Blessings in the Messes

Here’s a true confession: Coming clean about having a messy marriage was and is, at times, scary. But lately I’ve been realizing that having had a messy marriage is a blessing. Let me explain.


Back when I was young and unmarried, I had this romanticized idea about love and marriage. I felt like there had to be a soul-mate for me out there somewhere. I just needed to find “Mr. Right.” Unfortunately, I bought the whole Hollywood lie.


So when my husband and I got married and things weren’t easy—in fact, were often very difficult—I felt like I had married the wrong guy. I thought that if I had just found someone easier to live withmy soul-matethen my marriage would be what I always wanted. 

Now, I realize that is such a crock!

God knew that I had so many rough edges, not to mention magical notions and lies that needed to be knocked off, that he didn’t want me to find my “Prince Charming.” God wanted me to look to the Prince of Peace to find my wholeness. Without those struggles, hard-times, and yes, even messes in marriage, I wouldn’t have sought God so fiercely. I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that I’ve learned and continue to learn today.

But here’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: not only have I learned lessons that are invaluable to me now, but I also have found a friend in my husband that I would have never known had we sailed through smooth waters in our married life.

There’s something that galvanizes a friendship, love and bond between two people who trudge through trial after trial together and make it to the other sidestill together! There’s something so precious that forms between two people who learn to grow-up together and who learn to trust God together.

I am not ashamed to say that I have had a messy marriage. I hope that you are not ashamed to admit that God is walking you through hard times in your life and marriage, because that’s where the blessings from the lessons of life come.

If you are not ashamed to admit that you are or have experienced some messes in life or marriage, please consider, if you haven’t already, following me and this blog. You don’t have to sign in with your full name to be a follower. You can use your initials or even a nickname. But I would challenge you to feel good about letting others see that you are authentic and courageous enough to admit you are flawed and human. I promise you, no one will think less of you—only more!  I know, I certainly will!

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.” –Psalm 73:25 (NIV)

  • Two books which helped me in this area are “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas, and “The Cinderella Syndrome” by Lee Ezell. Thomas book introduced me to the concept that God did not give me my husband so I would be happy, but to refine me into something more like Himself. As a young woman,I read and passed along “the Cinderella Syndrome” to all my single girlfriends. The story of how a woman’s Knight in Shining armor didn’t come in the package she had expected, and for that reason she almost missed him.

  • I agree, Kimberly. I’ve read both of those books and feel they are great resources for those (and there are many) who have fallen for the whole “soul-mate” conspiracy. I also like the concept from Sacred Marriage that marriage is not about our happiness but our holiness.

    Thanks for mentioning and, as always, commenting! Yea! You’re my first commenter!

  • I am so flawed that I am invested in Messy Marriage! 🙂 I like to say that I’ve made so many messes that I know perfectly what NOT to do! Talk to you soon!

  • Thanks, Stacey! Thanks for commenting. Thanks for writing your guest post. Thanks for your ideas and helping me to brainstorm. Thanks for your support and cheerleading! Can you tell I appreciate you?!