Finding Healing for Your Wounds And Linkup

Badge of Honor

Today I’m continuing the series on the wounds of our past by focusing on how to bring healing to those wounds through a new spiritual and relational focus. This means delving a bit deeper into what must be done in tandem with any ongoing prayer/processing of wounds (that I’ve shared in past posts).

I believe we need to adopt and integrate some very important beliefs and follow certain steps moving forward, if we are to find deeper and more lasting healing. These are beliefs and steps that I have taken and continue to take. Walking this path has brought me healing that I hope you experience as well.

Taking the healing path …

1. Accept that you are human, flawed and wounded.
Stop for a moment and really consider this. You might feel as if you already accept that you are human. But if you struggle with a sense of shame, guilt, or run relentlessly toward perfectionism, then you have not fully accepted your humanity or wounds. You may even be steeped in denial … And this will only prove to hinder your healing.

One of my favorite verses is James 3:2a “We all stumble in many ways …” because it reminds me of this unchangeable reality. When I woke up to this fact many years ago, it brought such a freedom to my life and marriage. It helped me to learn to drop my guard and be authentic with my husband. That’s when true intimacy and connection could begin.

2. Use your wounds to love and comfort others better.
This is so powerful, people! 🙂

Consider the apostle Paul’s words …

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4

You and I would not know how to comfort others if we did not experience similar struggles. I have so much more empathy and compassion for others, including and especially my husband, because of my own wounds. #priceless

That’s because there is true healing and blessed bonding that takes place when we do!

3. Rest in the truth that Christ knows how it feels to be wounded too.
We cannot feel bad about our wounds when we realize that our Savior and Lord was wounded for our sakes.

“He was wounded because of our rebellious deeds, crushed because of our sins; he endured punishment that made us well; because of his wounds we have been healed.” ~Isaiah 53:5 (NET)

He knows how it feels to be wounded and even carried His wounds into eternity, because they are a badge of honor that reminds us and Him of His beautiful redemption and victory over death!

4. Allow Christ to bring healing to your wounds.
This means coming to Him with your brokenness like a child bringing a broken toy to his/her daddy. Lay your broken heart at His feet and let Him comfort and care for you. Then don’t grab your brokenness back. Instead, each day and every moment that you struggle, remind yourself, …

Don’t forget … once you surrender your wounds to Christ, He will transform them into a badge of honor for you as well. #beautifulredemption

 

What wound or human frailty have you struggled to accept in yourself?

 

What would wearing your wounds as a “badge of honor” look like in your life?

 

FYI – Next week, I plan to provide a tool that you can use with your mate to increase empathy and connection. You won’t want to miss that important and final post in our wounds of the past series!


Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, Coffee for Your Heart, Sitting Among Friends, DanceWithJesusFriday and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Join our Wedded Wednesday Linkup!
Add any links that are uplifting, helpful and encouraging to our spiritual lives, marriages and families! Be sure to add a link on your blog back to Wedded Wednesday or Messy Marriage as well. For Wedded Wednesday guidelines and buttons, click here.

Messy Marriage

  • 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 is a favorite passage … how gracious of God to allow us the ministry of comforting others because He’s redeemed our own sorrow. By His wounds we’ve been healed and freed up to minister His grace to other broken souls … thanks for sharing these beautiful words, friend …

    • Linda, this is such a great application of this Scripture! Anything that God brings us through becomes resume material for working in His kingdom! Wounds become valuable experience that can be turned outward — if we’ll let Him do that for us!

    • That is one of my favorites too, Linda. And it is a giant-sized task that the Lord has honored us with, but always with His awesome power to bring healing as well! Thanks so much to you, my friend, for stopping by and encouraging me!

  • Deborah Will

    Love using our wounds to minister to others. Great post.

    • Yes, that’s truly an honor we don’t deserve, but gladly take up–being blessed as much or more than the receiver of that grace and comfort, Deborah! Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation, my friend!

  • GailBP

    Such good stuff here, Beth. I have seen some of these principles in my own sorrows but I like hearing them in a fresh way. Bless you, friend.
    Gail

    • Thank you, Gail! Your encouragement in particular means so much to me. You are quite the insightful Bible teacher so it’s high praise in my view. Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation, dear friend!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Great post, Beth. I particularly like the part about perfectionism being a barrier to healing.

    As I am writing this, things have really become a Big Nasty in terms of physical pain…it’s distracting to the point where writing, the focus, I mean, is getting hard.

    I think it’s made me more compassionate toward others, but perhaps less so toward myself, because I ‘know where this ends’. To get anything done, I have to flog an unwilling and faltering body forward, and tell my soul to pipe down…’you can rest when you’re dead’.

    It’s not something I would do to someone else under most circumstances (but yes, there are circumstances where I would…generally not in the civilian sphere, though).

    I think that the reason may be that having to become intimately aware of the situation, I know that I have a physical reserve that is deeper than my ’emotional’ one; that rest and self-care are a preference, and not a necessity, when the body can still go on.

    And yes, I know that I have become the centurion described by Tacitus and used as a bad example by C.S. Lewis…”all the more relentless because he had endured it himself.”

    Perhaps for that reason, that failing, I don’t really see these wounds as any kind of honour. They’re merely something horrible that’s happening, and which I have to try to whatever kind of good I can. I’d be tempted to say I don’t WANT this…but it’s the requirement of the ministry to which I’m called, and I accept the necessity, without resentment.

    Sorry for the length of the comment, and I hope it’s coherent. I’m in bad shape (and sorry I was not up to commenting Monday).

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/03/a-life-in-year-story-of-viet-nam.html

    • You know, I know that you support me, Andrew, whether you show up to comment or not. I’m grateful that you feel the strength to do so today and I continue to pray that you beat that flu bug and continue to beat the disease that has held you captive. Yes, perfectionism can be a subtle task-master that keeps us chained to an illusion of who we think we need to be. But embracing our humanity and flaws is so much more meaningful–especially in the context of helping others and growing close to them and our Lord. Hugs and prayers being sent your way, dear friend!

  • pioneerpat1

    I think that being too nice and egoless is a barrier to my healing.

    I try to believe in treating my fellow man as I want to be treated and in today’s world that doesn’t work. At work, I am the one who is getting the short end of the stick. It is amazing how people who are suppose to be educated are a bunch of low down dirty schemers. I choose not to get down in the dirt with them and end up usually getting screwed. Also, I try not to have an ego. I just do my job, I have had co-workers take my research and lessons and pass it off as their own. I do believe in sharing and being a team player but in today’s environment, that is a huge weakness.

    The reason these are barriers to my healing is that after I find out about the dirty dealings, I get mad mostly at myself for letting it happen. Then I get depressed and isolate myself from others. Not a good cycle.

    • You’re right, Patrick, that is not a good cycle and it’s no wonder you’re depressed about it. I would suggest reading a great book, Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It’s one that really opened my eyes to the many ways I was letting “unsafe” people run over me. Now I try to find that middle ground with boundaries that not only protect me but protect my relationships. Letting the abuse continue is not good for anyone. Hope you find that middle ground too, my friend!

  • Hey Beth!

    Thanks so much for hosting this amazing party! I’m looking forward to reading what others are up to.

    Have a great week!
    Tififney

    • Thanks for stopping by and linking up, Tiffiney. I loved your post and it’s great to have quality links in the linkup!

  • Bev @ Walking Well With God

    Beth,
    These are all great points! It does help to remember that we ALL stumble. I do believe that my wounds have made me a much more compassionate person. Also when we accept people with their wounds and all, we are offering the best outpouring of the greatest command…to Love God and love others like we love ourselves. I have learned, too, that I am able to build stronger, deeper relationships when I am able to share and be vulnerable.
    Beautiful post…
    Blessings,
    Bev

    • That’s so true, Bev. It truly does enable us to love in amazing ways. And you bring up a great point, it does improve relationships. When we reach out to show compassion and empathy to others who are wounded, we definitely deepen that relationship. In fact, that’s where I’m going with my next post in this series–offering a tool that helps couples, in particular, to develop greater empathy and connection. Thanks for joining the conversation, my friend!

  • Beth,
    I have SO enjoyed this series…you mean next week wraps it up?! 🙁
    (But I’m sure you’ll still have lots more wonderful stuff for us…) #2 IS truly powerful…and it never gets old; just love when people respond that sharing my struggles have somehow helped them…
    Really appreciate you hosting this party, friend! I learn so much from your well-written wisdom 😉

    • I do hope that what follows this series up is wonderful too, Pat! 😉 Yes, I agree, comforting people in their hurts with the comfort we’ve received in our hurts is such a privilege. I’m so glad that God commissions us to do do that for one another. It’s a blessing doubled! Thanks for your encouragement, sweet friend! Always glad to see you in the comments.

  • Mary

    Your four items to lead to healing speak such truth. # 2 is one that really speaks to me because of when we think beyond ourselves and use our own wounds to lead someone else on the same path, healing occurs more readily in ourselves. I also know that in order to embrace #2, we have to be willing to be vulnerable with others. This is an area that God is working on in me. This series has led me to some deeper thinking and time to understand my own wounds and where I am in the process of healing in my own life. Thank you for leading us all along the path to healing.

    • You are so right, Mary. Vulnerability about our wounds is so essential to that connection with others. I can see you growing in that area, my friend. I love your vulnerable posts at your place. It’s obvious that you have a huge heart! I’m so glad it has gotten you to thinking more deeply about your wounds and given you opportunities to find God’s healing. I’m on that healing path as well, my friend! It’s good to walk together down that road. 🙂

  • Susan

    Love the linkup opportunity. Always good words here on Messy Marriage – had the opportunity to experience a little bit of the mess this morning. LOL!!!

    • Thank you, Susan. It’s always good to have you in the comments and the linkup line up. I love offering great posts to folks! Also glad, I think, that you experienced a little bit of mess. Maybe that means you were able to help someone in their hurting. You go, girl! 😉

  • Beth, I love how you applied James 3:2. When we accept our flaws we are free to love others in their flawed condition too, and we aren’t so self-absorbed trying to hide ourselves and pretend. Our weaknesses give us compassion for others in their weak areas. I used to really get ticked off at how my husband runs late. At the same time, I was in awe of his sense of direction. When we moved to Southern California, he could take one freeway to a destination and return by a different one. I get lost in an elevator. One day I realized just like I don’t have navigational strengths, he lacks a good sense of how much time it takes to do something. It helped me be less frustrated with his lateness. Great points today!

    • You describe a really great example of this healthy way of thinking, Debbie. We need to be more aware of our own frailties and wounds so that we can not just have compassion for other’s hurts but also extend grace when they hurt us! Thanks for stirring the conversation in a new and thought-provoking direction, my friend!

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  • I completely agree with you Beth. People who THINK they are perfect have a hard time loving and forgiving…
    This series is a blessing in ways you may not understand. Many thanks for letting God lead you. God bless you!

    • That’s so true, Ugochi! But when those walls and barriers come down, they can see themselves and us more clearly. Thanks for being that kind of person, my friend! You are authentic and gracious. I can tell that from your blog and sweet heart here in this space. Hugs to you!

  • Dear Beth

    I don’t know about “wound”. That sounds like the result of an event that might happened to me once: some one or something inflicted a wound on me. I’m comfortable thinking of sin as a result of weakness or confusion. On the other hand I like “wound” because you are kind to a wound. You are kind to it and help it get better. A wound hurts. I can’t think of my frailties as anything like Jesus’ suffering.

    #1 I do a lot, and it helps me keep going. I’m also quite good at doing it for others: giving people the benefit of the doubt, giving them a second chance.

    #2 I only recently started doing this, and it is good! I would often curse our son (inwardly) — why can’t he be more together, he shouldn’t be so surly with his mother — but then I caught myself thinking the same things about myself. Now working on my own frailties in a sympathetic way is helping me be more sympathetic with him.

    #3 This I don’t understand. How can I compare what He went through with my nonsense? Unless it’s something like that just as He had to suffer, and He transformed his suffering, I have to suffer (from sin) and I can transform this suffering (into what? A more human — more Christlike — approach to other people?)

    #4 I can definitely see the good in doing this. It would be very difficult though (for me). The worst bits I just want to hide it all away. Weirdly, I’ve imagined doing this and even imagining it I get emotional. Something to work on. Maybe I could practice by taking other broken toys first (“I snapped at my wife; I read my storybook when I should have been bringing in wood; …”).

    > What would wearing your wounds as a “badge of honor” look like in your life?

    I don’t think that would be a good idea. Can’t I just heal the wound so it goes away?

    • I’m glad to know that you are doing #1 and are delving into #2, David. Sounds like a great endeavor with your son–to turn those interactions into grace-filled moments. I’m certain that will bring much healing to wounds your son may have. And yes, the need to extend grace to ourselves is often the precursor to extending grace to others. But we cannot fully extend grace to ourselves without the Source of grace in Christ. So look to Him to enable you to extend it to yourself and others.

      I think there’s a bit of confusion on the word, “wound.” I’m not talking about “our sins” causing these wounds per se. I’m talking about the wounds we receive in life due to the sins of others against us. And I agree. In a sense, you and I cannot compare our wounds to those that Jesus experienced. They don’t compare at all. But they do help us to relate to the pain and injustice that Jesus experienced in a much deeper and more profound way. It also reminds us that He suffered in all the ways we suffer and more–giving us a better assurance that He can comfort us and minister in our hurts. I find great comfort in this reality. That Christ understands the struggle and pain. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” ~Hebrews 4:15

      And again, it is “Christ in you” that does the transforming of the hurt you’ve experienced into a more Christ-like and compassionate approach to others.

      As far as #4 – I think that’s a great idea. If it is too hard to take all the broken parts of yourself to Christ, then begin with what is easier to take to Him. And bit by bit, it will become more compelling and flow more easily from your heart to His.

      “Wearing your wound as a badge of honor” for me is like being grateful for the refinement and redemption God has done through the messes I’ve made in my marriage. I am not ashamed to share that I’ve failed Him through those sins and I want to wave the banner for how to avoid the same mistakes my husband and I made. I’m also eager to embrace my brokenness because it was at my point of need that God poured His healing and forgiveness into my heart. What could be better than that? (See 2 Cor. 12:9).

      Thanks so much for asking very thought-provoking questions and processing this out more here, David! Always great to have you in the comments. Sorry it took so long to respond. I’ve been a bit more busy lately!

  • I am so late in linking up here, Beth! I have been resting from a little speaking tour and working on report cards. But here I am! I have got to share this…you talk about a badge of honor…well, I need people to know and understand just how true this is. I have come to the amazing realization of this truth recently – I already knew it, but it hadn’t connected heart and mind. 12 years ago, as I was rocking my infant son in the wee hours, my mind kept going back to the horrible memories of childhood sexual abuse. I wept and begged God to erase those memories. I asked many times that night. When my heart quieted, I sensed Him saying to me, “Aimee, if I erased your memories, you wouldn’t have a story to tell that would bring glory to My name.” In that moment, I resolved that if one person could be helped through my story, then I could handle the memories with the help of Jesus. Little did I know then what that all meant.
    I have been sharing my story on my blog – sometimes it isn’t the same as sharing in person since you don’t get the same feedback. So, maybe that’s why the connection wasn’t made until the last few weeks. I have shared my story publicly, as a speaker, 4 times in the last month. And I can honestly say this: I feel such amazing JOY when I share my story. This is ONLY because of God. Only God could do something that amazing! Turn something so dark like childhood sexual abuse and turn it into a source of joy. It makes no sense, does it? But it is the truth. When I see women starting to feel Hope. When they begin to experience freedom. There are no words. No words at all.
    So, yes, He can make ANYTHING into a badge of honor. His healing work does that.

    • Yes, that’s so true, Aimee. I’m so glad that you are using your painful scars and wounds to speak into this as a ministry to others. I’m so grateful for brave women like yourself who can go back toward that painful reality in an effort to help others find healing and redemption from the Lord. You always inspire me, my friend! Thanks so much for telling me your story here in this space. 🙂

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