How I Help My Husband … In His View

Today we are joining “Marriage Monday” to discuss the topic of 
“helping our husbands” as referenced in Gen. 2:18
I chose to interview the one I help, my husband, Gary.
 Check out what he has to say on the subject …
Scott and Lindsey Engagement Shoot 

What do you think God means when he created me to be your “helper” as referenced in Gen. 2:18?

Gary said:
“We’re supportive, we’re teammates, which implies that we’re more than just two independent people coming together. It’s like when two horses are teamed together, they’re able to pull more than two horses pulling the same load individually.”

My husband went on to say that he wants to be “my” helper too. He feels this is different from other  friends who might “help” each other emotionally or spiritually. Being a “marriage helper” helps us to experience and provide a deeper level of commitment and responsibility to one another.

What do you think “being your helper” doesn’t mean?

Gary said:
“I don’t think it means you’re my slave! It’s not a picture of me, as your husband, demanding you to do something for me. And it’s not that my needs are all there is and you help me get my stuff accomplished. It also doesn’t mean that you’re inferior to me” (Gal. 3:28, Eph. 5:21).

Why do you think God used the term “helper” in describing Adam’s wife (implying all wives)?

Gary said:
“Your role as my wife, as God defined it, leads to intimacy, communicates partnership, and highlights that we’re not self-sufficient. We need each other. It also is a mirror or reflection of Christ’s relationship with us—His Bride.”

What kinds of helping do you appreciate from me?

Gary said:
“Really listening and caring about me, being with me, supporting me emotionally”

Gary also appreciates and needs me to affirm him. This includes letting him know I want him and need him and want to be affectionate with him.

He also has huge appreciation for me as far as some of the family responsibilities I take on. He recognizes all the things that I do daily in our home and for our family, and “he gets to walk in and enjoy it!”

Gary said, “There’s no way I could survive without you doing all that you do.”

He also appreciates doing church life together, ministering together. He appreciates how I allow him to serve in times that aren’t always convenient for me (Beth) or our family.

What kinds of “helping” do you feel are discouraging or intrusive?

Gary said:
“When you assume that you need to step in and assist where I haven’t asked you to or when I think it isn’t helpful.”

Or “When your actions come across like I can’t handle something and you need to take care of it for me.”

He also added that it’s not helpful to him/us when he wants to help me and I won’t let him because I’m independent.

As you might see from this interview, Gary and I hold a somewhat equal view of marriage roles. However, our household responsibilities are often done in a more traditional way. We believe that the Bible leaves room for just how you want the roles in your marriage to be. We don’t think there is scriptural evidence that one way is superior or more biblical than the other.

Thanks to e-Mom for giving us this opportunity to flesh out some of these more “sticky” issues in marriage!

So what about you? How is “helping” lived out in your marriage?

Do you and your spouse agree on how it is to be lived out?

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Ecc. 4:9 (NIV)

Photo byAaron 

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Linking up with NOBH, Playdates with God, Life in the Comments and Marriage Monday 

  • Sylv_R

    Good post! Good questions and answers! And what’s most interesting to me is how much I think my own husband’s answers would be like yours (I’ll have to try out your questions on him and see) — yet we would both say we hold a complementarian view of marriage. I guess it’s all in the interpretation of words…
    Thanks, and God bless!

  • Ro elliott

    I love getting a window into your life…and i am very blessed with a man who also sees me…loves me…and honors me…he makes it so easy for me to what to see him…love him and honor him. thanks for sharing here~

  • This is a beautiful interview, Beth. I appreciate the time and courage it took for you both to share it. I pray it will help many see what a great marriage looks like.

  • messymarriage

    I felt like it was a good exercise for me to do too, Sylv. I need to stop every once in a while and consider how I can help my husband instead of lunging forward with my own “ways to help him.” 🙂 And yes, complementarian and egalitarian–same thing basically. Glad to know we’re similar!

  • messymarriage

    And I’m glad you feel like you’ve caught a glimpse of my marriage, Ro. It’s nice to know that we’re still “interesting” as a couple after all these many marriage miles! 🙂 Thanks for your sweet words of encouragement and glad to know you have a blessed marriage too!

  • messymarriage

    This was a good topic for me to explore, Lisa. I don’t think I do it often enough. I’m glad you appreciated it and I thank you for your support and encouragement, as always, my friend!

  • My marriage is definitely a “helper” situation. Where I’m lacking my husband is blessed and where he is lacking I am blessed. But, we both are very guilty about jumping in to “help” when we’re not asked! Definitely something we need to talk about! Ha! What a good guy you’ve got to “help” you out with this! 😉

  • What a beautiful post! I love your husband’s comments. Makes me think of ways I can help my husband – and how I need to let him help me more (because I’m “independent” like you). Thanks for sharing! (I’m dropping by from the Life in the Comments blog hop.)

  • Rachelle Dawson

    This is a creative idea for the topic. It’s great to know what is and is not helpful to our husbands.

  • messymarriage

    Sounds like blessings all the way around, Mindy! And yes, I do have a great guy and loved that he was willing to “help” out with this post. Thanks so much for coming by!

  • messymarriage

    That’s exactly what I was hoping for, Bonnie–that wives would be encouraged to help in ways we might not think about if we didn’t have the thoughts of a man to add to the discussion. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me!

  • messymarriage

    Yes, that’s what I was going for–the male perspective. Glad you liked and came by, Rachelle!

  • Pam

    I would like to confer that Gary is right when he says there is no way he could survive without you doing all that you do, Beth :o) Love the egalitarian and oneness perspective.

  • Jessica

    thanks for sharing, beth. reading this warmed my heart because it’s evident the respect and affection you have for each other. the last part was good for me to read because i tend to do all those things that are not helpful.

  • e-Mom @ Chrysalis

    Wonderful thoughts, wonderful marriage! Thoroughly enjoyed your interview.

    Gary’s thoughts here are key: “When you assume that you need to step in and assist where I haven’t asked you to or when I think it isn’t helpful.”

    Or “When your actions come across like I can’t handle something and you need to take care of it for me.”

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Beth.

  • Diane Tolley

    LOVED THIS!!! It’s so wonderful the hear the man’s point of view. And your view of marriage is exactly as my Husby and I see it. A partnership. With two loving, appreciative, kind and caring people yoked together equally in a common goal. Thank you for sharing this wonderful message on NOBH!

  • This is wonderful. I appreciate the interview and reading his responses. Makes me want to interview my husband:)

  • messymarriage

    Awww, thanks so much, Pam! I appreciate the kind words, my friend!

  • messymarriage

    I’m so glad you found it encouraging, Jessica. Yes, that last part was good for me to hear and remember as well, Jessica. It’s amazing how much this blog and the writings/exercises here challenge me as well. 🙂

  • messymarriage

    Thanks so much for swinging by, e-Mom. I appreciate you giving us this important assignment and for hosting as well! 🙂

  • messymarriage

    So glad that we (and our hubbies) see eye to eye on this issue, Diane. It is a great thing to be in a marriage as partners–helping one another. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me!

  • messymarriage

    You should do that, Christina. It’s a very revealing exercise. Thanks, as always, for coming by, friend.

  • I think your Gary is a liberated man :)! I love you view of partnership and how it honors both of you. So nice to hear Gary’s. thoughts too.

  • Faith

    yay for you an d your husband! you think alot like me and mine! I loved reading this post!