Have a ‘sticky’ marriage? And Linkup!

God's Glue Prov. 1824

There are two aspects of marriage that I believe “glue us” to our spouses. When one or both are absent or lacking, you can expect that your marriage and feelings of love will suffer as well.

What is that special combo? Any guesses?

 

Married Sex and a Spiritual Foundation

 

1. Married Sex*

God is such a thorough and gracious Creator. He not only uses sex to create children—who can bring us together as a family—but also created our bodies to secrete hormones that bond us when we make love or feel the affectionate touch of our mates.

Hormones such as: Norepinephrine, Noradrenaline, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Testosterone {found in both men and women}, and Phenylethymine {or “PEA” for short} provide the feeling of being bonded or “glued” to our partners. In fact, “PEA” is released whenever any of our loved ones touch us and occurs even when we see a photo of those we love.

Who knows, …

2. Spiritual Foundation

I, for one, do not believe that just any spiritual foundation will do here! Our marriages must be built upon and sustained by Christ. He should be the Center of everything we do and the One who fills us up so we can truly love our mates {See my page “Know God” to learn more}.

When we connect with our mates spiritually, we experience another “glue” that is extra special—the bonding of the Holy Spirit {See Mark 10:7-9 and Eph. 5:31}. The amazing part about the Holy Spirit’s marital bonding is that He never leaves us nor stops working {John 5:17 and 14:16}—unlike our hormones that must be re-released continually!

Of course, we can resist the Holy Spirit’s work and feel distant from God and our spouses. But that does not mean our Comforter and Counselor has left us empty-handed, weak and ineffective …

We must simply ‘allow’ Him to apply His sticky “glue” to our marriages! 

 

BTW, a few weeks ago I shared a post, But what do you ‘feel’ about it? that includes another type of “PEA”—a daily spiritual and emotional connection exercise. Click here to find a “printable” to serve as a reminder to “PEA” with your spouse!

Consider adding this practice to your “couple routines or rituals.” And “lookie” here – adding sex to the mix gives you an “S” that turns “PEA” into “PEAS!” 🙂  Since these are God’s sticky blessings to and for us, you might just want to call them your “Sweet PEAS.” {Get it? “Sweet” … “Sticky!” 😉 }

 

What  favorite affectionate gesture do you like to receive from your mate?

{Keep it clean! This is a “G” rated blog! Lol!}

 

What is one or two spiritual practices that bring you closer to your spouse?

 

What challenges or hindrances do you face in these two “sticky” areas of your marriage?

 

Here’s a link to a yummy and super easy Christmas breakfast favorite – Sticky Buns so that you and your “Honey Bun” can get even stickier! Enjoy!

BTW, I will not be blog hopping much this Wednesday. I’m feeling a bit crushed by the busyness of the holiday season. I want to accept my limits and not make my marriage any “messier!” Lol! And FYI – next Wedded Wed {Dec. 14th} will be the last one until January 7th, since I’m taking a Christmas break from blogging.

I’m not saying that sex outside of marriage cannot “glue you” to your partner—it does! Even the Bible mentions this phenomenon (1 Cor. 6:18-20). In fact, that’s one of the reasons we are admonished not to have sex before or outside of marriage, because it “rips” our bonded hearts and emotions when we pull away and move on to the next sexual partner. 


Joining with my friends at  Works for Me Wednesday,  Wifey Wednesday,  Coffee and Conversation,  Wholehearted Wednesday,  Whimsical Wednesday, and Simply Said Mom.

Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday …

Check out our new WW button!

Find our other WW button code and guidelines here.

Messy Marriage

And don’t forget to include a link back here, because the easier people can find Wedded Wednesday, the more traffic I can send your way!

  • JosephPote

    A kiss. I just love Sherri’s kisses!

    • Awww, Joe! How sweet! So I guess that means there’s lots of “PEA” in your life!

      You know what I think I love most of all? Being kissed on my forehead. That’s a very endearing expression to me. 🙂

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  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Well, you’ve left me in a conundrum. Do I apply a coat of paint to a Potemkin Village, or do I speak the truth,in the hopes that someone who reads this may be helped?

    Can’t find the paint. So, here goes. Time to be a positive witness for someone out there, someone who may be facing a situation they consider difficult.

    I live in a sex-free marriage, and it works. These days, it’s driven by illness – physical contact generally hurts too much. But that was not always the case. Physical intimacy ended when I realized that I lacked the skill to make it anything more than a duty for my wife. I stopped trying, and she seemed to be relieved.

    It works, from my end, because I made a promise to be a husband of a certain quality, and promises are something that you just don’t break because you’re not “gettin’ some”. I do what I can to make my wife’s life comfortable, and make her feel valued. I listen, and empathize. I try to anticipate her needs and desires.

    Sure, I’m human, and sometimes – rarely now – I regret what’s been “lost”, but there’s no way I will disrespect my wife by making requests that either force her to say “no”, or pressure her into a “yes” that she’d rather not say.

    I don’t know how my wife feels about this, because to raise even that question could raise the spectre of a “long, slow curve” for me to try to “get something”. But she seems happy enough, and in six years has not once suggested another course of action.

    If you want to know how I keep a balance…I stay mentally active, and as physically active (in terms of physical work and exercise) as I can. And I do try to distance myself from any form of sensuality. That way lies the temptation to…yes…beg, and I won’t do that, because it demeans two people.

    In the end it becomes something of a point of honor, honoring my wife’s implied and expressed desire.

    Because I love her.

    • JosephPote

      Andrew –

      I think it’s about each couple finding what works for them, as a couple…while whole-heartedly loving, honoring and cherishing each other.

      Too often, in our society, we see expected norm’s of husbands always pursuing more physical intimacy than they are experiencing. And we can easily fall into the trap of seeing this as normal and acceptable.

      Good for you for choosing the higher path of seeking to meet your wife’s needs without imposing demands on her.

      If either partner feels coerced in regard to physical intimacy, then it’s neither intimate nor loving…which defeats the whole purpose.

    • I can see how, being in the position in life that you find yourself, Andrew, that this post would come across as it seems it has for you. But I feel as if you are assuming some things about what I’ve said here. I don’t always have time to flesh out all the intricacies and differences that every couple might have, like you and your wife have had to navigate. But I feel these are general principles for the majority of couples that can positively impact those “typical” couples. And I, in NO WAY, want to say that a husband or wife should “guilt” their spouse or pressure their spouse to have sex under the guise that it is “the glue” God uses to bond us to one another in marriage!! Again, I simply can’t speak about or to all the ways couples or spouses might take this and run with it in the wrong direction.

      I simply want to say that I’m grateful that God has wired us with blessings that come from staying connected with our mates in these two very important ways. Do I think you can stay connected to your mate without the sexual aspect, of course! I know that you have worked tremendously hard to bridge that gap with your wife and I hope that she sees that and appreciates it. But, in my view, these are two primary ways God wants us to pursue intimacy with our mates.

      Also, I came at this more from the typical perspective of a wife who may shun sexual involvement (based upon those I’ve worked with over the years, this seems to be more the rule than the exception for women) but I hope she realizes the emotional and relational blessings that come from learning to be vulnerable and receptive in this area of the relationship with her husband. Thanks so much, my friend!

  • Mary

    I wish I knew you quite a few years ago and could have learned from your wisdom. I truly believe that lack of a spiritual foundation is key in a marriage and it is an area that needed a lot of work in mine. Of course the PEAS were also absent but there were specific reasons for that too.
    I am truly blessed by your knowledge now and love hanging out here to learn. Thanks for being a voice of truth and for being willing to share that each week. Hugs!

    • Awww, thanks so much, Mary! I wish we could just meet for coffee sometime. Maybe one day! My husband and I take several trips a year going in many different directions with each one. I will have to see if we’re ever headed into your neck of the woods! Thanks for your sweet encouragement, my sticky friend! 🙂

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  • I love hugs and kisses, plenty of hugs and kisses.
    And I do love it when we pray together and study God’s word together. These make me feel very close with my husband.
    As hindrances… Times when life is such a rush…

    • Hugs, kisses and prayers are such a great way to feel close to our spouses, Ugochi. Those little gestures go such a long way to set the tone, don’t they? And yes, the time thing, well … it’s been a true struggle for me lately as well. I do hope and pray that you and I feel energized and are able to find the time to give priority to our hubbies and other loved ones.

  • Kisses and hugs and long conversations. Walks in woods and time together in prayer. These are a few of my favorite things. But you are so right, spiritual and marital intimacy are the core of a solid marriage. And with the struggles to just stay intentional in a busy scheduled life, it must be a priority to ensure that PEAS is in high gear. 🙂 Great post.

    • Ooh! I love walks with my man and “in the woods” makes it even better, Nicki! And then praying together in the woods is the best! I think it’s so easy to let these priorities slip especially at this busy time of year. Ironically, this should be the time of year when we are more focused on giving like our Savior who came as a babe to give His life on our behalf. I do hope you get some “PEAS” in you and your hubby’s daily diet, sweet friend! Love ya!

  • Lynn

    What devotional or daily Bible reading works in “messy marriage” when a husband/wife are still unequally yoked after 27 yrs? What exists in a daily format that opens the healing words of Jesus?

    • Hey there Lynn, I’m sorry for the delay … I’ve had a crazy schedule lately! I have a few suggestions: Becoming Soul Mates by Les and Leslie Parrott, The Daily Office by Peter Scazzero (more for your own personal time than couple time), Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (check out all the varieties, including a Bible), The Recovery Bible (has devotions in it), …

      And the book that I’m writing that isn’t ready for publication quite yet! ha! I actually have a book in progress that will be more of a resource for ways to read or study the Bible with your spouse–along with some assessments that give you both an idea on where to begin; another that assesses your spiritual readiness; another that will assess what your life is like and offer options that fit various life-stages or situations, etc. It will also give pointers to wives whose husband’s are not spiritually connected or don’t know how to be a spiritual leader.

      I hope you find something soon though, Lynn, because the new year is a great time to get a jump start! Thanks for asking!

  • Applause, applause for tackling this subject, Beth! I just love hugs and when my hubby reaches for my hand. Those are simple gestures but so easily lost in the busyness of daily life.

    • JosephPote

      Simple gestures really are such a blessing! 🙂

    • Thanks, girlfriend! I don’t venture into the sexual subjects too often, so I appreciate the encouragement on that, Becky. I like the hand holding too and hugs are great when I’m not in the middle of fixing dinner. I’m “in the zone” and often feel irritated at those times, sad to say! I also like for my hubby to put his arm around me when we are at church. (I had to end my list on a positive note, ya know! ) Hugs to you!

  • LOVE this…and we think alike. I have a post in draft called Sex in Marriage is Like Glue!! Loved your latest Sloppy Joe, too.

    • Like I’ve said to you before, Sheila … “Great minds think alike!” 😉 Thanks also for the encouragement on the videos. It’s been a fun albeit daunting venture! It helps the stress in a way b/c it changes the routine up for me and gives me an outlet for humor. Hugs to you and say hello to Michael for me!

  • Mary Flaherty

    Well, I won’t divulge the “sticky” places in public; however, I did love that you tackled this topic. Great work, Beth.

    • I was hoping you’d throw out some funny zinger on this question, Mary! But I appreciate your discretion! Thanks for your encouragement! It means a lot! 🙂

      • Mary Flaherty

        I just re-read what I wrote, and I hope that “Sticky” didn’t imply…well, never mind. Oh my goodness, I hope I didn’t just make this R rated…What I meant was that I wasn’t going to divulge my personal marital difficulties. Is that funny enough for you? oy!

  • Great topic, Beth! I love hugs and rubs and talking 🙂 Its amazing how ‘small’ things mean so much in marriage. And how easy it is to lose the small things in the busyness of life. Great reminder today 😉

  • Tyson Cooper

    My wife and I read a few passages of scripture each night together before we go to sleep. It helps us stay connected. We often end up discussing what we’ve read and I’m always impressed by my wife’s insights. She’s an amazingly intelligent person and I’m grateful for the reminders.