Am I Your Soft Place to Fall? Video

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Today, I’m sharing another video in our series of “sloppy expectations” in marriage. I explore the best way to respond to our spouses when we are confronted by how we’ve hurt them.

 

 

What thoughts typically run through your head when your spouse shares how you’ve hurt them? 

 

What do you think could help you to look to God for the right way to respond in those heated moments?

 

Signature - Beth Blessings

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Linking up with – Marriage MondaysMaking Your Home Sing MondaySunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty and Playdates with God

  • Dear Beth ~

    I love this emphasis on owning our own stuff, rather than endlessly pointing the finger at our spouses. A humble spirit the Lord does not despise … and chances are, our spouse’s heart will begin to soften when we put all our endless defense mechanisms to the side and begin to become safer and more approachable.

    Every week gets better and better around here, my friend. You were MEANT to speak!

    8-}

    • “Owning our stuff” is so hard, Linda, but so very important to the depth and success of our relationships–not to mention deepening our faith in the Lord! It’s a total win-win if you think about it. Although in the heat of the moment, it sure doesn’t feel that way! Thanks so much for your constant encouragement, my sweet friend! As a matter of fact, I was hugely encouraged by your words that I am “meant to speak.” That’s an area of my life that I’ve always felt somewhat insecure about but have constantly felt God’s nudging to do more.

      Hugs to you! 🙂

  • Really good talk – you hit key points squarely.

    One thing I think we have to learn is the “comfort language” of our spouses. Some need to be heard, and the less input from the “guilty” party, the better…beyond an “I apologize” the functional part of the apology is in the listening.

    Others are the opposite – they simply don’;t want to talk, and a sincere apology puts the event into the past.

    Personally, I will no longer let on when I’m hurt. If I absorb it, and let it go, things seem to work better.

    • I agree that the preferences of people in this context vary from person to person. I think “comfort language” is an interesting concept. I’m not sure I’ve heard it put like you have, Andrew. My only concern with giving people this “out” of “it’s just not my preference to process it out or listen to you process it out,” is that it provides a way to avoid deeper connections with our spouse. Apologizing is a vulnerable act, but even more vulnerable is being willing to hear how you’ve hurt someone–for their sake and the marriage’s sake. I think we all want to know that our hurt feelings matter to our spouse and I believe that almost always involves disclosing how or why your feelings were hurt. I recognize that sometimes this can be accomplished by a sincere apology but often it takes much more. I think your situation is one of the few exceptions where not processing things out is probably for the best. For most though, I think it’s an important way to “fight for our marriages” even if that means experiencing a lot of discomfort and vulnerability as we process through our hurts in life and marriage. Thanks for coming by and weighing in, Andrew! You always bring something interesting to the discussion when you stop by!

  • Kristi

    Hi Beth! I love your sloppy joe times!!! Very encouraging! My husband tends not to voice his hurt where as I am full of words (not always a positive trait of mine)…but I do KNOW when I have hurt him and can apologize accordingly…like the other day he just wante me to go to the AT&T store with him an I REALLY didn’t want to go…and voiced that…so anyway…I had to apologize to him….I could tell I hurt his feelings and he sure doesn’t ask a lot of me…I should have just went and got happy about it on the way! Thanks Beth for your passion about strong marriages!