Blaming Yourself for the Mess?

Sometimes we get hung up in a messy marriage because we blame our partner or even God, like I mentioned in my post last week, Feeling Trapped in a Loveless Marriage.

But sometimes we feel we’re the one to blame for the messes in our marriage.

Are you burdened down with guilt and shame for the damage you’ve caused in your marriage?

Or perhaps you’re running from that horrible truth …

Feeling so responsible for the damage in your marriage that you’re denying it at all costs—looking for a way to escape from the truth.

If either option is the case for you, I want to remind you of an even greater, stronger truth than the truth of your circumstances …

It’s the truth that God is for you and can transform you … if you’ll let Him.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Watch this video for a moving confirmation of this truth. Let it be the nudge you need to turn it all over to Him.


Linking up with NOBH, Revive Your Marriage, Playdates with God, Seedlings in Stone and Marital Oneness Monday


  1. What an encouraging message here today Beth.

    I’ve always deeply appreciated Romans 12:2, and attribute all
    the good and pure in my life to this verse that has helped me focus on
    transforming my mind through his word.

    Touching video and song. Thank you!

  2. A wonderful reminder. I really like that song! 🙂

  3. Oh, the video was awesome! thank you for holding out hope, Beth. He is, indeed, our only Hope.

  4. A beautiful post and an inspiring video!
    I love your heart and your message, Beth!

  5. beautiful…yes He redeems all things if we let Him…I wrote…sometimes we have to eat some bitter fruit because God allows us to choose…but whether bitter or sweet fruit…it all nourishes us…love the video…blessings to you Beth~

  6. Loved the video! I had heard the song before, but hadn’t seen the video before.

  7. Love this sentiment, Ro. Have never thought of it as having to eat some bitter fruit!

  8. A powerful message, Beth. Just love the verse from Romans. Read Chapter 12 just this morning-one of my favorites!

  9. if you were sitting next to me right now, my friend, my tears would show you how gloriously timed this is for me.
    thank you, beth.
    and all glory be to our beauty from ashes Father.

  10. DrAnns_guide says:

    Beautiful message and video Beth! It is wonderful to hear the good news that we are free in Christ – free to love, to serve, and to leave behind our brokenness. Uplifted!

  11. Yes! He is about transformation, isn’t He? Thank you for bringing this beautiful truth home for me, Beth.

  12. messymarriage says:

    Yes, Romans 12:2 is such an encouraging verse. And I put much thought into which verse I chose for this post, since there are so many that speak to Christ’s transformation in our lives. But I’m glad I chose this verse, and it seems, we’re not the only ones who like it. 🙂 Thanks so much for your kind words and for stopping by, Debra!

  13. messymarriage says:

    Thanks so much for saying, Jenni, and for coming by to hear it. I know it brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it.

  14. messymarriage says:

    Isn’t it an amazing video? I’ve watched it so many times and every time I tear up. I really love focusing on God’s power to transform our hearts–for myself and others. Thanks so much for stopping by, Kelli. We still need to figure out when to get together, girlfriend! 🙂

  15. messymarriage says:

    Thanks so much, Joe. I always appreciate your encouragement and your blog. Thanks for having a similar heart to minister to the broken in marriage. 🙂

  16. messymarriage says:

    Thanks so much for your encouragement, Ro. I’m glad the video ministered to you. I posted it to Facebook but just couldn’t leave it at that alone. It is too beautiful and meaningful of a message.

  17. messymarriage says:

    Yes, we sing the song at my church and I always love it when they do. But this video makes the song even more moving and meaningful. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me, Sharon.

  18. messymarriage says:

    Isn’t that cool … that God brought this verse to your attention more than once today? Maybe He’s up to something especially encouraging in your life, Kim. I’m so glad you liked it and came by to visit, sweet friend!

  19. messymarriage says:

    Awww, Tanya. That means so much to me. Thanks for letting me know that you needed this and I pray that God uses this message of encouragement to break through any discouragement or doubt you have about yourself or your life.

  20. messymarriage says:

    I’m so glad this uplifted you, Ann. I guess we really can’t help but be encouraged when we realize the redemption and freedom that Christ gives, as you’ve so eloquently stated. I hope you know just how much your kind words and friendship mean to me, friend. Hugs to you!

  21. messymarriage says:

    Well, I’m just the vessel that brought it, but I’m grateful that it touched you, Laura. And I’m praying that you’ll see what a beautiful thing God is doing in your life, lovely friend!

  22. He is up to something, for sure, Beth. Long story short: my hubbie and I accepted an invitation to co-lead our teen youth group for the first time. The main teaching is done by another couple. What are we studying this year? Romans. Fancy that. ;-D

    Looking forward to what He has to say to me this year through the teen group and the study.

  23. Wow, Beth. This brought tears to my eyes, and quickly made its way into my heart and onto a post this morning …
    Thank you for this powerful reminder!

  24. messymarriage says:

    I’m so glad you wanted to use this, Linda. It really is SO powerful, isn’t it? And so glad that we can both spread the good news of Christ’s redemption! Hugs to you!