An Inheritance from ‘Grandma Eve’ Plus Giveaway and WW Linkup!

Respect Your Husband

Lori HatcherHeadshotToday we welcome Lori of LoriHatcher.com who is sharing a post that will remind you of what you can do when faced with the temptation to disrespect your husband. Lori is also graciously offering a free Kindle copy of her latest book, Hungry for God. See below for details!

Facetime: God, sometimes I’m stubborn and balk at my husband’s leadership. How can I become more submissive?

I was sitting in the hall awaiting test results when the office manager called me into her office. “I can check you out now,” she said, motioning me forward.
“The nurse told me to wait here until she gave me the results of my bone density test,” I explained.
“Oh, you don’t have to wait,” she said with a confident air, “I can tell you what they are. You have early osteoporosis.”
“Really?” I said, taken aback, “how do you know that?”
“I can tell by looking at you,” she said, “You’re a skinny white woman.”

Turns out this office manager-turned-prophet was right—I did have early osteoporosis. And the condition is most common in—you guessed it—skinny white women. The people most likely to develop osteoporosis are Caucasian women with small bone frames. These three factors genetically predispose me to this condition.

Like osteoporosis, I have another genetic predisposition directly related to my gender—the propensity to usurp my husband’s authority.

My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother Eve was the first to exhibit this tendency, and the gene has replicated itself faithfully since the beginning of time. Just like my mother’s Portuguese/Italian ancestors passed on their dark hair and inability to speak without moving their hands, Eve has shared one of her most troublesome tendencies with me and the rest of our gender. This willful condition manifests itself in many ways.

Here are a few:

  • Our tendency to question our husbands’ knowledge or experience.
  • Our tendency to assume that our way/perspective/insight is automatically correct.
  • Our tendency to disregard his input and do what we want anyway.

The good news? Recognizing our problem brings us one giant step closer to a solution. Or at least a plan of action.

When I found out I had osteoporosis, I didn’t sell my bike, buy a padded suit, and subscribe to Wheelchair Monthly. Instead of resigning myself to “the inevitable,” I got busy. I did some research and discovered what I could do to either slow, stop, or reverse the condition.

I can employ the same active approach to my predisposition willfully to disregard my husband’s leadership. Instead of saying, “Oh well, that’s just how I am …”

I can take conscious steps to change.

I can commit to:

  • Ask for my husband’s advice and input instead of assuming I know what’s best.
  • Acknowledge that while his perspective is often different from mine, it, too, is valuable and worth considering.
  • Listen fully to his thoughts and ideas, not just long enough to know which direction he’s heading and formulate an argument against it.

When I went back to the doctor two years after my initial diagnosis, my bone density numbers had not only stopped decreasing, but had actually risen. By taking active, positive steps, my prospect for long-term health improved dramatically.

I wish my prescription against the disease of willful independence worked as quickly. I suspect, like my tendency to talk with my hands, I’ll have to work on it for the rest of my life. Thankfully, I can trust that as I yield my will to God, he’ll continue to enable me to be a wise, respectful wife who honors my Savior as I honor my husband.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ~Ephesians 5:21

 

Cover HungryForGod resizedThis devotion is an excerpt from Lori Hatcher’s new book, Hungry for God … Starving for Time, Five-Minute Devotions for Busy Women. Lori knows what it’s like to be busy. And what it’s like to struggle to make time for God. Her passion is helping women connect with God in the craziness of everyday life. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God is the nutrition women need to get through the day. A Yankee transplant living in Columbia, South Carolina, Lori uses her speaking and writing ministry to equip and empower women. She’d love to connect with you on her blog (www.LoriHatcher.com), on Facebook – Hungry For God, and Twitter – LoriHatcher2.

 

What ideas could you add to Lori’s list of “conscious steps” that can help change our marriages for the better?

 

What factors have predisposed you or added to the temptation to disregard or ignore your husband’s authority?

 

If you’d like to enter the giveaway for Lori’s book, then comment on this post between now and Friday midnight (CST), March 27, 2015. Our winner for this giveaway is Cassie from TrueAgape.net! Congrats, Cassie! Lori will be in touch with your Kindle copy of Hungry for God!

For those of you who are on Facebook, I’m offering a private Facebook group that will be going through the book of Matthew for nine months! Yes, you heard that right! That means we will be going super slow, so the daily readings are only about 5 or 6 verses or less most days. If you’d like more information you can contact me at – messymarriage@gmail.com. If you’d like to join me, you’ll need to friend me on Facebook (not just like my MM FB page). You can click below to do that – Beth Oster Steffaniak | Create Your Badge

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Let’s get this Wedded Wednesday Linkup started!

Messy Marriage

Find our other WW buttons and guidelines here.

  • bluecottonmemory

    This left me wondering what exactly you did to increase your #s!!!! I love your pro-active approach to living – and to supporting your spouse by respecting his wisdom, insight, what he brings to the table – and leadership! Wonderful list!

    • Lori Hatcher

      Weight-bearing exercise, lots of green leafy veggies paired w vitamin C. A great iron supplement, and I cut out soft drinks, which can leach calcium from our bones.

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    I think that part of the tendency comes from the “grass is greener over THERE” mentality…the same thing that makes us disparage our hometowns, sometimes.

    A lot of wives…and husbands…will sooner listen to the advice of a pal or even a stranger before that of their mate, for this reason (which can also be expressed as Familiarity breeds Contempt). We tend to put our mates on a lower level because we think we know what they’ll say, how they’ll react…and we’re subconsciously looking for the ‘new’ that will solve our problems in one go, give transcendental insight, or just make us look cooler than cool.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-price-of-infidelity-wedded-wednesday.html

    • Lori Hatcher

      Excellent point, and one I had ‘t thought of. Thanks for chiming in.

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  • For me, I try as much as possible to think on God’s word. Submitting to my husband as unto the Lord helps me to acknowledge my husband’s authority as leader of our home…
    When the tendencies and temptations to step out of line arise, which is very often, these thoughts come to mind and I adjust.

    • Lori Hatcher

      Ugochi, God’s word is key, because it’s an accurate filter for our thoughts and actions. Thanks for sharing!

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  • Disregard his input and do what I want anyway. Ouch. This was great in so many ways. Approaching my 36th wedding anniversary (hubby says it’s 23 of the happiest years of his life, lol) I haven’t always followed his advice. Whew! Feels good just to admit it! But so many times he has been right and I have wished I would have listened to his spiritual authority. God designed this plan for a reason…we just think we can do better. ♥

    • Lori Hatcher

      Nannette- guilty as charged. Why do we think our way is automatically the best? I’ve been shamed ao many times by disregarding my husband’s input. Oh my!

  • Mary

    For me, my conscious step has to do with strengthening relationships in general. I am working on being an active listener not just when the conversation will benefit me but for those times that I need to truly be the friend and remember that the other person needs to know they are valued and heard. With a brain on overload, it too often can look like I am distracted and uninterested but this is not the case. So as I work on this intentionality in my listening skills, I pray we may all become active listeners so when we are sharing a deep story we are valued and heard in return too.

    I love the guest post from Lori today! Thank you Lori for sharing the practical and for allowing me to glean these ideas to use in my own life. Blessings!

    • Lori Hatcher

      Mary, you make a powerful point that communication is both talking and listening, and not just listening with your ears, but with your whole countenance. Really hearing someone goes so far in conquering so many ratio ship issues.

  • I consciously make sure my mind set is in the right place. Sometimes I can become judgmental about how he spends his time or what he means when he says something. I don’t have negative thoughts too terribly often, but when I do I make myself replace them with positive ones.

    • Lori Hatcher

      Cassie, that’s the Ephesian’s’ principle– put off and put on. And yes, sin begins in our hearts long before it goes anywhere else. Thanks for sharing.

  • Karine

    This is a great reminder for me as I near my wedding date. Having been in a very unhealthy marriage for several years where there was not only lack of communication but a lack of God, I recognize how priceless God’s guidelines are for not only our marriages but any relationship. God has blessed me with an incredible partner, who is not without fault but more importantly is not without Christ in his heart and I am excited about having that leadership and the type of marriage that God intended

    • Lori Hatcher

      Marine, I am so excited for you as you begin your life together. You’re absolutely right– a marriage founded on Christ and devoted to him is our only hope! Blessings to you!

  • And everything is about the heart in life and marriage. When I finally figured out that lack of respect for my Michael was really a lack of respect and by extension love for my Lord, my heart started to change and I found myself truly respecting my man no matter how different we can be sometimes, and being grateful for God in providing his leadership and care of me which is by far better and greater than anything I can independently do for myself. It has been a long journey, this heart change, and ever continuing. But the reward of obedience in love, always in love not just duty, is ever increasing blessings in our marriage and our life. Thank you, Lord. And thanks, Beth, for letting me share my humble two cents 🙂

    • Lori Hatcher

      Beautiful testimony, Sheila. You have spoken well.

    • Mary Flaherty

      Sheila, I completely agree. I have to say, Beth, Sheila and Lori…that my first marriage was a very unequally yoked one, one in which I was verbally abused in a passive-aggressive way (if that makes any sense!). That kind of marriage makes it very, very difficult to find and give respect. Given a choice to get help or get out, he got out. Today, I’m married to such a dear and wonderful Christian man who makes it easy to WANT to respect him…when I don’t, and when I realize that I’ve hurt him, it hurts me more than how I thought I was being originally being hurt! That’s how I know that I’m truly walking in the love of God.

      • Mary — It is easier to want to respect a man who is worthy of respect and I am grateful I finally realized I have that in my husband! {And yes, I understand about passive abuse!} Blessings…

  • Hi Beth, thanks for having Lori over today. Beautiful words and nugget of wisdom here. God’s wisdom will save us from too many heartaches and disappointments even in our marriages. God Bless

    • Lori Hatcher

      And thanks for your kind words, Ifeoma!

  • Mary Flaherty

    Looks like a great read. My biggest issue is undermining what my husband says; making a double standard (oh dear, that’s TWO things!). If I don’t like what he’s said, I’ll change the parameters so that I can have my own way and say what I want. Yet, paradoxically, I am a leader by nature, and he is a follower, and I don’t like that I tend to make all the decisions and even come up with all the ideas to do something. So when he speaks up or makes a decision, and I don’t like it, I undermine that and I wonder why he doesn’t speak up and take initiative more? Also, the double standard…it’s okay for me to say…leave my clothes in the bathroom, but a pile of clothes from the Hubster in said bathroom? Not okay. And I’m always amazed at how he laughs at my antics and says how cute I am and how much he loves me. It’s a good thing!!!

    • Lori Hatcher

      Oh Mary, have you been watching me on hidden camera? Why do we do these things?! Darn that Grandmother Eve! We want him to lead then contradict him when he does. Then complain about it! I’ll pray for you; you pray for me, and may God have mercy on us!

  • I learned early on in our marriage that I was my husband’s helpmate and that didn’t mean underdog.

    • Lori Hatcher

      Amen, Sandra. Excellent distinction– equally valuable, different job descriptions. Thanks for chiming

  • God had a way of showing me in the past when I went my own way instead of following my husband’s advice. It never seemed to turn out right. I have learned the hard way. I’m really happy to hear about your bone density test getting better, Lori. I just received the osteoporosis diagnosis in several areas last month. Yes, I am a skinny white woman, ha ha. I’ve already taken steps to see this overturned, I’m not yet 50, so it’s a little scary. Blessings to you and to Beth.

    • Lori Hatcher

      Ok, Kim, from one SWW to another, you can do it. AND you can improve your marriage, too. Just being willing to make changes is half the battle. God bless you as you honor him.

  • I’m going to comment but not be included in the giveaway, however, I just had to thank Lori for this important message to us all. Most wives can relate, so it’s great when there’s a clear and simple path to making a difference. I know I’ve been guilty of not realizing the power God gives me as I work on those areas that hurt my life and marriage. But as soon as I return my focus to what I can do, I begin to feel encouraged and see my husband becoming encouraged too! Thanks for sharing with us today, Lori!

    • Lori Hatcher

      You’re right, Beth, It is encouraging to see God work in our husbands’ lives through our obedience. Even when we don’t experience immediate results, however, just knowing we’re obeying God is pricess. Thanks so much for allowing me to share my experience with your readers.

  • Thank you for sharing about Lori’s book. It is a wonderful book that I hope many will read. Thanks too for the linkup party. It is so good to be back!!!!!

  • I think my future husband will thank you (and your guest bloggers) for teaching me a lot of things here in your blog.

    • Lori Hatcher

      Thanks for your kind words, Judith. I appreciate your commitment to be a Titus 2 woman and share what you’ve learned with others.

  • Lori Hatcher

    Lux, you are wise to learn now from the sometimes painful lessons of others! Lori