Feeling like a victim in a hopeless marriage? SJT Video

Run to the Lord

Sometimes a common dynamic or mindset develops when a marriage has been in crisis for a extended period of time. Click on the video below to find out what that mindset is in Beth’s latest “Sloppy Joe Time”“Why won’t ‘you’ change?”

 

What have been some of the lies you’ve embraced when you’ve felt hopeless and trapped in your marriage?

 

What were the truths that you came to embrace that replaced the lies?

 

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If you’d like to view the video at Messy Marriage’s Youtube channel or view some of the other Sloppy Joe Time videos, click here. And I’d love it if you’d subscribe to the channel while you’re there!


 

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Faith and Friends, Making Your Home SingMondays @ Soul Survival,  Sunday Stillness,  Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays and  Playdates with God

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  • Beth…I agree that if both spouses took to looking at their own heart more closely and not at trying to change their spouse’s heart, a marriage would have a better foundation to stand on. Thank you for the encouragement. Visiting from The Weekend Brew.

    • Thanks for coming by, Naomi. I appreciate your encouragement, my friend!

  • Mary

    I absolutely love your “sloppy joe time” videos especially the captions! 🙂 It’s amazing to me how much you can teach in 3 minutes. I truly understand the victim mentality and embraced that at times in my own marriage. I think this then turned into an attitude of superiority as my marriage was disintegrating-I had it all together and he didn’t. It doesn’t take much to have distorted views and to let those control instead of the truth. I love seeing you at The Weekend Brew. Hope you have a great week! Hugs!!!

    • Right, Mary! Who knew that funny captions could really drive the point home! I’m certainly glad that they add a little more running commentary on the subject because it is hard to keep these brief and yet full of important content. And as far as feeling like a victim in marriage, it’s an easy slide if you stay in a frustrating situation for long. I haven’t yet met a person who didn’t give in to this “stinking thinking!” Of course, that’s with the exception of Christ! More of Him, that’s what we need! Thanks so much for encouraging me, my friend!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Fisrt…I want to thank you for posting for me last week. I’m still having connectivity issues with the new ISP. Dialup was SO much better!

    Excellent post. I find that in my marriage my wife has withdrawn…and the feeling is, well, she has her new Smart Phone, she’s got her friends, she doesn’t really need to spend time with me.

    This may be true, or it may not be, but that’s not relevant. What is important is that I step aside from the “she is treating me this way!” paradigm, and control my own heart.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/03/marriage-play-date.html

    • You are welcome, Andrew! If you need it again this week, just let me know. It’s not a problem at all.

      Thanks for encouraging me and I’m sorry that you have had to live in such a bleak marriage for so long, my friend. I know that not all the pain you experience is from your illness. And you bring up a good point . . . so many people are detaching through their phone or other often good pursuits but that also rob our marriages of love and vitality if not kept in check. I’m glad you’ve been so good to keep your heart filled with God’s love and forgiveness no matter what your spouse’s behavior is. Without that, you’d be a basket-case, I’m sure! Prayers still being lifted up on your behalf!

  • EXCELLENT message, my dear. Thanks for such experiential words of wisdom. And feeling like a victim and giving away one’s power is something we all need to guard against for whether the passive or aggressive spouse, both can deal with too much looking inward. Great job on the video. And you look absolutely gorgeous. Radiant!! Lots of green juice over the winter??? Sharing!! Love and hugs…

    • Yes, you bring up a good point, Sheila. Often the abuser in the relationship feels just as much of a victim as the one being abused. It’s not all black and white in the muddy waters of marriage. Thanks so much for your sweet words, my friend–and for the Twitter love too! Love and hugs right back at ya!

  • bluecottonmemory

    After about 10 years into our marriage, I realized that when I was upset, I needed to 1) pray that God would open both our eyes to the truth of the situation and change hearts where needed. Most of the time, I realized I needed to make changes – that 90 percent was my issue and 10 percent his. If his heart needed changing, it did – in God’s time. Like you said, when you seek God in it, are honest with yourself – there’s not a whole lot more you can do. – and, yes, you DO look great in your vlog! You sound great, too! Shalom, friend!
    ~Maryleigh

  • Our marriage improved greatly when I learned to stop being in control, curb my anger and give all my problems to God.
    Blessings,
    Janis