Facebook Affairs

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You may or may not agree, but I think that Facebook has become a national pastime. Move over baseball and Reality TV, FB is taking up more and more of our time. But even more alarming is the fact that… 

Facebook is becoming a prime hook-up spot for the emotionally restless.
After all, one of the main benefits of FB is that it provides a perfect setting to create a false façade of how great your life is.
You know the drill. You run out to Glamour Shots and upload your most attractive or seductive pose for all the FB world to see. You only post pictures of all the great times you’re having. Your status only includes funny, clever or thought-provoking statements that you just might steal from your clever, witty and super smart friends. You post your location status when you’re at the most fun and exciting spots. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a status revealing that you’re at your kitchen sink doing the dishes or in your laundry room sorting through dirty underwear and socks.
Then you add fuel to the fire by becoming “friends” with that old flame you never really got over from high school. Oh, and by the way, he’s divorced now and “likes” your latest status, “I just love Bon Jovi’s song, Runaway.” And all of a sudden you remember that your first kiss was while this song was playing, and oh yeah, he was the one you found your virgin lips locking with! Cue the big hair and electric guitar screeching in the corners of your mind.
Suddenly you feel 20 years younger and those old tingly feelings you felt during the acne years have made an abrupt and romantic resurgence—too bad those tingly feelings aren’t coming from your spouse!
Okay, okay, I’m making fun of this and it’s really not a laughing matter. But when we break it down like this we see the foolishness of it—the immaturity of it—we also see the deception that fuels our misguided feelings.
I’m not going to go so far as to say that FB creates or seduces a person into having an affair. But I do think it creates an environment that makes it easier for a person (who is already buying a whole host of lies about themselves, their marriage, how to achieve their desires and who can fulfill them) to fall prey to its charms and illusion.

So what does all of this mean for you and me?
  • I think we need to recognize the lies and illusion that FB often spins.
  • I think we also need to be careful about who we “friend” on FB and always ask our spouse about any that are especially questionable.
  • I think we need to be honest with our spouses about all of our activities on FB.
  • I also think we need to be careful about what we post or put out there on FB.
Let this be a litmus test – would you want your spouse to see everything you are saying or doing on FB? Would you want God to see it? 
Today I’m joining the blog hop over at No Ordinary Blog Hop

Photo by – IvanWalsh.com (Flickr

  • Lisa Maria

    Hi Beth

    This was a very thought-provoking piece…especially that last part ‘would you want your spouse to see everything you are saying or doing on FB? Would you want God to see it?’ That ought to hit some of us really hard.

    I joined Facebook a couple of years ago to get in touch with some old school friends for a reunion we were planning. I quickly found that I wasn’t comfortable with the place. I didn’t like the feeling of being pressured to post my every status (which I didn’t btw) or keep up to date on what everyone else was doing constantly. I actually found myself irritated by grown women who had nothing better to do than play Farmville (?) and the constant feed I kept getting. I just stopped going on to the site (Facebook isn’t very happy with me judging from the amount of messages I get about coming back)

    For the time I was there though, I could see how easy it is to be tempted to search up old flames and the like. Thanks for speaking out truth and I pray and hope that if any of our friends out there are even tempted this way, they’ll be convicted by this piece.

    God Bless!

  • messymarriage

    Thanks, Lisa Maria! I can totally relate to your concerns about FB. But before I sound like a hypocrite, I have to say that I am on FB. I use it mostly as an avenue to get the word out about my blogs. But it has opened my eyes to the many ways people can easily get involved affairs.

    So, I’m praying right along with you that this might open the eyes of those who still do not realize the dangers that are involved in FB. It has to be entered into with limits, boundaries and integrity or it can strangle you like a Boa Constrictor!

  • BigD

    I can’t say that FB was where our troubles began, but I can say that, in a Messy Marriage, FB certainly was the match that started the bonfire of trouble.
    The worst part, for me, was I feel guilty for bringing it into our home. (I got on it so I could learn about the platform for work.)
    I agree with Lisa Maria’s comments–it seems like it sucks up so much productive time with unproductive output!

  • oh wow — isn’t this the truth? Thanks for putting it like it really is!

  • Beth, this is such wise, and important advice. I know when we blog – we really strive hard for authenticity, and transparency, and truthfulness – because we owe it to the people who read us. Blogging is making me more honest about things. Facebook, when used the way you talk about, is all about illusion, and fantasy, and Our Lord Is not about illusion or fantasy – and I guess then, neither should we be. In this broken world, everything that’s good, has within it, seeds of wrong. Really good advice Beth – really good. And brave to write about it too. God bless you Beth – and God bless and keep each and every one of yours this day.

  • Lori_KeepingItSimple

    I keep dipping my toe in the shallow (so to speak) of FB. Every time I come close jumping in the deep end something happens to make me back away. I have ventured into leaving comments a few times (like happy birthday or congrats), but have yet to post anything myself. I am just not sure what the benefit to all of it is. It does seem like it might be a temptation better avoided. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • dee

    My husband and I have been married for nearly 35 years and the online world has nearly torn my family to shreds. He started chatting in a “Christian Online Book Group” for eight years and then moved to facebook. That book club was actually a lot of personal sharing, including addresses, phone numbers and private emails. I found out he was having phone sex with one of them and exchanging secret letters with at least three more. He refers to these women as his sisters and friends. They profess to be believers, yet they believe that they are intitled to secret/private communication with my husband. It feels like the world has gone nuts. None of them actually know him in real life.