A Door I’d Rather Not Walk Through . . .

the lovely doors
Has God ever taken you through a door that, if you were writing the story, would not be part of your preferred plotline?

I trust God knows what He’s doing in my life. In fact, I think God has a plan for this “door” that I’m now being asked to walk through. I’m not saying God has caused the “door” but I know that He’s using the “door” for my good, other’s good, and ultimately His good!

So who could ask for more or different, with that in mind?

Enough of the cryptic ramblings—the “door” God is asking me to walk through is breast cancer. Just this past week I got word that I have two masses in my right breast that are either stage one or early stage two. It doesn’t look like it has spread to my lymph nodes (Yay, God!), but that really won’t be fully known until they do an MRI next week.

Needless to say, after the busyness of returning from my recent trip and trying to get all my ducks back in a row (b/c those little rascals seem to have a mind of their own and are running in all sorts of directions lately!), with this new “door” I’m feeling a bit like I’ve gotten swept up in a whirlwind and I’m not sure where I’ll land! Too bad it won’t be the Land of Oz! But then on second thought …

With our great God and Redeemer, I’m trusting that it’s going to be even better than Oz could ever hope to be! Right?

So please know that if I don’t engage with you as much as I have in the past in the days and weeks to come, that I’m simply chasing down a “duck-gone-wild” or distracted by this new adventure God has me on, AND I would really love your grace, patience and encouragement in this matter, but most of all, I desire your prayers!!

Let’s show Satan, as well as, a watching world just how beautiful the body of Christ is when it comes to lifting each other up to our Powerful Papa!

 

What “doors” have you had to walk through that have really tested your faith?

 

What has God done to remind you He’s still in control, no matter how scary and disorienting your personal “whirlwind” may be or have been?

(Trust me, this is something I’d love to hear from all of you about, since I need the reminders of His constant care in all of our lives!)

“Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him …” Job 13:15a (NIV)

Photo by Lauren Manning

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Linking up with – NOBH, Momma Notes, Marriage MondaysMaking Your Home Sing Monday, Living Proverbs 31, Monday’s Musings, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday

  • Heather C.

    As always you will be in my prayers!

    • Thanks so much, Heather! I’m in need of those prayers! But I have to say, I’ve really felt the prayer support I’ve already received. 🙂

  • Andrea

    You are being so courageous and faithful. I am angry. I don’t want this news to be true. But I too know that God has plans for this “door”. So I will continue to pray and lift you and your family up. I will change my attitude! I will trust God to do what he knows best and just try to help you as much as I can. Many prayers and lots of love!!

    • You know, I may be in denial or something, but anger hasn’t even occurred to me as an emotion, Andrea. I just got back from the trip of a lifetime with memories I’m still treasuring and saw God clearly going before us and surrounding us on that trip. So, like Job, I sure don’t want to accept the good from God’s hand and reject the bad that He’s allowed. In fact, I’m already seeing some things I would’ve never realized or felt had I not been given this diagnosis. I don’t like the “pain” aspect of it, so you can pray for me in that … b/c I’m kind of a chicken when it comes to physical pain! 😉 Love you too!

      • Andrea

        You are a strong woman!! That’s why I love you:)

  • lorihatcher

    Beth,

    My family walked through the worse news of my life, and I blogged about it here:

    http://lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-to-handle-worse-news-of-your-life.html

    May God use it to encourage you, dear sister.

    • Thanks so much, Lori. Interesting that you should write on that topic today! 🙂

  • Adrienne

    Lance told me that Gary mentioned this today. My prayers are with you and your family as you walk through this ‘door’. I am glad it was caught early! Remember, there are others that have gone thru this very same door that you can talk to (Leanne comes to my mind). Thank you for sharing this with us! ♡ Adrienne

    • Thanks so much, Adrienne. I really appreciate you stopping by and offering a word of encouragement. And yes, I’ve thought of Leann and others who’ve experienced this very same diagnosis. I really don’t feel like “this shouldn’t happen to me.” I feel more like it’s just “my” turn at a very common health issue. And I’m excited to see how God grows my faith through this as well. Hugs to you!

  • OutnumberedMom

    I’m praying for you, Beth. I’ve been through a few similar doors, and I love your attitude. Just know you’re being upheld in prayer, friend.

    • Awww, dear, sweet Laura Lee, you bless my heart by your prayers and support, my friend! Thanks for your kind words to me and it is a joy to know you’re praying for me in this situation. 🙂

  • rboerner

    Beautifully spoken as usual! I will continue to pray for you during this journey down this dark valley. I am already amazed with your bold faith and how you have started this journey by lighting the darkness with Jesus! Love you and lots of big hugs coming your way! It was so nice to chat with you on Saturday! Love me some girlfriend time! 🙂

    • Oh yes, Becky, I’ve loved our girlfriend times too and hope you’ll let me continue to lean on you in the days, weeks and months to come! I truly appreciate your kindness and friendship. It has made getting this diagnosis not feel so heavy. Love you, my friend!

  • Oh, Beth. My heart is heavy and hopeful. I am humbled by your courage to share this adventure with us. Love and prayers, my Sister and friend.

    • I’ve thought of you since I got this diagnosis, Kimberly and thought you’d be such a supportive friend in this. Thanks so much for your friendship and prayers. They mean so much to me, my friend! Hugs to you!

  • Tina Greenland

    Beth and Gary…praying for you and your family as you enter this next season. It’s been over 9 years since Denis was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer. I remember feeling like the bottom dropped out of my world, but then I was held up by so many prayer warriors. I could truly sense a peace I could not explain. I pray for that peace for you all now and I encourage you with our story and the healing that occurred. Not sure where you are going for treatment, but Barnes was truly phenomenal in their care every step of the way. God be with you all through this journey.

    • Has it really been that long ago, Tina? Time sure flies and it’s always an encouragement to hear from folks who’ve beaten this cancer thing–especially a stage 3 cancer! Whoa! Talk about God being powerful and showing His glory! And yes, I’m at Siteman at Wash U and I already see the great care they take with their patients. I’m glad to hear you both felt that same way when going through Denis’ ordeal. Thanks so much for stopping by and letting me know you all are praying for me!

  • bluecottonmemory

    Praying Beth that He give you peaceful dreams and restful sleep. That He send His people across your path to encourage you, to lift you up, to remind you of His hope when you feel down. Praying that His Holy Spirit drip into your body with each breath, bring you healing and wholeness. Our minister has been preaching on on Faith – and he has been talking about how the woman touched Jesus garment – not Him – but the garment. That He was so filled with the Holy Spirit – which is available to us – that like Holy oil dripping down, so did the Holy Spirit drip on Him and His clothes – so powerfully that all one had to do was touch His clothes. Paul sent handkerchiefs and clothes that He’d prayed over and touched to be sent to heal people – praying that same Holy Spirit which is IN you – give you strength and healing. Wish I could bring you some soup and a pie – ’cause in the south – that helps makes things better while God does all the hard work! Putting you on a post-it Beth for prayer!

    • What a beautifully written and precious comment you’ve “poured over me,” my friend! I do feel that strengthening by the Spirit. I have been amazed at how strongly I could feel the prayer support and God’s presence even in these early days. Thanks so much for putting me on a “post-it” to remember to pray too! I’m a “post-it” reminder lover and use them to keep my eyes focused on what God wants me to remember to do. Thanks for your sweet encouragement! Hugs to you!

  • Lifting you in prayer right now…may you feel His nearness and love as you walk this journey.

    • Well, hey there, Ro! It’s been a while and I’m so glad you’ve stopped by to reassure me of your prayers! They are greatly appreciated, sweet friend!

  • You, my dear friend, are surrounded by love and prayers. I join the throng. We are here for you in the ways that we each can offer. May His peace wash over you today …

    • I am so glad that God has blessed me with you, Linda, and so many other supportive and prayer warrior friends! I do feel His peace. It’s amazing how good I feel when I’m facing such a terrible disease. Not worried a bit (at this point! ha!). Love ya!

  • Oh, Beth, I just felt compelled to check your blog this morning and now I know it was God calling me to pray for you. I read the first few lines about the door and thought, please don’t say what I think she’s going to say – and then you did. Breast cancer is not a lone journey, my dear blogging friend. I’m praying through this with you, as are so many others. Our God will help you bust through the door and conquer all that’s on the other side. And I can’t wait to rejoice with you when the journey is won. Hugs and prayers ongoing.

    • And I’m so glad He nudged you to stop by and offer up yet another great example of your friendship. I don’t know you, Becky, except through this blogosphere, but you’ve certainly shown me what a sweet person you are and make me feel loved and supported every time you visit, but especially today! I will take all those prayers you’re sending up to our heavenly Father on my behalf! It’s a privilege!

  • busymomof10

    Powerful post! I love the picture of the weathered doors — so symbolic. While I hate that you must walk through these difficult doors, I know that God is in control! He will either deliver you from this fiery trial or carry you through it! You can be confident that He will do that which will bring Him the most glory and refine your faith, so that you may bring forth the greatest harvest of fruit for Him! Praying for you!!!

    May I recommend a powerful little book by a woman who walked this path before you? http://www.amazon.com/Turned-Lights-Finding-Treasure-Places-ebook/dp/B00BFJB4BO/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382968490&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=treasures+of+darkness+candy+reid I know you will be blessed by her candid writings! This book is a real treasure!

    • busymomof10

      If you see this comment before you get my email, will you please send me your address! Thanks! 🙂

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Elizabeth and the offer to pray for me on this journey. And I love the way you’ve phrased it, “that you may bring forth the greatest harvest for Him.” That’s a perfect way to pray, my friend!

  • I do not feel heavy-hearted for you, Beth — I feel that your burden will be taken away as you grow through this experience, and you will be healthy and fully ready to take on the next level in your walk!
    I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation 6 years ago. I was 39 years old, and everyone I met in the medical community greeted me with, “You are too young for this!” I learned to lean on God more and more as I faced tests and medications, and two years later had a strange door open: a doctor suggested removing medications and seeing what happened next (full electronic monitoring in place!). From that day on, I have not taken any medication, nor have I experienced the frightening symptoms of atrial fib. I still have an arrhythmia (cyclical), but God has control of my heart, both physically and spiritually!
    You go, Beth. Take on the challenge and conquer it. The God of our lives is with you.

    • Thank you so much, Amy! I truly appreciate your prayers and kind words to me. And I love hearing stories of how God healed and delivered people from the fiery trials in their lives. Next to praying for me, it’s the next best type of encouragement, my friend! Hugs to you!

  • Mia

    Dear Beth
    Oh, my dear sweet friend, how I wish I could be there to just hold you tight. I can just imagine what you are going through. One of my friends in South Africa was also diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago and three of my cousins, three sisters, have had total mastectomies this year. You can be assured that I will be praying for you. Please, dear one, look after yourself now and don’t worry one bit about being busy on the cyberspace.
    Blessings XX
    Mia

    • We don’t have to be in the same country or even same continent for me to feel your loving embrace, Mia! I truly appreciate your kindness to me and your prayers for my situation. I do feel like there are so many people who have gone through this “door” and have come through it victorious on the other side because of Christ’s great care and healing in their lives. I’m counting on Him to walk with me through this as well and looking forward to the growth it will stir in my heart! Hugs to you!

  • Hi Beth. You can imagine my shock when I received the diagnosis of an inoperable brain tumor and given one year to live. “Something” inside told me to seek another opinion (this last one given by two neurosurgeons). God led me to an amazing surgeon in Los Angeles. It’s been 7 years (this month!) since the surgery. I have gone on to get my masters degree and become a psychotherapist in private practice since that alarming diagnosis. I remember the initial shock and fear, but then came the overwhelming peace that made no sense. It spurred me on to seek God’s answer and I learned a lot about his Sovereignty during this time. You are in the palm of His hand and NOTHING will touch you that hasn’t passed through His palm to your life. Prayers from me to you.

    • Oh yes, Linda! What a horrible trial you faced! And I’m so glad you did so with God’s strength and guidance. Your story is so inspirational and encouraging to me. And it sounds like you let this diagnosis catapult you to greater heights than perhaps you would’ve if you hadn’t walked through that door. I already sense God working in my heart in that very same way. I can see that God clearly has His hand on you and I’m SO glad you stopped by to offer a word of encouragement to me. Love hearing your story, my newfound friend, and truly appreciate your prayers!

  • You are in my prayers, Beth! My 26 year old nephew was diagnosed in September with malignant brain cancer and told his time here was limited. We have prayed for him, to have him feel God walking him through this, especially since he is not a believer. He has finished his radiation and chemo, and just last week learned the cancer is gone. We continue to pray.

    As difficult as these times are, they allow us to rise to the occasion and drop to our knees, to remember to let go of control and hang on tight to God, to become a joyful receiver rather than the giver, and to allow God to use this for His glory.

    My nephew got to experience a major God moment with a woman he didn’t know during his treatment, and he now calls her his guardian angel. 🙂 I wrote about it here: http://www.toodarnhappy.com/2013/10/22/today-you-can-be-their-gift-speak-up/

    • I do remember you sharing about him. I’ll have to revisit that post and am so glad that he has been healed. What a wonderful and powerful God we have, Kim! It truly is a test of my faith and giving up control is exactly where I struggle, so this is stretching me in many ways. I like that challenge, “become a joyful receiver rather than giver.” It’s a beautiful word from our Father’s heart, connecting our lives and hearts as well, sweet friend. Thanks for stopping by! I’m going to make it over to your place soon. I bet you’ve got a great post on how Allume went. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

      • One of the speakers at Allume talked about all of us needing to become better receivers. . . not that I’ve ever needed to hear that message. :-O

        Just passing on the encouragement. 🙂 xo

        • Interesting! I hope you share more about what you learned at the conference for those of us who couldn’t go! 🙂

  • Diana Chambers

    Oh Beth, I am so very surprised and sorry to hear this news. Not a door any of us would choose to walk through. You have such a great attitude, and are already being a great encouragement to those who follow you. God WILL use this, in ways you can’t imagine, I’m sure. You will be in my prayers!! I hope you can feel them – right through cyberspace! God’s arms reach very far. Love you!! Keep us posted on specifics on how to pray!

    • Yes, I feel that so strongly, Diana–that God is going to use this in ways I can’t imagine. This is not going to be easy, I don’t want to delude myself in this. But so far, I’ve been praising God and soaking up all the sweet moments of life. It’s like that song, “Live like you were dying.” It makes me want to live my best each moment. I’ll certainly keep you posted. Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me as well as committing to pray!

  • LuAnn Braley

    Holding you up in prayer, my friend! *HUGS*

    • Thanks so much, LuAnn! I appreciate it. Hugs back to you!

  • Lisa Stillman

    Praying for you, Beth, as you walk with God through this door. I have ms, and am so thankful to God for medication that slows the progression down and a wonderful husband who makes it seem as if all the extra that he has to do is no burden at all.

    • MS is such a hard disease, Lisa. I’m certain having to walk this painful and hard road has taught you to stay close to God in ways none who are healthy can fully grasp. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis which is nothing compared to MS, but it has given me a taste of the frustrations and pains of disease and how it affects life. So I feel like God’s taken even my RA and used it to prepare me for this hour. I’m so glad to hear you have a supportive husband. That’s so very important! I’m grateful to be blessed in that way as well. Thanks so much for stopping by! I appreciate the prayers as well!

  • Angie Kay Webb

    Praying for you as you walk this path. I found you through Our Homestead for Him. I plan to join your link up soon. God Bless

    • Thanks so much, Angie. I’m glad you found me and are lifting me up! Isn’t it great how God brings us all together to help each other when we have a need? His amazing ability to weave in the details and the support that is needed are not missed on me. I am so grateful to Him and to you for letting me know of your prayers! I truly appreciate it, new-found friend!

  • Oh Beth I am praying for you, this is quite a challenging door! We’ve walked through something similar, my family’s side (my dad)…I was numb and upset with God half-the time 🙁 But I came out having a deeper understanding of His tenderness and patience and grace. I pray that his Presence and peace and joy envelops you and your family in this time.

    • I think it’s harder for loved ones to accept something like this. I’m feeling God’s presence and comfort through this (at the moment) as He sends His grace and peace to strengthen me and my family may not sense that same level of grace from God (not that it’s not available to them!). This is opening my eyes to so many things already, Ngina. I just want to be a humble learner and walk with Jesus wherever He leads me. Thanks so much for your prayers and support! I’m treasuring them and your friendship today!

  • Nan

    Oh my sweet friend! You have a challenge ahead of you, don’t you? Fortunately we have a God Who is up for any challenge and is the best Coach we could have!

    My brother was diagnosed with cancer, pronounced terminal and given a certain amount of time to live. But God said “not yet.” It’s been over five years, he is still with us, he is in remission and doctors believe he is cured. It all comes down to what God says, not what the doctors say.

    Knowing that, sometimes God’s answer is to take us through difficulties, delivering us THROUGH them instead of out of them. Meaning we don’t always get “instant” deliverance.

    During a difficult time in my life I had trouble thinking truth. So I would write God’s promises on 3×5 cards and I would carry them around in my purse or pocket. During those difficult times when my mind was panicking and my body was trying to cope with it’s own physical problems, I would read those truths and put God’s Word into my heart and into my mind.

    I would read them, pray over them, claim them, and just meditate on them. When we’re struggling with a situation, we can’t always recall Scripture, but since I had it written down I could just read it and it comforted me.

    We will be walking through this with you, my friend, and praying for you. You are in God’s pocket! Love you!

    • I’m always so encouraged to hear all these amazing accounts of God’s healing in people’s lives, Nan. And I also feel like my situation is so small compared to the challenges those like your brother have had to go through! But it just goes to show how very powerful our God is, and like you’ve said, “It all comes down to what God says!”

      Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and you are so right about the word of God. That’s something I’m trying to cling to, memorize and have already found to be so uplifting in this time of uncertainty. Hugs to you!

  • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

    I am so sorry you are having to walk through this door, my friend. I have been and will continue to pray for you. A woman in our church gave a testimony yesterday of all that God has done in her life through her breast cancer diagnosis. She is cancer-free now, but continues to use her experience to encourage and help other women. I sat there thinking, “I don’t want Beth to receive this diagnosis, but I know that if she does, God will help her and use her to help others in the same way he has helped Wendy.”

    • Aww, you are so sweet, Gaye! To think you were in church thinking of me and wishing it wasn’t so! I really sense God’s peace through all the prayers and thoughts friends like you are offering up to God on my behalf. It really is making a huge difference! Thank you so much!

  • I will keep you in my prayers Beth. God will make this victorious and glorious for His name!

    • Thank you so much, Ugochi. I truly appreciate your prayers and am hoping that this will be evidence of God’s glory and strength!

  • JosephPote

    Oh, Beth! I am so sorry! What a heavy burden…and what a difficult path…
    You are truly walking thru the “Valley of the Shadow of Death”…yet, even there, He is with you!
    Definitely praying for you, dear friend!

  • Kathy Wilson Pender

    Dear Beth, As I read your news of this new ‘door’ you’re being asked to walk through, it brought tears to my eyes, that you would be asked to go through this. But as I read your positive words I knew that God would be walking through that door with you and using your experience to help so many others. That’s what He does and that’s what you do, so well! You give so freely to us all when you share your experiences and insight. Rest assured that we will also be walking with you and praying for you. Praying that God gives you the strength you need and fills your heart with the peace that comes with knowing Him more.

  • Oh my dear sweet Beth…I am just learning of this today. I am so sorry, but thankful that it seems to be caught early. Praying for COMPLETE healing in Jesus name and know that our hearts, thoughts and prayers will be with you in the days ahead.

  • Mary

    Dear friend! I am praying right now that our Heavenly Father hears your own prayers and extends peace during this pivotal time in your life. May He surround you with healing, doctors who are skilled and family and friends who will comfort you and support you. Know you are such a blessing in my life!
    Mary

  • Oh, Beth. Praying for healing and for you to feel God’s hand on your every moment – the quiet ones and the crazy busy ones…

  • Nancy Sturm

    Oh, Beth, I’m sorry to hear your news. But I know that our God is bigger than breast cancer and He will carry you through the difficult times. On a personal note, I have a small spot that is “borderline” and the doctors will watch for two years, unless it changes. My thoughts have gone to the “what if,” so I understand a little of what you’re going through. My oldest brother was recently diagnosed with cancer, stage 3. He went through major surgery and will begin chemo in a week. As I lift Ron in prayers I will remember to lift Beth as well. God bless!

  • Beth! I’m so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in prayer, my friend. It’s my privilege to lift you up. Yes, this is a door we’d like to slam closed, isn’t it? But I am agreeing with you that God can use it all. Much love to you.

  • I’m praying for your healing, Beth.
    I’ve never been through cancer. However, in my struggles with an autoimmune disease I’ve found comfort in the words of the hymn “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.” In addition to your healing, I pray you will find new mercies each morning and that God will provide in abundance for all of your needs.