helpful articles and resources here. Hugs*

  • messymarriage

    I’m not sure I completely understand your question. But if I am, I would say that these are just my beliefs and people can take or leave them. If you’re not sure, I’d suggest praying and seeking good Christian counsel on the matter.

  • Bravo! I have long been an advocate of debunking these hurtful believes about love and marriage. soul-mate=lust in most cases or over dependence on one human being as you’ve wisely noted. Although God wants us to be attracted to our spouse, and although He wants us to learn to depend on one another in community, He never wants our flesh to dictate our relationships, or to put our trust and hope in another. We are to depend on each other through faith in Him, not instead of Him. Thank you for sharing this important post with the Painting Prose community. It’s always good to remember that love is a choice and not always the most compelling one!

  • Great thoughts, thanks for sharing with NOBH!

  • messymarriage

    That’s a good point, Kimberly. “Soul-mate” really is just an indirect way to describe lust or infatuation taking over. The sad part is that so many people don’t realize the value, depth and abiding joy that a couple experiences when they put Christ as their heart’s focus in marriage. Thanks so much for stopping by and encouraging me!

  • messymarriage

    Thanks for coming by, Carrie!

  • People, Learn to think for yourself and feel the walls become sand beneath your feet! Christ as we have been forced to believe in is just an illusion created by the powers that be of our societies.

    • Sorry, you’ve got the wrong Christian. I haven’t listened to man-made “religion” in a long time. My “rock” is Christ and He, Himself, whispers His love to me … and to you. I hope you find peace instead of the turmoil I sense in your words. 🙂