Drowning in Messy Feelings

One of the main reasons messy marriages get messy is because of messy feelings.
Sadministration
When my husband, Gary, does something that hurts my feelingsI mean, really hurts my feelingsthen my whole world can turn upside down in an instant. It’s like the man that I thought I loved, is now suddenly the man I can’t get far enough away from.
In retrospect, I don’t know whether it’s him I’m trying to get away from or the feeling—that icky, sinking, gut-wrenching feeling of rejection and pain.
Can you relate?
My mind plays games with me at times like that. What I think I want is to hurt him, to teach him a lesson, to (dare I say it) leave him. (I haven’t ever acted on that feeling, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.)
Even though, it might feel like I’m sinking down into quick-sand, God draws near to me. He reminds me of his love for me and whispers comforting words to my weary heart. But that’s not where God stops. He also whispers the truth into my mind. And the truth doesn’t always feel quite as warm and fuzzy.
This is the truth that He whispers . . .
“Love Gary like I love you.”
In that moment, I don’t want to hear those words. They seem as bitter as my husband’s actions have been.
But I know that I have a choice.
I can choose to let my feelings drown out God’s voice. I can choose to stay focused on my pain, desperately seeking my own relief.
Or . . .
I can do what I don’t want to do—deny myself and take up my cross . . .
And love like Jesus loves.
When I do that, I may not feel it immediately, but eventually I feel closer to Gary—like I’m learning to love him more. And as a double bonus (and God likes to doubly bless), my faith in Christ grows exponentially.
Have you faced messy feelings like these? 

What do you do with them when you do?


Here’s the challenge I want to accept and hope that you accept too –  

Realize and accept the reality that God is there with me and you in our pain, and is able to help us love our spouses like He loves me and you.

Photo by Tavallai (Flickr)
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  • Hi Beth

    I really could relate to this post.. who couldn’t really? I honestly think that all women are wired this way..we feel our emotional wounds SO deeply.. I guess we’re all drama queens at heart. It is so hard to pick up the cross isn’t it, but I’ve found that if I don’t.. when I dig my heels in.. I get no peace in it. I sigh and give in and do the right thing, the thing I ought to have done from the start.

    Thanks for a great post!

  • To love as JESUS loves…to give Grace…you are wise not to act on feelings, but on His Word to your heart…marriages need much grace to thrive.

  • Thank you, ladies! I’m glad you found it encouraging. Isn’t it amazing how God can turn our pain into encouragement and support?! I know it helps me to persevere.

  • What a wonderful ministry you have here! I know my marriage went through a tough time after the birth of our second child. We hung in there and somehow, making it through has made our love richer. That’s the encouragement I’d like to give: don’t give up too soon. Keep speaking this good word!

  • What a wonderful ministry you have here! I know my marriage went through a tough time after the birth of our second child. We hung in there and somehow, making it through has made our love richer. That’s the encouragement I’d like to give: don’t give up too soon. Keep speaking this good word!