Appreciate and Enjoy Your Husband’s Masculinity


Today we are privileged to have a guest post from Gaye who blogs over at Calmhealthysexy, while I take a week of much-needed vacation! Gaye has been a great blogging friend and I always value her thoughts and practical insights. I know you’re going to appreciate her perspective today.


Photo credit – © Deklofenak –

It’s easy to buy into our culture’s disdain for men and masculinity, isn’t it?

We’re surrounded by negative messages about men – that they’re inept, insensitive, ineffective or downright evil – and sometimes we incorporate those messages into our own thinking, often subconsciously. We can’t escape these cultural influences completely, but we can minimize their effects by deciding to value our husbands as men and to appreciate their masculine qualities.

Our goal should be to value masculinity and femininity – both were created by God and are essential to a happy marriage! Here are a few ideas for appreciating your husband as a man and enjoying his masculinity:

  • Let him do things for you. Most men like to take care of their woman, so let your husband do things for you! If he wants to take you out to dinner, wonderful – enjoy it! If he wants to handle the children’s baths so you can rest, let him. My husband keeps my car safe and in good condition – and I’m thrilled for him to do it!
  • Don’t try to handle everything. Women often take on too much responsibility for the home and family. When we do, it creates stress and fatigue for us and leaves our husbands feeling as if they aren’t really needed. So let go of some things, and ask your husband to handle them from now on. He won’t do them exactly the way you do them, and that’s perfectly fine.
  • Take care of your husband, but don’t “mother” him. You’re his wife, not his mother. You want to do things for him, but don’t want to feel like he’s another child who needs your attention. If you find yourself feeling that way, back off and let him do the things adults typically do for themselves. In other words, treat him like a man, not a boy.
  • Give him the freedom to enjoy being a man. Most men need some time every now and then to enjoy their own activities. They also like to have a space to call their own – a den, a basement, a workshop. And they don’t want to feel guilty every time they enjoy one of those activities or retreat to that space. So give your husband the occasional gift of time to put aside his responsibilities and just enjoy being a man.
  • Trust him. Sometimes women second-guess everything their husband does or decides. If you find yourself in that position, unless he has made some very bad decisions, give him the benefit of the doubt. That isn’t to say the two of you shouldn’t discuss most decisions – you should. But when he decides to do something, whenever possible, let it go. Also, trust him with the children. Again, unless he’s doing something dangerous, trust him to be their dad – the slightly more adventurous parent!
  • Appreciate and enjoy your husband’s sexuality. Our culture really comes down hard on men’s sexuality, and it’s easy to accept the cultural norm and downplay our husbands’ needs for sex and intimacy. The reality, though, is that it’s completely normal for them to enjoy our bodies and want to have sex with us – that’s the way God made them!  (It’s normal for us to enjoy it too!)  If you’re ignoring or avoiding sex because you’re too tired or just not interested, decide to change your mind and your approach to intimacy. Seek out resources that present married sex in a positive light and offer tips for enjoying it more. (If you’re avoiding it because of serious sexual or marital issues, please consider counseling or other professional resources that can help you deal with those issues.)

When we share responsibilities with our husbands, allow them to be men, trust their judgment and enjoy intimacy with them, we feel more relaxed and less resentful. So if you’re trying, even some of the time, to be both the man and the woman in your marriage, let go and let your husband be the man all of the time!

So, what do you do to show your appreciation to your spouse?


Gaye from with husband

Gaye with her husband, Dan.

You can find her blog at CalmHealthySexy




Linking up withNOBH, Momma Notes, Marriage Mondays, Marriage Moments Monday, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Living Proverbs 31, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday


  1. Rare is the case when one gets irritated by the masculinity of their spouse , the masculine qualities should be adopted happily and enjoyed gratefully . Appreciating his manly skills could lead your man closer to you .

    • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy says:

      Hi Ellen – I agree with you that we should appreciate our husbands, and I hope it is rare for wives to be irritated by their husbands’ masculinity.

      Thanks for sharing.

  2. Yay – I think I’m doing pretty good!! 🙂

  3. Thank you for such a great post and reminder of allowing our husbands to be Masculine! I love what you stated, “The reality, though, is that it’s completely normal for them to enjoy
    our bodies and want to have sex with us – that’s the way God made them!” Wow! To show my husband how much I care, I make him is favorite meal (steak and pasta) once a week. I requires extra time, because he is very specific about his food but I love seeing him smile. Stopping by from Marriage Monday link-up. I look forward to staying connected.

    • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy says:

      Hi Delora – I love the idea of showing appreciation for your husband by making him a special meal every week!

      Thanks for sharing.

  4. Much needed message. Sometimes the very things that get on our nerves are also the very things that we were originally attracted to–and need to be attracted to again. I love that my husband is a real man, even though that means we’re very different. 🙂

    • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy says:

      Thanks Lisa. Isn’t it strange how the things that attracted us in the beginning can get on our nerves after a few years?! I sometimes have to remind myself not to allow that to happen.


  5. Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy says:

    Beth – The new blog design looks great!

  6. Dear Gay
    Thanks for a great post filled with such wisdom! I always say that we should not expect our Hubbies to fill the place in our hearts that only God can! After all, they are just as needy. This is not wise at all.
    Hugs XX

  7. Yes, yes, yes! I really think our society doesn’t approve of allowing men to be men, and it’s a real problem.
    I love all your suggestions, especially not to mother him, and to allow him to enjoy being a man. (I hear Tim the Tool Man here, doing his trademark whoot, whoot, whoot!)
    When both of us are happy, it makes for a more joyful marriage!
    Congrats on taking care of the place while Beth takes her vaca. Great piece!

    • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy says:

      Tim the Tool Man – that gave me a good laugh! Thanks so much, Kim – I appreciate your support.

  8. There’s such a trend in our society towards raising kids to be more gender neutral. I don’t believe this is a good thing. I’m so glad my husband is masculine so our sons will have his example!

  9. Such good advice. I’ve found that when I express my appreciation for my husband it always brings good back to me! And when I am respectful and appreciative of my husband, I notice my friends are more likely to too. Good thoughts.