4 Signs You’re on the Wrong Track

Road home from Mt Greylock

Have you ever gotten lost? In the pre-GPS days, you could end up really wandering way off course. Been there, done that!

It’s a scary feeling, especially if your wandering leaves you in dangerous territory. Yep! Been there, done that too!

In the many years I’ve been a counselor and life-coach, or for that matter, simply in my marriage, I’ve come to recognize some signs when I’ve {or someone else has} gotten off-track—gone down the wrong road …

4 “Wrong Way” Signs
1.  You believe your spouse will never change, so you’re helpless and doomed to a miserable life and marriage.

It may feel like it right now, but feelings are never something to base your convictions and decisions upon. If you’re seeking God on a daily and continual basis, I would venture to say that your feelings will change. God can give you peace in times of turmoil. God can give you direction when you feel you have nowhere to go. God can resurrect what is dead. But you must “let” Him. If you’re trying to fix your marriage or change your spouse in your own strength, you’re going to fail. Those are jobs only a big God can do. My advice, step aside and let God slay the giant in your life!

2.  You believe that leaving your marriage will relieve your pain and trouble. 

This is tricky, because it is partially true. Yes, once you leave your marriage and the dysfunction and turmoil of it all, you will feel better—often a huge relief! But before you know it, trouble and pain will erupt again, often as a direct result of “leaving” your marriage for the very purpose of avoiding pain. But even if you have the best of motivators* for leaving your marriage, you will not escape pain and trouble in this life. And based on how God deals with us, if we are His children, I’d think you were doing something wrong if you didn’t face suffering of some kind. (Hebrews 12:5-8 and 10-11)

3.  You believe your spouse is not your soul-mate, so you must find whomever that is to find fulfillment in life. 

Here’s another one that is true and false. Yes, your spouse is not your soul-mate. That’s the case for me as well. Yes, you will not find “fulfillment” without your soul-mate. But no, you won’t find a “human” on this earth who can fill the role of “soul-mate.” That job, again, is reserved only for Christ. He is your soul-mate and is the only One who can fill your heart and satisfies like no other human can. Look to Him to fill your heart with His love … and, as a bonus, you’ll find yourself growing in love and forgiveness for your spouse as well.

4.  You believe you can make the changes that are necessary in your life and marriage without really plugging in at your church and making daily time for God. 

This one may work for a season, but you’ll quickly feel burdened and overwhelmed by the task. God created us to not only need Him and his Word, but to need to connect with other believers for support and accountability. If you’re a believer and you’re not active in both of those areas, you will find your marriage getting worse and you and your mate moving further apart or, at least, settling for a dangerous mediocrity.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” –Proverbs 12:14 (NIV)

Which of the four wrong directions” have you struggled with most now or in the past?

What has helped you to get back on track?

Photo by Rusty Clark

*If you are in an abusive relationship, “leaving” the abusive situation may be necessary for a time, but never leave without the careful guidance of a domestic abuse counselor. You can reach one at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224, or the website here – National Domestic Violence Hotline

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Linking up with – NOBH, Monday’s Musings, Momma Notes, Marriage Moments Monday, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Matrimonial Monday, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday’s

  • Nan

    That first one is so sad. I have known some women who seem determined to be miserable in their marriages. Who just wrap their misery around them like a blanket and will not accept any counsel, any reaching out on the part of their husbands, any change on the part of their husbands, or any responsibility on *their* part as wives. They are miserably unhappy and they seem to like it that way.
    I suppose they would rather be “right” than happy. Thanks so much for linking up to “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today!

    • Yes, Nan, I’ve met many of those women too and, sadly, I was one of them many “moons” ago as well. It was a hard lesson that God taught me and it has given me greater passion and insight into this issue. You’ve described the downfall of this thinking well, my friend. Thanks for your encouragement and I love being a part of your link up! I wish I would’ve discovered you sooner! 🙂

  • Nan

    That first one is so sad. I have known some women who seem determined to be miserable in their marriages. Who just wrap their misery around them like a blanket and will not accept any counsel, any reaching out on the part of their husbands, any change on the part of their husbands, or any responsibility on *their* part as wives. They are miserably unhappy and they seem to like it that way.
    I suppose they would rather be “right” than happy. Thanks so much for linking up to “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today!

  • Sarah

    Thanks for joining our momma notes. You are an encouragement to me and countless other moms. We would be delighted to have you link up this post or another again.

    Monday … join the melody.

    Simply slip your post into the link up. You can grab the button if you would like as well. I’ll start the splash on Mondays. And I know the filled to the brim momma schedules … so join us any day of the week and link up.

    Happy day,

    Sarah

    • Thanks so much for inviting us here at MM, Sarah. I added my link and I’ll be “splashing over” soon to read your and others’ posts.

  • These are 4 very important and dangerous signs. Thank you for sharing this, because while some may think “I would never think that way…”, it’s amazing how many Christian marriages hit the rocks because of these very 4 things. Very important article – and I’m glad I stopped by to read it!

    • Yes, and “hitting the rocks” can be something you’re not even responsible for–like a death or a job loss or a chronic or terminal illness to name a few. We can be thrown into these “messy” and dark times and if we aren’t armed with the truth so that we can identify the counterfeit, we will be in even bigger trouble! Thanks so much for stopping by and encouraging me, Rosilind!

  • These are 4 very important and dangerous signs. Thank you for sharing this, because while some may think “I would never think that way…”, it’s amazing how many Christian marriages hit the rocks because of these very 4 things. Very important article – and I’m glad I stopped by to read it!

  • Mai

    These are all Wrong Way to direct a godly marriage. In Marriage, it’s really hard to draw the “I Quit” card because it takes two person to make the marriage work and last. About being fulfilled, learn to accept and be grateful that God gave you a spouse! Some people are still searching for that One True Love so you should be thankful. Love your spouse all the days of your life…day in and day out! 🙂

    Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.

    • Thanks for coming by and weighing in, Mai. I appreciate it!

  • Mai

    These are all Wrong Way to direct a godly marriage. In Marriage, it’s really hard to draw the “I Quit” card because it takes two person to make the marriage work and last. About being fulfilled, learn to accept and be grateful that God gave you a spouse! Some people are still searching for that One True Love so you should be thankful. Love your spouse all the days of your life…day in and day out! 🙂

    Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.

  • #2 is tricky…I’ve seen friends declare that they knew God wanted them to leave their marriage based on the “peace” they felt afterwards. In reality, I think that feeling was probably just emotional relief from not having to deal with the daily battles and turmoil, but it’s really hard to argue with someone who says God gave them peace about that decision.

    • Yes, I have too, Elizabeth. It always feels like a dagger in my heart when I hear that reasoning. I think you might have that same response. I suppose having a passion for godly marriages makes us extra-sensitive to those issues, right, Elizabeth? Thanks for coming by and encouraging me! Love your passion!

  • #2 is tricky…I’ve seen friends declare that they knew God wanted them to leave their marriage based on the “peace” they felt afterwards. In reality, I think that feeling was probably just emotional relief from not having to deal with the daily battles and turmoil, but it’s really hard to argue with someone who says God gave them peace about that decision.

  • A great list that is great food for thought, Beth!

    Although I have never been through a divorce, I have known women who have been. Many seem to leave because they want to leave their pain and troubles behind (as you note so wisely in Point #2). Yet, they drag the same dysfunctional luggage to their next relationship and expect things to be different. . .

    • Yes, it’s so sad to watch. I just hope this will give some who are tempted in this way pause to consider they may be believing a lie. Thanks so much for your sweet friendship, Kim. I sure wish we could get together for a cup of coffee sometime, but I know we must be miles and miles apart! 🙂

      • You are welcome, and I believe we are distant. New England born and raised, but headed to TN hopefully by the fall. A little closer, though, than where I am now. 🙂

  • A great list that is great food for thought, Beth!

    Although I have never been through a divorce, I have known women who have been. Many seem to leave because they want to leave their pain and troubles behind (as you note so wisely in Point #2). Yet, they drag the same dysfunctional luggage to their next relationship and expect things to be different. . .

  • I’ve even managed to get lost WITH GPS. ha. But that’s another story.

    Great four “wrong way” signs, Beth. I like being reminded of things like that because even in a good season, we can still drift a little and wen need to make corrections as soon as we notice it.

    • Yes, I have too. Sometimes that darn GPS doesn’t know what it’s talking about! I found that out just a couple of weeks ago when a new street replaced an old street!

      Yes, reminders are so important. I have a spot in my bedroom where I post lots and lots of reminders, because I tend to drift in so many areas of my life! Thanks for your sweet words and encouragement here!

  • I’ve even managed to get lost WITH GPS. ha. But that’s another story.

    Great four “wrong way” signs, Beth. I like being reminded of things like that because even in a good season, we can still drift a little and wen need to make corrections as soon as we notice it.

  • I’m with Lisa–been lost even with that mechanical voice telling me where to go! There was a time in my marriage where I thought I was doomed to unhappiness. But I committed to prayer and to doing what I could to change that. Good thoughts, Beth.

    • Yes, I was there in that place too, Laura. That’s why I know these lies so well. I may not have fallen for all of them, but I sure learned the hard way. But the “hard” lessons of life are the best and usually stick with me more than the ones that I mastered quickly. Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me, sweet friend!

  • I’m with Lisa–been lost even with that mechanical voice telling me where to go! There was a time in my marriage where I thought I was doomed to unhappiness. But I committed to prayer and to doing what I could to change that. Good thoughts, Beth.

  • Yes, Nan, I’ve met many of those women too and, sadly, I was one of them many “moons” ago as well. It was a hard lesson that God taught me and it has given me greater passion and insight into this issue. You’ve described the downfall of this thinking well, my friend. Thanks for your encouragement and I love being a part of your link up! I wish I would’ve discovered you sooner! 🙂

  • Thanks so much for inviting us here at MM, Sarah. I added my link and I’ll be “splashing over” soon to read your and others’ posts.

  • Yes, and “hitting the rocks” can be something you’re not even responsible for–like a death or a job loss or a chronic or terminal illness to name a few. We can be thrown into these “messy” and dark times and if we aren’t armed with the truth so that we can identify the counterfeit, we will be in even bigger trouble! Thanks so much for stopping by and encouraging me, Rosilind!

  • Thanks for coming by and weighing in, Mai. I appreciate it!

  • Yes, I have too, Elizabeth. It always feels like a dagger in my heart when I hear that reasoning. I think you might have that same response. I suppose having a passion for godly marriages makes us extra-sensitive to those issues, right, Elizabeth? Thanks for coming by and encouraging me! Love your passion!

  • Yes, it’s so sad to watch. I just hope this will give some who are tempted in this way pause to consider they may be believing a lie. Thanks so much for your sweet friendship, Kim. I sure wish we could get together for a cup of coffee sometime, but I know we must be miles and miles apart! 🙂

  • Yes, I have too. Sometimes that darn GPS doesn’t know what it’s talking about! I found that out just a couple of weeks ago when a new street replaced an old street!

    Yes, reminders are so important. I have a spot in my bedroom where I post lots and lots of reminders, because I tend to drift in so many areas of my life! Thanks for your sweet words and encouragement here!

  • Yes, I was there in that place too, Laura. That’s why I know these lies so well. I may not have fallen for all of them, but I sure learned the hard way. But the “hard” lessons of life are the best and usually stick with me more than the ones that I mastered quickly. Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me, sweet friend!

  • Yep … got lost in Massachusetts this morning, even with the GPS loud and clear. Sadly, we so often do the same, even when God’s voice is practically audible …

    Thanks, as always, for saying ‘no way’ to these 4 lies we’d so love to believe!

    • Oh, how I’d love to “get lost in Massachusetts!” haha! Yes, GPS isn’t all it’s cracked up to be sometimes. And yes, God very often makes it loud and clear which way He wants us to go but justifications block our view. Thanks so much for your kindness to me, Linda. I always enjoy seeing you here!

  • Yep … got lost in Massachusetts this morning, even with the GPS loud and clear. Sadly, we so often do the same, even when God’s voice is practically audible …

    Thanks, as always, for saying ‘no way’ to these 4 lies we’d so love to believe!

  • You are welcome, and I believe we are distant. New England born and raised, but headed to TN hopefully by the fall. A little closer, though, than where I am now. 🙂

  • Oh, how I’d love to “get lost in Massachusetts!” haha! Yes, GPS isn’t all it’s cracked up to be sometimes. And yes, God very often makes it loud and clear which way He wants us to go but justifications block our view. Thanks so much for your kindness to me, Linda. I always enjoy seeing you here!

  • Mia

    Dear Beth
    For much too long I looked up to my husband to be my anchor in life and that never worked at all. He had his own baggage from his childhood to deal with and couldn’t be what I wanted him to be. But once both of us learned how to look to our Pappa for everything, He blessed our marriage abundantly and all of a sudden we are able to be so much more for one another.
    Much love
    Mia

    • I did too, Mia. I think it’s a common mistake young brides make. But so glad that we share a common love the Bridegroom of our souls! Thanks for encouraging me, my friend!

  • Mia

    Dear Beth
    For much too long I looked up to my husband to be my anchor in life and that never worked at all. He had his own baggage from his childhood to deal with and couldn’t be what I wanted him to be. But once both of us learned how to look to our Pappa for everything, He blessed our marriage abundantly and all of a sudden we are able to be so much more for one another.
    Much love
    Mia

  • What Nan said … about not accepting any counsel and not noticing any changes … those are the hallmarks of someone who has given up. I firmly believe this is Satan’s blueprint. He shades our eyes and minds to the truth, twists it a bit (remember Eve?) and makes us feel all comfy in our self-righteousness.

    When a woman rehearses the same old story to her friends and family about her ne’er-do-well husband, she will begin to believe it.

    Love takes practice, and a person can NEVER stop practicing!

    • Yes, that’s a good way to sum it up, Amy. They have “given up” when there’s so much that God wants to continue to do when we yield to His strong hand. I also agree, that this problem is often made worse by rumination–especially with pals who will cheer us on in our desire to “give up.” Great thoughts, Amy! Thanks for weighing in!

  • What Nan said … about not accepting any counsel and not noticing any changes … those are the hallmarks of someone who has given up. I firmly believe this is Satan’s blueprint. He shades our eyes and minds to the truth, twists it a bit (remember Eve?) and makes us feel all comfy in our self-righteousness.

    When a woman rehearses the same old story to her friends and family about her ne’er-do-well husband, she will begin to believe it.

    Love takes practice, and a person can NEVER stop practicing!

  • I love the way how I can be pondering on something and then i come over to your blog and I find you sharing something similar!

    I am working on a talk for early marrieds and spent the afternoon working “change”, #1. During the early days of marriage, I had all my joy and hope pegged on my husband’s ability to change (and he’s a wonderful man). But God began to show me that my happiness and joy were a personal choice and were my own responsibility!

    Didn’t matter what went on around me, with God, i could be positive, hopeful, strong and alive. I believe it’s something many people need to take to heart and harken to!

    Love all your points but # 1 really resonated 🙂

    • I tell ya, we truly have the same heartbeat for marriage, Ngina. I’m so grateful that God has raised up other godly women (and some men) who have a passion for strengthening marriages and then He links us together through this thing called the internet. It just blows my mind! Thanks so much for your kind words and your tireless work for the Lord.

  • I love the way how I can be pondering on something and then i come over to your blog and I find you sharing something similar!

    I am working on a talk for early marrieds and spent the afternoon working “change”, #1. During the early days of marriage, I had all my joy and hope pegged on my husband’s ability to change (and he’s a wonderful man). But God began to show me that my happiness and joy were a personal choice and were my own responsibility!

    Didn’t matter what went on around me, with God, i could be positive, hopeful, strong and alive. I believe it’s something many people need to take to heart and harken to!

    Love all your points but # 1 really resonated 🙂

  • I did too, Mia. I think it’s a common mistake young brides make. But so glad that we share a common love the Bridegroom of our souls! Thanks for encouraging me, my friend!

  • Yes, that’s a good way to sum it up, Amy. They have “given up” when there’s so much that God wants to continue to do when we yield to His strong hand. I also agree, that this problem is often made worse by rumination–especially with pals who will cheer us on in our desire to “give up.” Great thoughts, Amy! Thanks for weighing in!

  • I tell ya, we truly have the same heartbeat for marriage, Ngina. I’m so grateful that God has raised up other godly women (and some men) who have a passion for strengthening marriages and then He links us together through this thing called the internet. It just blows my mind! Thanks so much for your kind words and your tireless work for the Lord.

  • amymorgan1970

    Thanks for this post today. I am sure it would be easier to just walk away. But I remind myself that I made my vows to and before God and that is really who I made them to.

    • You’re so welcome, Amy. I love hearing how a post has really ministered to a reader. That’s the best encouragement for me here in this space. I’m going to pray for you, Amy–praying you’ll hold tight to Jesus, because He really loves you and can renew your love for your spouse too. Hugs to you!

      • amymorgan1970

        Thank you so much. It helps to know that someone is praying for you.

  • amymorgan1970

    Thanks for this post today. I am sure it would be easier to just walk away. But I remind myself that I made my vows to and before God and that is really who I made them to.

  • Andrea

    I juggle signs 1&2 when my husband and I are in a slump. I go into a slimy pit of self pity and bounce both of these ideas around. When instead I should be asking for God to show me my part in the problem, and work on that and leave the rest up to him.

    • Ahh, so that’s what you mean by the “pit.” I’ve been meaning to ask you that. 🙂 Yes, and as you work on what He reveals, that “rest up to Him” will be ALL of it. Leave the results and the “hard work” up to God. I’m not saying being “lazy”–just learning to surrender. We’ll talk some more about this, I hope. Love ya, sista!

  • Andrea

    I juggle signs 1&2 when my husband and I are in a slump. I go into a slimy pit of self pity and bounce both of these ideas around. When instead I should be asking for God to show me my part in the problem, and work on that and leave the rest up to him.

  • John Wilder

    The statistics for divorce for second marriages is 65% and the divorce rate for third marriages is 75%. The grass is not greener on the other side, learn to peacefully negotiate conflict rather than fighting. Fighting kills sex lives and relationships and marriages

    • You bring up an important fact that we can’t argue with, John. It really does get harder, when we try to escape our troubles. We need to go with God “through” the troubles–not around them or pretending they don’t exist. And yes, I’d go a bit further with your statement and say that “bitterness” kills sex lives. No one wants to be intimate with someone they feel is their “enemy.” Thanks so much for stopping by and weighing in.

  • Sarah

    Pretty intense warning signs, so good to be prepared to fight ahead of time.

    Thanks for joining the melody this week. I would be delighted to have you add your voice each week. I jot some momma notes on Monday … but its a post whenever you can during the week kind of link up. I get the filled to the brim momma schedules.

    Happy day,

    Sarah

    http://justsarahdawn.blogspot.com/2013/05/momma-notes.html

    • Yes, it’s important to recognize them, because once they infiltrate your thinking, they are so subtle and feel so “right” that they are hard to squash. Thanks for inviting me to your linkup, Sarah! I’ll be back!

  • Sarah

    Pretty intense warning signs, so good to be prepared to fight ahead of time.

    Thanks for joining the melody this week. I would be delighted to have you add your voice each week. I jot some momma notes on Monday … but its a post whenever you can during the week kind of link up. I get the filled to the brim momma schedules.

    Happy day,

    Sarah

    http://justsarahdawn.blogspot.com/2013/05/momma-notes.html

  • You’re so welcome, Amy. I love hearing how a post has really ministered to a reader. That’s the best encouragement for me here in this space. I’m going to pray for you, Amy–praying you’ll hold tight to Jesus, because He really loves you and can renew your love for your spouse too. Hugs to you!

  • Ahh, so that’s what you mean by the “pit.” I’ve been meaning to ask you that. 🙂 Yes, and as you work on what He reveals, that “rest up to Him” will be all of it. Leave the results and the “hard work” up to God. I’m not saying being “lazy”–just learning to surrender. We’ll talk some more about this, I hope. Love ya, sista!

  • You bring up an important fact that we can’t argue with, John. It really does get harder, when we try to escape our troubles. We need to go with God “through” the troubles–not around them or pretending they don’t exist. And yes, I’d go a bit further with your statement and say that “bitterness” kills sex lives. No one wants to be intimate with someone they feel is their “enemy.” Thanks so much for stopping by and weighing in.

  • amymorgan1970

    Thank you so much. It helps to know that someone is praying for you.

  • Yes, it’s important to recognize them, because once they infiltrate your thinking, they are so subtle and feel so “right” that they are hard to squash. Thanks for inviting me to your linkup, Sarah! I’ll be back!

  • It’s been 10 years and I haven’t run into these four challenges so does that mean I’m on the right track? 🙂

  • It’s been 10 years and I haven’t run into these four challenges so does that mean I’m on the right track? 🙂

  • This line made me pause: “And based on how God deals with us, if we are His children, I’d think you were doing something wrong if you didn’t face suffering of some kind.” Why is it that we view suffering as wrong, or out of the ordinary? It’s not fun, of course, but I do need to realize that suffering can be part of God’s plan for my life just as much as the happy stuff. The trick is to count it all joy, right, Beth? Always a blessing to read your words.

  • This line made me pause: “And based on how God deals with us, if we are His children, I’d think you were doing something wrong if you didn’t face suffering of some kind.” Why is it that we view suffering as wrong, or out of the ordinary? It’s not fun, of course, but I do need to realize that suffering can be part of God’s plan for my life just as much as the happy stuff. The trick is to count it all joy, right, Beth? Always a blessing to read your words.

  • All lies of the enemy, we cannot let go of what God means to be such a huge blessing based on these deceits of the enemy. Not saying marriage is easy, but like every other thing in life, diligence is required to make it work. Thanks for sharing, coming by from Matrimonial Monday!

  • All lies of the enemy, we cannot let go of what God means to be such a huge blessing based on these deceits of the enemy. Not saying marriage is easy, but like every other thing in life, diligence is required to make it work. Thanks for sharing, coming by from Matrimonial Monday!

  • Beth – I’m so glad you listed the “soul-mate” statement. This is a major detail we hear so often from young (and a little-older-than-young) people.

    It’s usually spoken in a euphoric haze of infatuation, and they look at us like startled owls when we say that Robert and I aren’t soul-mates… We finish by explaining that the only soul-mate we have is Jesus – and they’re even more puzzled.

    I’m going to save your response because it’s the perfect answer to people not feeling “fulfilled” by their spouse! Awesome.

  • Beth – I’m so glad you listed the “soul-mate” statement. This is a major detail we hear so often from young (and a little-older-thank-young) people.

    It’s usually spoken in a euphoric haze of infatuation, and they look at us like startled owls when we say that Robert and I aren’t soul-mates… We finish by explaining that the only soul-mate we have is Jesus – and they’re even more puzzled.

    I’m going to save your response because it’s the perfect answer to people not feeling “fulfilled” by their spouse! Awesome.

  • rboerner

    I know I’m a week behind but man the first 3 I am totally guilty of feeling at some point in my life. And to answer your question of what has helped me get back on track – YOU have played a huge part in getting me back on track. So glad God placed you in my life and is growing a new friendship!

  • rboerner

    I know I’m a week behind but man the first 3 I am totally guilty of feeling at some point in my life. And to answer your question of what has helped me get back on track – YOU have played a huge part in getting me back on track. So glad God placed you in my life and is growing a new friendship!

  • Sadly I’ve struggled with all of the above, particularly in the early days of my marriage, especially #2. I was always too scared at the time to leave my husband because I was afraid of what that would mean for me – loss of financial security, a home, and a confidante, and even if that’s a dumb reason, I’m so glad that I stayed. I’m glad God placed me back on track with Him and with my husband, and made me realize that my marriage was worth fighting for. Thanks for linking up with Becoming His Eve Marriage Moments Mondays!

  • Sadly I’ve struggled with all of the above, particularly in the early days of my marriage, especially #2. I was always too scared at the time to leave my husband because I was afraid of what that would mean for me – loss of financial security, a home, and a confidante, and even if that’s a dumb reason, I’m so glad that I stayed. I’m glad God placed me back on track with Him and with my husband, and made me realize that my marriage was worth fighting for. Thanks for linking up with Becoming His Eve Marriage Moments Mondays!

  • Tamara Colstrom Monoskie

    It’s funny, because I WAS feeling a bit #1 after birth of baby #3, even as I knew deep down that God’s love is more than enough. Now my brother keeps telling me #2, but I KNOW he’s wrong. As far as #3, never felt that way! #4 I had to lay my burden down last year and say “God, I give up. It’s all your now – I won’t get in the way anymore.”
    My question is: What about my girls? What is God’s best for my 3 little ones? And will they just accept our home life as the status quo for their own future married lives? I have seen and know by experience kids DO gravitate to the lower standard in a home.