Becoming One with Your Spouse

Cassie squareToday, while I, Beth, am gone with my pastor hubby to the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Leadership Conference in Queens, New York, Cassie Celestain, blogger at TrueAgape has graciously offered to host Wedded Wednesday for me! I hope you’ll check out Cassie’s bio below for more on her ministry to marrieds.

Developing Oneness

Throughout the Bible we read about two becoming one flesh over and over again. First, in Genesis 2:24,

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Later, in Mark 10:8 Jesus says almost the exact same words. Then, in Ephesians 5:31 Paul quotes Genesis once again. When speaking of marriage this is the verse often sited.  So what exactly does “become one flesh” mean? We are going to take a little closer look!

What Becoming One Does Mean
“Be joined” in Genesis speaks both of a physical embrace but also a more general aspect of the marital bonding. If you look up the word “one” in the dictionary you can find the following definition: “existing, acting, or considered as a single unit, entity, or individual.”  We know that as a couple we are to make decisions and create an identity together.  We have to remember us and our spouse become “we” not just “me and you.”

What Becoming One Does NOT Mean
When we become one we do not lose our personal identities. We still have our own goals and ambitions. We each have our own pursuits that we seek after. Oneness does not mean “sameness”. We still have characteristics that make each of us who we are.

How to Become One
Oneness is not automatic, but created over time! That is often why people say they love their spouse more and more as their marriage goes on. Sharing thoughts, feelings, dreams, joys, frustrations, sorrows and activities all help create oneness. Establishing a time once a day to connect with your spouse to share these things aids in forming unity. Becoming one can take place during morning coffee, mid-morning break, dinner time or after the kids are in bed. Any time that you can set aside to daily connect with your spouse will produce more oneness. Take the initiate and make the commitment!

 

When do you connect with your spouse and what helps you to keep that a priority in your marriage?

 

Cassie Celestain of TrueAgape is a wife, runner and a marriage and family blogger. She believes respect, trust, understanding and willingness creates happy marriages. She strives to keep those things the main focus in her marriage and wants to challenge others to do the same. You can get her updates at  Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter.

 

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Joining with  Works for Me WednesdayTo Love Honor and Vacuum, Whimsical Wednesday and Wholehearted Wednesday

*Photo by Stephen Cummings and edited by Beth Steffaniak

 

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  • Mary

    Thank you Cassie for being the guest host and blogger today for Wedded Wednesday while Beth gets some much needed time away. I agree with your point about “what becoming one doesn’t mean” and especially relate to keeping your personal identities. Blessings today for all to allow God to be the center of their relationships!

    • Thank you, Mary! I
      feel like that is sometimes forgotten. Especially in the early stages of
      marriage. Some may feel pressured that they have to pick up their spouses hobby
      or change things that they do. But that is not the case at all. Both parties
      should understand and accept the others personal identities before marriage
      begins and continue to do the same throughout marriage. Thank you for stopping
      by!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Thanks for being here today, Cassie. This is an important topic, and you’ve done it justice.

    One very important aspect of becoming one is showing interest in the details of your mate’s life. Those details, be they rewarding or frustrating, are really what makes up your mate’s life, and they’re of enormous personal importance.

    There’s a book called “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”. Uh, pardon me…but LIFE is the small stuff.

    Men so often don’t want to listen to their wives trying to decide between colors of nail polish…but those colors can make a woman feel beautiful, and can help her to feel valued…if her husband cares to listen and look.

    And many wives don’t want to hear about how his bowling team almost won the city championship…and they can’t see that there’s a husband who wants the most important person in his life to be proud of him.

    Marriage is a lifetime study of another human being, a person who’s given you his or her whole heart.

    ‘It’s a heart that DOES sweat the small stuff…and if you want to love…shouldn’t you care?

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2014/05/help-i-married-wrong-person.html

    • I completely agree with you Andrew! A part of
      being one is connecting and knowing what is going on in their life! Knowing
      what is important to them right now, but actively engaging with them which can
      mean just listening, or discussing, and even coming up with a solution. Both
      parties really have to take the time to connect! Thank you for sharing your
      thoughts as well!

  • Nan

    I think you made a very good point. Becoming one does NOT mean losing our identity. It’s sad that some still believe this about marriage. Sometimes I think it’s just a fear or perhaps an excuse to avoid commitment.

    My husband is a pastor and so he has Friday’s off. So I try and keep that day somewhat free if I can. That way we are free to go somewhere or do something if we want! Sometimes we will run errands together just so we can spend time together. Our children are grown but we both lead busy lives so we connect where and when we can! That’s why Fridays are something that I try and keep open. Thanks for hosting today, Cassie!

    • Nan- That is great that you take the time to try to spend that day together! For me it is getting up when my husband gets up to see him off each day and 99% of the time we eat dinner together at home each night. I really enjoy that daily connection!

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  • Sharing our heartfelt feelings in any conversation helps us to see into each other and grow closer — become one. You are right that it is a process to become one. The vows begin the process with a commitment to one another but it takes time and energy to grow together.

    • I agree Sharon! We have only been married a little over 2 and a half years, but I see the growth we have had already and look forward to so much more of it as life goes on! We are pregnant with our first and we have grown closer through that and will continue to through the whole process I am sure!

  • Praying with my husband enhances our bonding to becoming one. Also when we have deep heart to heart talks, we connect on a deeper level. Thanks for sharing and hosting Cassie.
    Beth you enjoy many blessings at the conference.

    • Ugochi- I am a quality time person so I understand completely about the heart to heart talks! Any time that we can have those connections through talking and prayer it is great!

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  • Thanks Cassie for such a encouraging post. It is so true that you can draw closer as time goes on in your marriage. Thanks for hosting the linkup while Beth is gone to the retreat.

    • Thank you Judith! I was honored to host while Beth was gone. I know my hubby and I have connected more over the past 2.5 years and am looking forward to more time passing just because I know we will grow closer together!

  • JosephPote

    A very good post, Cassie! I especially like how you point out the difference between oneness and sameness.
    Thanks for sharing!

    • I am glad you enjoyed the post Joseph! The thing is they are different, yet people get them confused or think they are the same. Glad I could share here at Messy Marriage!