‘Emotionally Healthy Woman’ Book Review/Giveaway

 A couple of months ago I did a review on the book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. But today I’m going to do a giveaway and review of his wife’s book, Emotionally Healthy Woman.

If you don’t know Peter and Geri Scazzero’s story, then you are missing out on insightful journey that took them really from the “messiness” and unhealthiness in their life, work and marriage to one of authenticity, integrity and surrender.

Peter and his wife, Geri founded New Life Fellowship Church in New York City 25+ years ago. In time, this pastor and pastor’s wife found themselves being crushed by the “ministry machinery” that they had put in place.

Geri was the first one to realize how unhealthy her life and marriage had become and made the life-altering decision to quit the church they had founded. Let me be clear, she did not step away from her marriage, nor did she step away from church or God. She simply stopped playing “the game” that she and her husband had been playing all their lives—the inauthentic, people-pleasing and disconnected existence.

This book will challenge you on many levels. As a pastor’s wife, I remembered feeling the way Geri did—being all things to all people and at the end of the day feel spent and adrift. She takes you on a journey through those unhealthy years and reveals the way God grew her through this dark time that ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Each chapter is based around the 8 unhealthy patterns she sensed God was asking her to quit:

  • Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think
  • Quit Lying
  • Quit Dying to the Wrong Things
  • Quit Denying Anger, Sadness and Fear
  • Quit Blaming
  • Quit Overfunctioning
  • Quit Faulty Thinking
  • Quit Living Someone Else’s Life

I found myself most identifying with the chapter on “Quit Overfunctioning.” That has always been an area where I struggle to find balance and I’m challenged by her insights to reexamine this area of my life and make some necessary changes.

The only sticking point I have with this book is the fact that she quit her church, even though her husband desperately did not want her to. However, I do see how God used that to bring about a “wall” that her husband could not ignore as he had for so many years. Regardless of what you believe about the rightness or wrongness of her choice, I think you’ll find her godly wisdom and authentic struggle to be refreshing, eye-opening and challenging.

So if you’re interested in being entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment* below by Thursday 22, 2013, telling me your thoughts on either of these two questions:

Do you feel it is always wrong to go against your husband’s wishes, even if it brings about a positive and healthy result?

 

What “Quit” from the list above are you most interested in reading and learning about?

 

*Be sure to include your email when you “sign in” to comment through Disqus. (It will only be seen by me.) Otherwise, I won’t be able to reach you if you’re a winner! Ah, but you’re all winners, aren’t you?!

 

And the winner selected by random number generator is … Laurie Collett! Congrats to you, Laurie! I’ll be in touch to work out the details on sending you this insightful book! And thanks to everyone else who shared thoughts and self-disclosed. It was very interesting to read all of your responses!

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Joining with NOBH, Works for Me Wednesday, To Love Honor and Vacuum, Whimsical Wednesday, Essential Fridays and T.G.I.F.

Now, it’s time for Wedded Wednesday!

WW rules:

Write in any way you feel inspired about marriage, parenthood or anything that reflects Christ’s redemption in your life.

  1. Enter in a permalink directly to your blog post and not the main URL to your blog.
  2. Be sure to include a link to Wedded Wednesday or add the WW button (code is in MM’s footer) to your current blog post and/or sidebar.
  3. Visit and comment on at least one other person’s blog that’s linked up here.
  4. Please no offensive or inappropriate content or sexually explicit images!

Optional but encouraged:

  1. Consider setting up your Gravatar profile and Disqus Profile with a link to your blog … it makes it so much easier for all of us to find those of you who blog!
  2. If you have the time, visit those who visit your blog and comment at their place as well … sort of a “Say it forward.”

 

Come join our Wednesday Link-up!

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  • hey girlfriend … i’m rubbing shoulders with you over at WATF tonight!
    ;-}
    no couple is ever going to totally agree on everything. a vibrant marriage will be filled with real conversations where each partner feels totally safe to be themselves and have the freedom to differ on a variety of topics. and while the best marriages seem to be ones where the couple’s values are in tune with each other, that doesn’t mean that they will march in lock step with each other’s opinions.
    i love Scazzaro’s books, and can’t wait to get my hands on this one!

  • bluecottonmemory

    No – I don’t go against my husband’s wishes on important things (excluding dinner menus, hair styles). I might have when I was younger but the longer we have been married, worked out healthy expectations – I think we honor each other – even in the tough things. It’s not perfect. We’re not always on the same page – we still has things out but if the other needed something for wholeness – either of us would give up something so the other could be whole.

  • Nan

    Yes and no. I DO think it’s wrong to go against our husband’s wishes when it’s something that he has felt important enough to communicate that he is against it. And he lets you know that he feels it’s wrong or he doesn’t want you to do it and asks you NOT to do it.

    But there are smaller, unimportant things that our husbands may not like but they don’t have horribly strong feelings about. They may not care for it very much but they are willing to let us do what we want about it, and so they don’t tell us not to do it.. But you know that they have a preference but also know they don’t care if you do something different. For example, maybe a hair style, or an outfit that they aren’t crazy about, or whatever.

    I think that the good that comes out of it, and the positive healthy result that you see is God stepping in and taking the situation and turning it around for your good, your growth and His glory! 🙂 Thanks for hosting today, my friend!

  • Oooo…quit being afraid of what others think, definitely. That’s an ongoing challenge for me. I’m always interested in hearing solid wisdom from others of how they overcame this particular trap. Thanks for another discerning book recommendation, Beth!

  • Pingback: 10 Tips for Staying Connected as a Couple – and Preventing School, Sports and Kids’ Activities from Taking Over Your Life! | Calm.Healthy.Sexy.()

  • We all struggle with the need to stop being inauthentic in life. I feel like that’s my life’s passion these days, to get people to stop putting on the smiley faces and just be real with what’s going on inside themselves. Not just with their families and friends, but with God! Their story sounds like it’s riddled with so much struggle, but I am glad that they didn’t quit church or God. Thanks for sharing Beth! 🙂

  • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

    Hi Beth – I can see how a woman could be in such a bad place in her life (emotionally, spiritually or physically) that she would make that kind of decision, even if her husband opposed it. It isn’t ideal, for sure – I don’t think husbands or wives should be making life-changing decisions independent of their spouse. But some situations are so bad that they call for extreme measures. Gaye

  • Heather Spooner

    I most identify with Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think chapter. Even if I dont win, Im definitely reading this book soon. Thanks, Beth! hsheree2012 at gmail dot com

  • Alecia

    Definitely “quit being afraid of what other’s think.” I’m all about bein’ real but sometimes I still live hesitantly in relationships because care too much about how other’s perceive me.

  • Anna Owens

    I need to quit faulty thinking. That is a huge trap for me. marriedin97@hotmail.com

  • Heather B

    Quit living someone else’s life. I have always done what everyone else had told me to do and be. I have never had a chance to become my own person.

  • I sure could use some wisdom on “quit overfunctioning”- I’m not sure I can define overfunctioning anymore- it’s tough to find a healthy balance with five kids whose needs fill my days. But I’m always up for trying a new strategy!

  • Donna Bragdon

    I’d have to say Quit Living Someone Else’s Life. I struggle with codependency, which I’m working on, and often find myself enmeshed with my spouse’s illness and end up not taking care of myself.

  • Stacie J

    I personally feel that I need to work on all of them!

  • Kim Adams Morgan

    That sounds like a good book. I worry about what other people think, but it’s on the small things. That’s what will get you. On the bigger things I don’t give it a second thought!

  • Over functioning and fear of what others think – that’s one class am signed up for Beth!

    I’d say that if i look long and hard enough, I’ll find opportunities to go against my husband’s expressed wishes in pursuit of a good and positive outcome. In the sense that ultimately we might work it out, and my actions might look justified. But i think that the end doesn’t always justify the means. Good looking results are not necessarily the thing to pursue, as there’s so much more at play!

  • Mary

    Quit being afraid of what others think! That is always in the back of my mind.

  • libertybain

    I’m interested in the Quit denying fear part…I’ve had my eyes opened recently that I live in a constant state of low level anxiety, and have a hard time being vulnerable about it.

  • Teresa R

    Quit being afraid of what others think and Quit denying anger, sadness and fear are the two I would be interested in.

  • soulstops

    Hi Beth,
    Thanks for hosting the link up and the book giveaway… I think it is okay, in certain circumstances to go against what your husband wants…for example, in the OT, Abigail didn’t listen to her foolish husband Nabal (if I recall his name correctly?) and brought food to David and his men, as payment for them protecting her and her husband’s livestock…by doing so, she saved her husband, their staff and her own life…plus, she kept David from sinning and killing innocent people. Geri’s book sounds interesting…I am almost done with her husband’s book and I love it 🙂

  • I think the hardest one for me is “quit living somebody else’s life”. I love my life but sometimes feel like if I was “that person” I would be a better (fill in the blank). I often don’t accept who I am as God made me to be, and in doing so I think I miss out on a lot of things He has made just for me.

  • Tammy B

    Although I need work in so many areas, I need to quit living my mother’s life. She is brilliant (and now new age), and raised me to be a strong, independent career minded woman. You can call me doctor…and I work long hours, put my kids in day care, and am trying to come out of my hole in marriage since I am definately the leader in the family. And now I realize that is not what I want, nor what God wants, for my family. It is so, so hard to change the mindset you have been given all your life.

  • Sue

    No, I don’t believe it’s wrong to make a decision that goes against your husband’s wishes. There have been a few times in my life that it has been necessary and I was assured of God’s call. It’s not easy but sometimes necessary.
    I most relate to Quit Overfunctioning.

  • Christa Goosen

    I feel like I need to have an urgent look at all 8 “quit”‘s… At the moment I’m in a desperate place in my life… I have been faking it and not making it… I try to be everything to everybody else and am tired and overwhelmed and feel like I’m not enough and I can’t go on… I’m failing and I don’t hear God’s voice anymore…

  • Quit faulty thinking!! Especially negative thinking. And sometimes those stinking thoughts come on the hardest when the night is long and sleepless…And sometimes I give in and entertain them for awhile before I remember, again, to take every thought captive!! Can you relate, my like minded friend? 🙂

  • Heather

    I don’t know that I can really pick just one…but if I did, it would be to quit being afraid of what others think. I was abused as a child, and wrestle daily with insecurities that come from feeling unworthy in everything and trying to please everyone. I struggle every day to push those insecurities out of my mind and remember that I am a Daughter of The King. I would love to have this book!

  • Laurie Collett

    Sounds like a fascinating read! Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
    Laurie
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/

  • Becky Grant

    Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think… I am pretty obsessed with others opinions of me.

  • Chae Li Yong

    Overfunctioning sounded like a chapter I need. Years ago I heard wives were to submit to their husbands while husbands submit to the Lord. Someone explained to me they only had to follow their husbands as well as he followed God. That made sense to me THEN. Now, I’ve grown in my walk. No one can follow God perfectly so the latter reasoning was false. I still believe there are times wives MUST go against their husbands. Are they expecting/doing something that could destroy your family but they’re blind to it? Drinking in excess, abusing your child, cheating on their taxes, counseling a grieving female friend, disregarding normal safety nets b/c they are “men of God.” Only God will know if your heart and mind have pure intent when you make that stand.

  • Lisa Raub

    I must say it sounds interesting, but I must agree with you, Beth – the wife shouldn’t go against her husband’s wishes unless he’s asking her to sin. Quitting church? I hope that doesn’t mean just not attending altogether. Sounds like a Hebrews 10:25 moment.

    Thanks for hosting, Beth! You always have interesting and helpful things to say!

  • Ceil

    Hi Beth! This is so funny, because I put up a post today about overburdening. Take a look! See what you think. I am the same way, I am trying to step WAY back and see what God wants, not just how many times I can say ‘yes’.

    Good to see you!
    Ceil

  • Thanks for posting this. I read Emotional Healthy Spirituality in January. I need to add this one to my list for next year.