How My Hubby Was There for Me in My Pain And FMTM

Today I want to share a post that brags just a bit about my husband—pointing out how he recently was there for me in my pain. To understand the significance of this lesson he’s learned in our marriage, you have to know where he’s come from in comparison to where he is now.

Years ago, whenever I was in pain—emotional pain, that is—it made my husband feel uncomfortable. So it was easy for him to move into “Mr. Fix-It” mode, thinking he was doing me the best service ever—like I needed my chassis lubed or Freon added to my coolant system or something. 😉

He wrote about that tendency way back in 2011 in the post, Mr. Fix-It.”

Well, I’m proud to exclaim that he’s moved far from those fix-it” fixations, my friends.

[Tweet “He’s graduated summa cum laude, soaring to “Mr. I’mHereForYou” status. #besthusband”]

Now, on to the real and raw story . . .

With my shingles still persistently hanging around, I’ve been in an emotional funk lately. I know that it’s made me extra sensitive to other problematic issues that have recently erupted in my life. And just the other day I let them erupt out of me like Mount Vesuvius.

So maybe I do need some Freon added to my coolant system, after all!

But instead of my hubby reprimanding me for losing it, or giving me an impromptu five-point sermon on how I could improve my attitude and cope better (not that he would ever do those kinds of things! 😉 ) . . .

He simply let me lose it. #sweetsurrender

He even offered to hold me after I’d melted into a lump of tears. But I’m one of those weird women who doesn’t want to be held when I’m “that” upset. He could’ve taken that personally as well, but didn’t.

Thank you, God and Gary!

So do you know what he did do?

He just sidled up next to where I’d plopped down to weep and told me he loved me. He told me he was sorry and that he thought that what I was going through stinks.

I needed to hear those words. I needed to feel his nearness without him expecting me to respond or reciprocate. I needed to know he loved me even when I was not acting very lovable.

After all of these years of marriage, I think he’d learned and now knew exactly what I needed in that moment too. #changehappens

[Tweet “He’d learned that simply being with me in my pain was the best gift he could give as my husband.”]

You can bet that I will remember that encounter, because I know it wasn’t easy for him. He’s deepened my love and bond with him because of that patient and gentle response when I was one whacked out woman.


What would you have wanted from your spouse in a meltdown moment like that?


What’s one lesson you’ve learned in your marriage or life that didn’t come naturally?


[Tweet “Christian bloggers, join us for another From Messes to Messages Linkup #MessyMarriage”]

Also, since many of the respondents to my sexual hangups and hurdles questions have asked about remaining anonymous, I’ve created a survey that will allow that anonymity. So if you’re interested in taking this four question survey and letting me use your anonymous answers in my once-a-month series, you can access the survey here.

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Christian Blogger Community, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Testimony Tuesday, Coffee and Conversation, Coffee for Your Heart, Sitting Among Friends, Nanahood, Moments of Hope, Family, Friendship and Faith, Fresh Market Friday, DanceWithJesusFriday and LifeGivingLinkup.

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  • Beth, I’m so sorry for your pain. Pain certainly erodes our emotional reserves. Bravo for Gary. I’d want my husband to be with me and support me too. Gary did it just right!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Great post, Beth, and you’re lucky to have Gary.

    Bravo for the best, but as for the worst, the absolutely most destructive thing a spouse can do is to say, “How can I help you, because if we don’t get this resolved I’m going to have to deal with it all weekend.”

    You’ve got to admit it’s an honest response, but it absolutely kills any suggestion of emotional support that may be offered in the future; it kills trust.

  • Way to go, Gary!

    I am not sure what I would have wanted in that moment..sometimes I want to hide and fall apart by myself..other times I want the exact love Gary gave. I guess that makes it hard for my husband 🙂

    Always enjoy reading your mess-to-growth stories, Beth! Wishing you quick recovery and strength.

  • Susan

    I would have wanted him to leave me alone and put freon in the car!

  • Patricia Krank

    Oh Beth, I feel your pain! Praying that you will heal quickly and that God’s joy will abound. Thanks for the party and blessings to you,

  • What a lovely and loving tribute to your guy!

  • Bev @ Walking Well With God

    My husband has done well morphing from Mr. Fix it to Mr. Just Be There. I’m the type of person who just wants to be held while I cry. I’m open to advice, but before that it is so important to just have my feelings validated – like your husband did so well. I think sometimes we just want someone to acknowledge our pain before they attempt to give advice. Praise God for husbands who “get it”!!

  • Karrilee Aggett

    I’m so sorry to hear that your battle with shingles is still ongoing! I will continue to pray for you! And oh – what a blessing when our husbands ‘get’ that we don’t (always) want them to fix it! Yes and Amen! I am an internal processor and when we first started dating and got married, my Honey was an external processor… oh my did that create some issues! We have both learned to meet in the middle more now and it has made a huge impact! Great post! Praying for healing!

  • Beth, what a blessing to be able to see how we and our husbands have grown. Marriage truly is one of God’s greatest tools for spiritual growth, even though some of that iron sharpening happens with more than a few sparks along the way! Thanks for being transparent and for hosting. I’m tweeting and sharing.

  • Such a sweet sharing here Beth! So thankful your husband came through and love how God provides above and beyond when we really need it. And glad to know hopefully you are on the mend!

  • Samantha McDonald

    I’m a Pastor’s Wife as well, married almost 20 years. My husband used to be much like Mr. Fix-It, but has learned that most of the time I just want him to listen. If he’s not sure, he’ll even ask me, “Would you like me to offer help or do you just want me to listen?” Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • I would want my husband to be like yours and respond in love and grace. I am fortunate too to have a supportive and wonderful husband who is there for me when I am sick. Thanks for the great linkup. I added it to my linkup page:

  • pioneerpat1

    Support from others is half the battle. Some people don’t receive it. Great tribute to him.

    Hope your battle with shingles ends soon.

  • Dear Beth

    That is a lovely story – in its own way. Shingles is really horrible. Absolutely maddening pain. Gary’s response sounds perfect. Pile on extra helpings of love.

    I seem to learn all my lessons by kicking against the pricks. Unfortunate thing is people around me seem to get pricked and kicked as part of the process.


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