Can I out-shout you? SJT Video

Hard Hearts in ConflictIn today’s “Sloppy Joe Time” video, I’m pulling back the curtains on a rather unflattering time when I made my messy marriage that much messier by trying to “out-shout” my husband in times of conflict! I hope you’ll check it out by clicking on the less than 3 minute video below!

 

 

One more thing: Last Monday I challenged myself and all of you to join me in memorizing Scriptures in our “Got Truth” challenge. I think I’ve got James 1:19-20 down!

How about you?

I’d like to offer new verses each week, and this week’s verse goes along with SJT’s theme …

Got Truth?

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” ~Prov. 12:18 (NIV)

Can you relate? Tell me I’m not the only one!

 

What other messy ways of dealing with conflict have you and your spouse tried to end or avoid an argument?

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Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Making Your Home SingMondays @ Soul Survival,  Sunday Stillness,  Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays, Words with Winter and  Playdates with God

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  • Gayl Wright

    Those are great verses to memorize. You are so right about making things worse by trying to outshout one another. But it’s also not helpful when one or the other is just silent keeping everything in. That can tend to make things messier, too. But God can help us find the right ways to resolve conflict. I think it takes mutual respect and a willingness to listen in order to correctly communicate. Thanks for sharing. I’m visiting from Sunday Stillness.

    • You are right, Gayl. I actually used to be the one who wouldn’t enter the conflict. I wanted to stuff and run! So my hubby encouraged me to tell him what I was feeling and when I did, it came out like a cannonball in his lap! 😉 And yes, you are so right about God’s help in those tension filled moments. I actually think I’ve learned more from all of these messy moments than from any moment that I handled something “half-way right.” God’s a great Redeemer and Refiner! Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me!

  • Mary

    I love that you are choosing verses to memorize. I actually have just started that too. I’m starting small and very simple but even taking this step is huge for me. As for who can out shout the other spouse, I always tended to get quieter as my spouse got louder. I am very uncomfortable in situations that become loud. Thanks for another Sloppy Joe time. Have a great week.

    • I used to do it (scripture memory) all the time, Mary and I miss the comfort and presence of God that it brings to any situation. As far as conflict goes, I used to be very fearful and run the other way when tensions arose with my hubby. He hated that, though and encouraged me to “tell him how I really felt.” Little did he know what he was asking for! ha! Now we are finding that middle ground of respectful assertiveness, not to mention, choosing our times to talk much more carefully. Thanks for your friendship, my friend!

  • Erica

    Sometimes I think you might be peeking into my house 🙂

    • Aww, sweet, mild-mannered Erica? Surely not! And yes, I think it can happen to the best of us, especially if that’s what we saw in our families growing up. Not that I’m throwing my parents under the bus or anything! 😉 Thanks for coming by and authentically sharing. Helps me not feel quite so alone in this ugly disclosure, my friend!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Great post, though I can’t imagine you being anything less than courteous, much less trying out-shout someone.

    My feeling is that the goal of out-shouting is not only tit-for-tat, but an effort to so overwhelm the ‘enemy’ that he or she is rendered speechless. It may be taken in a position of one’s own perceived weakness; if we’re running out of things to say, we turn to a blunt instrument.

    Or we turn to a dagger, by delivering ‘zingers’; and so often zingers are tangential to the argument’s subject, designed specifically to hurt as an attack on character or maturity…”Oh, yeah, you ALWAYS say that”, or “You’re just like your parents”.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/09/your-dying-spouse-56-to-avoid-going-mad.html

    • I think much of my thought in those moments was fueled by fear and familiarity, Andrew. My fear or anxiety is always HUGE in times of conflict or tension. I used to run the other way, but then my hubby encouraged me to “come out” and boy, did he ever regret that! 😉 The familiarity was what I witnessed with my parents. My mother was a “yeller” and would rage at my dad until he would be provoked. Then he would “yell” to a degree back, after many taunts to “join the fight” by my mom. We were reliving and replaying that same dynamic in my own marriage. Thankfully, we’ve learned how to see it when it’s coming and travel a different path now. I also think that Gary and I are both “passionate” people and that comes out sometimes as “yelling.” You are right about that “zinger” reference as well. I have always loved sarcasm–to my detriment. So that’s what I would tend to do with my arguing–find a way to hack him, hoping it would hurt so deeply he would recoil. But it never did that. It only made matters worse for both of us–inside and out. Thanks for coming by. I hope you are doing as well as possible today. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

  • Beth,
    How fun to see and hear you…and you’re right about how “out-shouting” doesn’t work because it doesn’t help us to listen to one another…and it is helps to look at what is underneath the anger, the hurt etc. that you mention in your video….blessings 🙂

  • Very good idea to have a safeword! I know couples where one person will leave the room as an equivalent. However, doesn’t always work: my sister used to follow her partner round the house, shouting at him (relationship didn’t last long).

    Me, I’m the opposite. If I think an argument is going nowhere I will just agree to everything as convincingly as possible.

    David

  • Thanks for linking at Mondays @ Soul Survival! Blessings!