Get Past Awkwardness of Praying with Your Spouse And Linkup

My husband and I have found that praying together is one of the most important things we do for our marriage. I’m not talking about praying at the dinner table or side-by-side at church or other church-related gatherings.

Those are all good things  . . .

But I want to challenge you today to get out of your comfort zone by praying with your spouse at the start of each day.

praying as couple

When my spouse and I began this habit six years ago (yep, we didn’t pray together for 23 years out of our almost 30 year marriage!), it felt a bit awkward and maybe even forced. But over time it became our rhythm . . . our spiritual dance, if you will, that has kept us more in step with each and with God than ever before.

Why praying together is beneficial . . .

1. Creates a bond and intimacy.
I mentioned this earlier, but it bears repeating. If your marriage is growing cold, mundane or distant, this will certainly rev your hearts up for each other and for the Lord.

2. Helps to prevent conflict.
I’m not saying this will keep every argument at bay, but it really has changed the climate of my messy marriage—lessening those messes—because it refocuses our eyes on God all the while uniting us at the start of each day.

[Tweet “Praying as a couple may help prevent arguments! Just try it. What do you have to lose?”]

3. Invites God into your marriage.
I’m sure that many of you have your own time dedicated to God each day. That’s great for you, but there’s just something that I believe God loves and blesses when we come together with our spouses in His name.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” ~Matthew 18:20

Now on to a few cautions . . .

1. Don’t pressure a spouse who isn’t spiritually ready or open to pray with you.
This is especially true if your mate is an unbeliever. Instead, pray for your unbelieving or spiritually hesitant spouse daily, but never try to push “praying together” on him or her. It will only create resistance and resentment where you certainly do not want it.

2. Don’t expect immediate results.
Consistency and commitment to this practice will bear great fruit in time. But like any fruit bearing tree, it takes time.

3. Don’t get frustrated if you’re the one who always seems to initiate.
If your spouse was willing to do this from the start but is not as mindful of the habit, accept that this might just be “your” role. After all, it is a worthy role and calling—to be the initiator of prayer in your marriage! As long as your mate seems willing, then leave well enough alone!

3 easy steps for praying together . . .

1. Agree on a time together.
My husband and I always like starting our day this way, but if your job(s) won’t allow for this, then choose another optimum time. If your spouse travels out of town a lot, consider using Skype, Facetime or simply calling each other at an agreed upon time.

2. Hold hands.
You might feel like this is too awkward and intimate for your first time out, but I’d say fight that hesitancy. Praying together must feel like a joint effort—like dancing—and holding hands aids in that pursuit. If your mate balks at this, then respect his or her wishes, but at least suggest it at the outset.

3. Each spouse should pray a simple sentence or two.
Don’t feel the need to pray “around the world and back” or in a way that comes across as “super-spiritual”—especially as you begin this practice. Your mate may feel intimidated by how well you pray or simply won’t want to spend that much time in prayer when s/he is in a hurry to head to work. Just remember to always leave your spouse feeling encouraged and respected.

Here’s an example of what I pray each day, “Father, help us to make time for You and let that influence our hearts—living out Your truths in key moments today.”

Get the idea? I hope so!

[Tweet “Praying together as a couple is one of the most important things we can do for our marriages.”]

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What is one reason you haven’t made praying with your spouse a priority and habit?


If you do pray daily with your mate, what positives have you seen God produce out of it?


Here are some lovely linkups I joinChristian Blogger Community, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Testimony Tuesday, Coffee and Conversation, Coffee for Your Heart, Sitting Among Friends, Moments of Hope, Literary Musing Mondays, Fresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday

Let’s Get this ‘From Messes to Messages’ Linkup Started!
Add any links that are uplifting, helpful and encouraging to our spiritual lives, marriages and families! Be sure to add a link on your blog back to “From Messes to Messages” or Messy Marriage as well. For linkup guidelines/button, click here.

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  • Mary

    This is such a beautiful testimony to your marriage. I am blessed you share this with all of us. The image of prayer as a dance with its own rhythm is such a vivid description of the intimacy of joining in prayer and inviting God into the center. Thank you for this beauty this evening!

  • Shelly

    I’m sending this to my husband. 🙂 Thanks for sharing about not praying together for the first 30 years of your marriage. When my husband and I were dating, we prayed together – and then life happened. We talk about praying together but it almost seems like its too late to start. Even though we pray separately, I know we need to pray together. Thank you for the transparency.

  • Thank you Beth. You tackle such topics that may easily be overlooked.
    Praying together is important. Thank you for the ideas you have shared.
    Many Blessings to you

  • pioneerpat1

    I love the pic and the saying behind it. Very nice. Thanks for sharing.

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Great post, Beth, and it’s something that’s very, very important.

    One additional suggestion I’d make is not to use either canned prayers or KJV language (unless you speak Olde English at home). Make it a colloquial conversation with the Almighty.

    Not being on the same wavelength spiritually can be a huge problem, and it is for me. My wife’s a huge fan of Robert Schuller, and my faith is very Third-World in temporal expectations. Makes it kind of tough.

  • Bev @ Walking Well With God

    As you know this is my second go-round in marriage. What a difference praying together makes!! I feel so blessed that i have a husband who will lead in the area of prayer and is the spiritual head of our now, two person home. I know what it’s like to not have this and so I never take it for granted. If you have a good man who prays…thank him and let him know he’s loved and appreciated.

  • Susan

    It’s like anything else, Beth – it takes time for seasoning! A fine wine takes days and years (sometimes) to become its best flavor. So does praying with your spouse. My hubs and I allow one another to “butt” in and add something relative – our prayers are a dance!!! Sometimes a lively polka!!!! Sometimes a slow and gentle waltz. Great post…again.

  • I recently forced my husband to let me pray over him as we pulled into the driveway and shut the car off after dropping our kids off at school. In pain for days, but a quiet faith kind of guy, I knew it was my job in that moment to just pray on him without asking. It’s the most powerful medicine. Happy Wednesday!

  • Yes, prayer together opens our hearts to God at the same time, in the same place. So important — and, THEREFORE, so very hard to do.

  • Beth, why is it so hard to be consistent in the things that bring us together? I’m a night person, my husband’s a morning person. The time of day we pray affects who says the most! I love it when we do pray together. I’m also thankful to know he prays for me. I love hearing how you are making it work.

  • Ryan and I pray before bedtime together. We just started doing this about a year ago maybe. For us sometimes it is full of thank you’s and asking God to watch over us. It is easy to fall into a rut of the general prayer. Because getting serious with prayer can really reveal what is going on in life and what is on your heart and mind. Thank you for the reminder to be authentic and true in prayer rather than just checking it off the list!

  • Amy Jung

    I love the encouragement I receive here each week for my marriage…

  • hubs and I were so good about this when we were newlyweds, we need to get back on track! thanks for the encouragement.

  • Brandi Raae

    Thanks for linking up with Literacy Musing Mondays! It is sad that praying with a spouse can be awkward. I keep that ball in my husband’s court – he and I prayed together for a while, but even though my husband is a strong Christian, he doesn’t seem to want to pray together for whatever reason. But, I’m not going to bug him about it.

    • Brandi, many of us guys feel awkward praying with our wives because we have to get out of that comfort zone and SHARE the deepest parts of ourselves. I even wrote my own blog post about this very topic several years ago, but it STILL feels somewhat awkward to me. I can’t explain it… I just have to grit my teeth and press on to make it happen. Encourage your husband gently, and perhaps he’ll change his mind.

      • Brandi Raae

        Thanks for your reply. Yes, it’s definitely a comfort zone thing. 🙂

  • It’s not too late to start, is it …

  • Thank you for adding your voice to this topic, Beth! We men like to bottle up our emotions and not share them much – even to the point of shutting out the wife who should know us better than anyone (except God). But it’s up to US to step out of our comfortableness and truly become ONE with our wives – by sharing those things that are hidden. Men, if you’re reading this… praying with your wife is the best possible way to create REAL intimacy within your marriage. Go and do likewise. 😉

  • I think praying together as husband and wife is so important. It really helps to knit us together. Thanks for this, amy

  • Beth, great suggestions and very wise cautions! It’s so easy to push too hard in this area! My husband and I do pray together. In our case, we don’t do it at a set time (although I definitely see the wisdom in that), our prayers together are more the spontaneous kind: someone sends a text asking for prayer for example, so we stop and pray or we might be talking about something and say, “we should pray about that.” Thanks for hosting this week. Have a great week end.

  • The benefits of praying together are so worth it Beth. My husband and I don’t have a regular time, but we do pray together and it has always yielding great results. Thanks a lot for sharing with us.
    I like that you shared these cautions and suggestions too, so we do not pressure our spouse.
    Do have a super blessed day!

  • I love your tips! My husband grew up Catholic with unbelieving parents. There was no prayer in their house. It is awkward for him, but I like your idea of short prayers. Thanks!