Differences

Written by Heather Copple
Messy Marriage Team Member

his & hers

Scott and I look at the world very differently for many reasons. Our gender, our childhoods and our personalities are the main reasons for those differences. Some of the differences bring out the best in each other and some don’t really do anything good or bad, but some can really cause us problems. I know for certain that I can drive Scott crazy with how very different I am from him, but over the years we’ve learned to appreciate both the good and the “crazy-making” in our differences.
An example of a good difference that has made me better is that Scott doesn’t worry. 
My hubby is so laid back and calm and has always been that way. 
But this difference has helped me immeasurably, because I am not so calm and laid back. 
I am active. Good times or bad times, I’m going, moving, thinking and planning. 
This difference between us taught me that it is okay to pause and be still. Scott was able to show me that just hanging out is okay and fun. Now I allow myself to let things go and just sit back and relax more often. I truly enjoyed my kid’s babyhood more because I let the dishes and laundry go for a couple of hours and spent that time cuddling with my family.
Some of our differences are not good or bad—just different. An example of this is that Scott loves golf and I don’t really care for it. 
He loves to play, read and watch stuff about golf. 
I would rather not. 
Again, I have learned from this difference. I learned that my hubby enjoys telling me about golf. He likes me to watch it with him. 
I love my husband and so I should learn to appreciate those things that make him smile. 
His eyes light up whenever golf is involved and I love seeing him this way. So I watch golf and talk to him about it often. I want him to share all of himself with me—so I have learned a lot about golf over the years and actually appreciate the sport more now because of Scott.
Some of our differences can cause huge problems in our marriage. Scott and I act very differently in our abilities to remember things. 
I am not forgetful

and Scott just is
This has caused many moments of frustration and strife between us. I would get so upset when Scott forgot something, so I had to figure out how to handle these moments. We decided that a “honey-do list was the answer. Now, I write things down on paper for Scott to refer to and remember. He can’t always help that he forgets stuff. And I remind myself he has never forgotten the really important stuff like the kids, or me!
Scott and I are so very different from each other and that enriches our marriage. 
I fell in love with Scott—the laid back, golf-loving, forgetful guy. 
He got me—a hyper, non-golf-loving and not forgetful girl. 
I am ecstatic that he fell in love with me. Everything about this man has helped me to be a better person, mom and spouse. His differences help me to push myself out of my comfort zone.
What differences do you love about your spouse? 
What differences drive you crazy? 
How have you handled the differences in your marriage?
“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit.” 1 Corinthians 12:4 (NIV)
“If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)

Photo by cristina photographs (Flickr) 

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  • messymarriage

    I really like how you’ve not allowed the differences to become a wedge between the two of you. And have actually learned to appreciate what Scott likes along the way. What a great example of a loving spouse, Heather! Great words!

  • Heather

    Thank you, Beth! In our core values we are so very similar but in other areas we really are quite opposite, so we needed to figure out a way to live with one another. Scott is one of my best teachers when it comes to dealing with differences and I am one of his.

  • rboerner

    Thanks for this reminder. My hubby and I are very different in many ways and we wonder sometimes how we got together. We have to really learn to accept one another and that brings many new challenges to each other. I love how you say to get to know the other person’s passions and try to learn more about that. Three years ago we decided to start taking a weekend a year on our anniversary and visiting all the football stadiums (I hate football) The other part of our anniversary weekend is that he goes shopping with me (no complaints) It is a great compromise and we get excited about it every year.

  • Heather

    Thanks for sharing your story too! It is amazing how excitement can be contagious even when it involves something you may not like. I get excited over watching golf now with my husband (of course, he does let me comment on the fashion of the golfers). Thanks for your comment.

  • Stacey

    I love this post Heather!! I think it’s my fave of all that you’ve written. 🙂 Great job!

  • Heather

    Thank you Stacey! Your comments are always so appreciated.