Battling to Spiritually Lead? Sloppy Joe Time Video

Spiritual Leader

Sometimes the “best laid plans” of wives and husband’s go awry! Especially when wives, like me, try to encourage their husbands to lead spiritually.

In this video, I share about how I struggle with this in my own marriage and describe how my over-zealousness, eh-hem, “pride” really hurt my husband and children.

Maybe you can relate. I hope you’ll watch the video below to find out how to learn from my mistakes!

In what ways are you tempted to “take-over” for your husband’s lack of spiritual leadership?

 

How can we encourage our spouse’s to lead or to lead spiritually without discouraging them and our families in the process?

 

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If you’d like to view the video at Messy Marriage’s Youtube channel or view some of the other Sloppy Joe Time videos, click here. And I’d love it if you’d subscribe to the channel while you’re there!


 

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Faith and Friends, Making Your Home SingMondays @ Soul Survival,  Sunday Stillness,  Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays and  Playdates with God

  • HI Beth,

    Great thoughts here. Do you still do devotionals with your children now? What happened and how did they stop, if they did? Did your hubby persevere through your children’s behaviour?
    I have learned to step back and let my husband “lead” when he feels led. It is hard since I am a Christian writer and reader – he is not. But he did start a Christian charity – did all the work himself. I can see a change in him when I stepped back. Good reminder to me, though as I do tend to “lead”.

    Blessings,
    Janis

    • Thanks so much for your encouragement, Janis! Actually my “children” are all 19 years and above! So they do their own devotional times. In fact, my oldest son (25) is getting married in two weeks and hopefully will learn how to lead spiritually–although I think he is already doing this well from what I’ve witnessed. In answer to your other questions, I think that we would go for a while with my husband leading, then sometimes I would lead for a while, sometimes we both led out together and sometimes we wouldn’t do family devotionals at all. It was a mixed bag throughout the years. I just know that I made it much worse whenever I tried to “take over” when my husband would get discouraged. Yes, I’m learning to step back and let my husband lead–especially spiritually. But, like you, I’m a strong leader as well, so it’s definitely a challenge to keep my mouth shut and my heart right! I think it’s a lot like a dance. I don’t need to step away altogether to simply watch my husband lead, but I need to stay with him as he leads us around the “dance floor.” Thanks for coming by and asking some great questions!

  • Janet

    Such a challenging topic! I’m with Janis, though, I often have to step back for my husband’s leadership. I don’t think we’re competitive, as much as we both feel better controlling our environments. When those environments mesh-up…I defer. I haven’t seen very many videocasts like yours (kinda new to some of this…). I liked the subtitles, and I might be just a little envious of your speaking ability. None of the uh’s and ah’s that seem to pepper my speech. I hope you have a great week ahead. I’m your neighbor at Spiritual Sundays.

    • I don’t see it as being competitive in the moment, Janet. It’s only as I look back on my motivations that I see them mostly fueled with pride along with a dash of practical perseverance! Thanks for the kind words about my video. Yes, I have gotten a lot of encouragement regarding my “subtitles.” In fact, it’s part of the process that has been so much fun. It stretches my humor muscles as well as giving me an outlet for my funny bone! And it’s “funny” that you should say you envy my speaking skills, because I see all the flaws in my delivery. In fact, I almost didn’t use this one b/c there was a place where I fumbled a bit. But I have gotten to place in this video production process where I just don’t want to be a perfectionist but rather focus on providing good content. I just don’t have the time for “perfection” these days! Lol! Thanks for your encouragement, my friend!

  • Yeah, we often just swoop in and take control when things {like devotions} aren’t going the way we think they should. Instead of coming alongside each other, we just knock our spouses out of the way because we think our way’s always the best.

    What a joke.

    Lots of subtle pride, passive aggressive behavior happens when we’re know-it-alls, huh? No wonder our spouses are reluctant to rise to the occasion.

    Good stuff, Beth. So thought-provoking, so wise.

    • It’s funny the way you’ve put that, Linda. You make it sound like we’re “vultures” waiting to pounce on a fresh piece of meat! And I’m sure that’s how it looks and feels to all involved! I’m grateful that God has opened my eyes, and apparently, yours at one time. We are leaders, so it’s harder for us to “hold our horses!” Love ya, sweet girlfriend!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Good one, Beth!

    I don’t think me wife realizes I AM a Christian. I do study and respect other religions, and have never been moved by emotive praise and worship. My Christianity is functional, and based on Ockam’s Razor – something extraordinary happened in the Levant two millennia back, and the most plausible explanation is, indeed, the Gospel story. People haven’t changed all that much, and for the Apostles – who were clearly intelligent and resourceful – to embrace a path which would lead to inevitable martyrdom had to be based on something beyond Jesus being a good moral teacher who was killed by crucifixion.

    The only plausible explanation, to me, is that Jesus was exactly who He claimed to be.

    Pretty inspiring for shared devotionals, eh? Kind of like Spock singing “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”.

    For what it’s worth, I did explore this subject in my blog post for today…

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/06/your-dying-spouse-15-faith.html

    • Yes, the fact that believers throughout the ages have died for their faith certainly gives Christianity credence, Andrew. But the One, pure and blameless Son of God, who gave His life for us all when He didn’t have to is my main reason for trusting in Him! No other spiritual leader or purported god can say or do that! Thanks for adding to the discussion, my friend!

  • Once I let go of what my idea of “leadership” was, things immediately improved in that area in our house. My husband and I now have a much more egalitarian spiritual relationship with each other, and it’s been a huge blessing and growth for both of us. It just looks different for every family! Thanks for sharing, Beth.

    • That’s a great point, Lisa. So much of the time we are simply coming at this issue of leadership over a difference of opinion about how to lead. That’s an area where my husband and I bump up against each other constantly–especially since we lead marriage groups together through our church! It can be quite hilarious in action–in front of a group sometimes! Yikes! At least we know when to admit our failures and laugh about them too. Thanks so much for watching the video, my friend! And again, congrats on your daughter’s wedding!

      • Actually the wedding photo was from when she got married in 2011. But it seems just like yesterday! ha. Congrats to your son’s upcoming marriage! Praying for a beautiful day and wonderful memories from it. I know you’ll be a beautiful mother-of-the-groom!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    One rather bizarre thing that led to my wife discounting my faith was an argument over the Rapture. My feeling was, and is, that I didn’t WANT to be ‘raptured up’. At that point the world’s going to need people who’re trained to protect, trained to save lives…and my job will be here.

    That did not go over well, to say the least.

    • Funny, Andrew! I hope that you two can step back from that tense moment and see the humor in it! Not to mention, your heart to want to help with the skills God’s given you.

  • This encourages me on such a deep level, Beth. Hubbies who work in the market place can kick back when they get home, because they’ve been on the “frontline” the whole day and they don’t want yet another “must-do” thing on their Schedule. I’ve come to peace with the truth that God won’t hold me responsible for my husbands responsibilities! And I believe many wives need to understand that too. Great reminder for me today!