4 Healing Ways to Pray for Your Marriage And Linkup

When my marriage was at its messiest, I found healing and perspective not only through God’s word, but also through prayer.

If someone asked me what two items I would want to bring with me if I were stranded on a deserted island, I would probably say a “lamp” and a “phone.” But this isn’t so I can snap “selfies” by the day or night, but for a whole other reason entirely. 😉
Pray for MarriageIn a figurative sense, whenever I’m in a desperate situation, I bring with me God’s word (a lamp for my feet, Psalm 119:105) and prayer (my way of communicating with the Person who matters the most).

So in the series, Slow, Know and Grow, I’m discussing how to “know” God better through prayer, and as a result, find healing and empowerment for your marriage.

[Tweet “Know God better through prayer so that you feel empowered in a messy marriage.”]

4 Healing Ways to Pray for Your Marriage . . .

1. Pray to Jesus like He is your best Friend—because He is!
If you’re talking with your best friend you wouldn’t try to impress him or her with big theological terms or speak in a lofty preacher voice, now would you? Your best friend loves and accepts you as you are and wants you to interact without pretense or swagger.

Jesus said in John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

2. Pray tear-soaked prayers.
Whenever I am brokenhearted over my life and marriage, I let the tears flow freely before the Lord. That has been so comforting and healing for me and it can be for you too.

[Tweet “Pray tear-soaked prayers over your messy marriage. #Godcomforts”]

3. Pray Scripture over your messy and wounded marriage.
This means using a Bible verse as the basis of how you pray for yourself and your marriage. There are so many great verses that you could use for this. “Hover” over some I’m providing here to see the full verse(s) – Matthew 7:1-2, Matthew 7:3-4, Mark 11:25, 1 Cor. 4:12-13a, 1 Cor. 13:4-8a, Ephesians 4:29, 1 Peter 4:8.

4. Pray regarding what you’ve just read in the Bible.
Every time I have my quiet time, I think through and write out a prayer based on what I’ve just read in the Bible. Here’s an excerpt from one of my prayers following a reading of Psalm 51:10-14 where David was confronted by Nathan the prophet regarding his affair with Bathsheba . . .

Dear Father,
I know I need to allow Your truths and love to penetrate far beyond the surface of my heart, just like David needed. So I ask You, have I let You in every nook and cranny of my life? I know the answer is no—at least not a resounding yes. But how do I do that? How do I allow You to penetrate every fiber of my being? By obeying when it isn’t easy? By remembering whose I am? By being gracious and forgiving like You instead of ruminating on how my husband wasn’t so warm and fuzzy this morning? Yes, to all of the above! This is not easy, Father. It is very painful to live with my life surrendered to You. Yet I know that I have no other choice but to follow You, for You are my Love and Light in life!

Do you see how convicting praying God’s word can be in your life? Do you understand how this can bring perspective and healing to your marriage and life? I hope so!

[Tweet “Christian Bloggers, come join From Messes to Messages linkup! #MessyMarriage”]

One more thing before you go, you’re invited to join a private Facebook group going through my 6-week Bible study of 1 Peter beginning the week of April 2, 2017. Remember, my study notes will only take you about 5 minutes to read each day, but I also provide a method for you to glean these Scriptural gems for yourself, if you’d like.

Study Bible
So if you’d like to be added to the group that is currently forming, friend me at Beth Oster Steffaniak and request this. To find out more details about the study, click on my Bible Study page.


What is another way you pray that has brought healing to your heart and marriage?


What have you discovered about God through your prayers?


Be sure to scroll down to comment below!

Here are some lovely linkups I joinChristian Blogger Community, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Testimony Tuesday, Writer Wednesday, Coffee and Conversation, Coffee for Your Heart, Faith and Friends, Sitting Among Friends, Moments of Hope, Literary Musing Mondays, Fresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday

Let’s Get this ‘From Messes to Messages’ Linkup Started!
Add any links that are uplifting, helpful and encouraging to our spiritual lives, marriages and families! Be sure to add a link on your blog back to “From Messes to Messages” or Messy Marriage as well. For linkup guidelines/button, click here.

Messy Marriage



  1. Beth, it is so good to be here this week! I needed these reminders ♥ I’m really praying about joining your study. I am frazzled right now, though, and don’t want to add what God is not calling me to even when it is a GOOD thing! I know I need some accountability and direction with my time in God’s Word, though. Bless you, sweet friend!

    • I understand being frazzled and unsure of taking on another “plate” to spin, Lori! I know God will lead you into what you need to do or not do. I’m like you and want to do so many “good” things but then it becomes bad because I can’t handle them all. Yes, accountability is so very important to keep our sacred habit going, especially when our lives are so busy that it’s hard to find the time. I hope you find that balance, my friend, and I’m so grateful to have you in the linkup today! You are a gem!

  2. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says:

    This is great, Beth, and your four suggestions are splendid…though, as you may imagine, tear-soaked prayers are not in my repertoire (which is my failing).

    One suggestion I would make – building on #4 in your list, praying over that which has just been red in Scripture – is to go through the Psalms one by one, and formulate a prayer for one’s marriage based on each one. If done once a week this is roughly a three-year process, and I feel that one per week is appropriate; several days of consideration are required to perform an adequate job.

    While some of the Psalms may seem distant from marriage considerations, this is not the case, for they fundamentally relate to all that unties us with the Almighty. Psalm 14, for example, a lament over widespread corruption, can be taken as the manner in which societal corruption coarsens our feelings and attitudes (in anger or cynicism) and how that affects the dynamics of the marriage relationship. That would seem to be worthy of a specific and heartfelt prayer.


    • i love the psalms …

    • Thank you, Andrew! I love your idea about reading through the Psalms with your mate. I love the Psalms and agree that even though some were meant for the people of Israel or were about God’s disapproval of their corruption, we can all relate! I know there’s been a lot of corruption over the years in my marriage and my husband would agree. We need those messages that speak so powerfully to our hearts and minds. Gary and I have been going through my Bible studies together (most recently 2 Samuel), so we talk about our quiet times frequently. But it’s always an encouragement and draws us closer together. Thanks for your wise words here, my friend! Praying for you daily!

  3. pioneerpat1 says:

    That is a great prayer, will have to cut it out and save it. Thank you,

    Hope you have a wonderful rest of the week and thanks for hosting.

    • Thank you, Patrick! I hope it blesses your life and relationships, my friend! I am looking forward to relaxing a bit since I’ve been on the go on my vacation. One good thing came of being on the go–even though I ate too much, I didn’t gain any weight! ha!

  4. Something about this post reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, “When stuff happens do you run to the phone or run to the throne?” It is wise we run to the One who can and wants to help us through the hard and difficult times. He alone is sufficient!

    • Oooh! I love that, Susan! That’s a great saying that I will have to remember whenever I’m consumed with seeking other people’s validation. All I need is the Lord’s! Thanks for your encouragement here, my friend!

  5. amen to cleansing, weepy prayers that empty our stuffed hearts of all the whirling emotions and allow God to bring healing, relief, clarity and hope.

    double amen if we are fortunate enough to do this with our patient understanding spouse.

    • What a beautiful way to put it, Linda! And yes, it is so very valuable to our marriages and spouses when we lift them and ourselves up for the Lord’s cleansing and enabling. Thanks for your presence here in this place, Linda. It is always greatly appreciated!

  6. Tiffiney Holmes says:

    Hi Beth, I love the truths you’ve expressed here. Thank you for sharing four “healing ways” to pray for my marriage. I’ll be adding them to my marriage tool box. 🙂

    Thanks for hosting!

    • I hope that they bless you, Tiffiney! Thanks for encouraging me and joining the linkup weekly! I truly appreciate your perspectives at your blog, my friend.

  7. Beth, my visits here each week are at the top of my list! I just want you to know that even if I don’t leave a comment, I’m always stopping in here to be challenged and encouraged in my marriage. Love your word picture of a lamp and a book, and even more so the scripture. Without fail, my tear-soaked prayers are the times God is able to bring me the most clarity and perspective, and so often it is the difficult truth of looking inward at the log in my own eye. Grateful for your ministry here my friend!

    • Aww, you are so sweet, Crystal. I get it, my friend! It’s hard when you have a linkup to keep up with everyone. It’s hard even when you don’t! ha! Yes, to your tear-soaked prayers. They truly do bring clarity and cleansing. Thank you for your encouragement, my friend! And always glad to have you in the linkup!

  8. This series has taught me so much even as a single person. Knowing God is a prayer away and that His truth is tucked away in Scriptures are reminders I need often. Being a fixer, I try to take care of things in my own instead of giving them to God first.

    I love the thought of praying to Jesus as my best friend. He is and He will listen and love just like a best friend. I started memorizing scripture this year and it has been so helpful. Being able to turn to God’s word and pull up some truths when I need them points me in the right direction. Thank you for teaching us well through your honesty and openness.
    I hope your trip to see your son was amazing.

    • That’s so true, Mary. Prayer brings healing for any kind of relationship. It doesn’t have to be reserved only for our spouses. 😉 And I can relate to being a “fixer.” I think it comes with the territory of a “teacher” and, for me, a “counselor!” Lol! So I join you in that battle to put away any fixing of others so that we can fix our eyes on Jesus instead! And yes, praying to Jesus as our best friend is the best way to pray. I’m so glad that memorizing Scripture has been helpful for you. I’ve been working on that too, but need to not let it slide–even as I go on vacation! ha!

      Yes, our vacation was amazing. I think we walked or drove over every single piece of LA you could find! ha! I’m worn out, but the good news is–even though I ate way too much, I didn’t gain any weight. That makes me wish that I could walk all over LA every day to keep off any unwanted weight. 😉 They do have quite a few hills around there. They don’t call it “Beverly Hills” for nothing!

      Thanks for your encouragement, my friend! Always a pleasure to have you here in this space!

  9. Beth, thank God that He listens to us and answers our tear-soaked prayers. Prayer makes a difference to change the hearts of both parties. I’ve been enjoying this series. Thanks for what you’re doing here. 🙂

    • Yes, it is a blessing, Kelly. And it truly does make a difference–for “both” parties, as you’ve pointed out. Thanks for jumping into the conversation to encourage me, my friend!

  10. Great challenge to pray for our own marriages — and for the marriages of others in our churches, particularly for leaders who live their lives in the hot seat!

  11. Beth, I like how you said to pray like you’re talking to your best friend. What a great picture of prayer!

    • Yes, it feels that way and, in reality, is that way with Jesus. I’m sure you know what I mean. Thanks for encouraging me, my friend!

  12. Thank you Beth, I’m pinning this up.
    Beautiful scriptures you have collected
    God bless

    • Thank you, Ifeoma! I’m glad you find it helpful and inspiring. Thanks for joining the linkup, my friend!

  13. theromanticvineyard says:

    I love this! We all too often neglect the Word and prayer the very things that God has promised will help us grow and change for His glory. Thank you for providing a glimpse into your quiet time and how you pray the Scriptures. Such a helpful and needed example that is easy to follow.
    You have no idea how many marriages will be impacted if all who read this post simply do this one thing!
    God help us to not only be hearers, but doers!
    Blessings my friend,

    • Yes, it seems like such a simple notion–to pray for and use God’s word to heal our marriages, but so often people don’t think about using God’s word and prayer that way, Debi. But it’s made all the difference for me and my marriage. I’m glad you said that it is “easy to follow.” That’s what I shoot for but don’t always know if it translates that way. Agreed on being doers of God’s word. It’s where I want to land each day. Thanks for your words of encouragement, my friend. They mean a lot!

  14. I love pray like Jesus is a best friend – because he is. I remember years ago doing a women’s bible study on Genesis and we came to the part about Abraham being a friend of God and someone asked if God was our friend. I was a little shocked. I had never thought about it before. I felt unworthy to be His friend. Like the friendship would be horribly mismatched. But He does want to call us friend.

    • Yes, He is, Theresa! And I do recall that God referred to Abraham as His friend. That’s such an important truth that we need to embrace and remember each day–especially when we pray. Thanks for pointing that out and encouraging me here in this space!

  15. Julie Loos says:

    When my marriage is messy, I like to pray for God to soften my heart. I tend to think my hubby is the bad guy and it’s all his fault when I’m mad, but God needs to change me more.

  16. This is deeper than it looks Beth. It is reaching me in very profound ways and I can so relate with you on this. For me, when I pray for my marriage, especially when burdened, I cry and then I try to make my prayer sort of like I am conversing with my Father…. Which I am. I talk with Him and listen for His reply… I tell Him in very plain language while I remind Him of His word…

  17. Brandi Raae says:

    Marriage can be so trying! I know I’ve prayed many tear-soaked prayers over the years. Even decent marriages between 2 Christians can be difficult at times!! I do love writing out prayers; I need to do that more often. Thanks for sharing your encouragement at Literacy Musing Mondays.

  18. Beth, I love praying the Scriptures. I wish I could say I’m always faithful to do it, but you’ve inspired me today! Thanks, too, for hosting and sharing your great marriage helps. Blessings, sweet sister!

  19. Dear Beth, sorry I’m late to the party. Just wanted to say I’ve read this a few times and I like it a lot. One of your “cut-out-and-keep” posts. David


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