How Small Acts of Love Transform Your Heart And WW Linkup

Loving Acts Move MountainsWhen we first get married, connecting with our spouse almost always feels as natural as breathing. You feel compelled to connect because your emotions are so strong and vibrant for your bride or groom.

You want to get to know everything there is to know about this mysterious person because, well, … you don’t know very much at this early stage. You have yet to grow tired of those little idiosyncrasies that are so endearing to you early in the relationship …

But eventually will become irritating when bumping up against your own idiosyncrasies for one too many times! (Consider yourself warned!)

Of course, there are those who are so far away from that “twitterpated” (btw, this has nothing to do with Twitter!) phase of marriage that it seems like a joke to think that it was ever that way. Although I believe most, if not all, marriages could use a little challenge in the right direction, because marriage is hard and um … messy! 😉

Sometimes it just seems insurmountable to simply do small acts of love and achieve any kind of movement around the imposing mountain in our path.

If that is you and your spouse, then I want you to know that over my many years (let’s not talk about just “how” many!) of counseling, coaching and simply being in the trenches of marriage myself, I’ve seen the powerful impact of small, consistent connections moving mountains. It doesn’t always happen, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthwhile pursuit.

[Tweet “The caring actions you take to win your mate’s heart will transform and strengthen your own.”]

Wouldn’t you rather have a stronger, more loving heart because you worked hard at your marriage, even though it eventually failed?

Remember …

[Tweet “Your stronger ability to love will not be left behind as you go into future relationships.”]

It always goes with you into your next marriage or relationship, making it that much better. I promise!

So for week two of our challenge, here are the daily acts of love and connection:

Day One
Write a brief love note on a sticky note and hide it where your spouse will be surprised to find it. It can say something as simple as, “Thank you for being a great dad to our kids!”

Day Two
Ask your spouse how you can pray for him. If your spouse is prickly about spiritual things, then ask your spouse how you can help him sometime during this day.

Day Three
Reflect on a fun memory you shared with your mate in the past. Say something like, “Do you remember when we … ?”

Day Four
Buy or bake a treat that you know your spouse would like and give it to him with a smile on your face sometime today.

Day Five
Send a flirty or friendly text. Something like, “I was thinking about you today and it made me smile!” 🙂 Click here for some other ideas from a post I did on 5 Things You Should Text Your Spouse.

Day Six
Thank your spouse for one way you appreciate his parenting, his work ethic or, if you’re really brave, what you love about his “bod!”

Day Seven
Find something to apologize for. We almost always do something irritating or neglectful with our spouses on a daily basis. Reflect on your day and then offer that slice of humble pie to your hubby at days end.

Click here for a printable of this week’s challenges.

Where are you on the continuum of “twitterpation”—a “ten and head over heels” or a “one and heading for the door”?

 

What hinders you from doing these small acts of love with and for your mate?

Connection Challenge Blk


Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, and Wholehearted Wednesday.

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Add any links that are uplifting, helpful and encouraging to our spiritual lives, marriages and families!

Messy Marriage

Find our other WW buttons and guidelines here.

Unfortunately, I don’t have enough time to visit every blog that links up here, but I do try to visit the blogs of those who comment here. Most importantly, know that you all matter and provide great resources for this linkup. I’m so grateful for your participation!

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  • Hi Beth, I’m implementing several of these tips lately. Our girls have both been gone much of the summer, as they transition into adulthood. I was honestly depressed at first at them growing up, but delighted to find out how much my husband and I still enjoy each other. And, dang if I don’t feel even crazier about him that I have for the last 27 years!

    • I didn’t realize that you had kids that were that age, Christa! You look so young. You must have been very young when you had them. I totally am there with you though in discovering new territory with children turning to adults. It’s harder and more confusing than I imagined at times. So, yes! Connecting with our spouse at those crucial thresholds is so important. My parents barely interacted at all when I went off to college. I think it was good for their marriage to have time alone together. They seemed much more “together” after I flew from the nest. Thanks for your encouragement and so glad to see you back in the linkup!

      • You are so sweet, I definitely look my age in person. Smiling makes us all look better I’d say! Harder and confusing, amen! But my parents must be much like yours. They much prefer empty nesting I think and being alone 🙂

  • Little acts of love, one at a time, aren’t all that hard at all, are they, Beth. And they pour grace into this relationship that often gets shortchanged in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

    Thanks for breaking these little love gifts down to do-able portions. I love this.

    You’re so smart!

    ;-}

    • Nope, Linda! So why do we forget to do them? I know that I need this challenge as much as others who visit here. Life can invade and take over if I let it! I do hope you are finding lots of time to rest and pull away to be not just with Tim but with the Lord. I know you are! Just know you, your mom and entire family are in my prayers. And thanks for always being such an encourager to me. I feel like I don’t deserve your praise but I am grateful you offer it anyway, girlfriend!

  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Twitterpation, eh? Well, okay. I’m not sure how to respond – illness and issues related to PTSD have really changed the definition of normal. Putting a number on it would be almost impossible.

    I like the idea of small gestures. Something I used to do was put a post-it with an appropriate Bible verse into my wife’s day planner; circumstances and a very positive job change for her no longer allow it.

    Another thing I do when possible is to complete a job she’s been putting off because she really hates it…and I don’t say anything, but let her discover that it’s done.

    Flirty doesn’t work with me, unfortunately. I was never really attuned to that aspect of human interaction. My wife says that my onboard subroutines didn’t include it when I was brought online, and that the paradigmatic and protocol data is read-only, so it can’t be added.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/07/your-dying-spouse-36-caregiver.html

    • Hey Andrew, I don’t know if you got my email about the linkup. If you refresh your browser, you’ll see that your links have disappeared. I had to completely replace the linkup with a new one, because the other one disappeared a second time. I hope you don’t mind reloading your links. Sorry for the technical difficulties!

    • I can’t imagine that “twitterpation” would be even a blip on your radar, Andrew. And no one would blame you for that. But I’m so glad to hear that you are doing many small gestures that mean so much for your wife. What a great guy you are! I love that you used to put a Bible verse in your wife’s planner. That’s a great idea–if it doesn’t impact her job as you’ve mentioned. It sounds like you’re doing the best kind of flirting, my friend–being sensitive to her burdens and needs–even as you carry a much-too-heavy burden of your own. Thanks for linking up, my friend! I look forward to seeing and hearing from you each week!

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  • Elizabeth Ours

    I totally LOVE the word twitterpation! I’m trying to think where I last heard the word twitterpated . . . . and I think it was in Mr. Deeds Goes to Town — one of my most Fav OLD movies!! (I LOVE old movies with Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Gary Cooper, etc.!!)

    Anyway, I love the idea of doing small acts of love! I enjoy doing those types of things for my husband . . . but I realize I haven’t done them much lately, just because I’m always trying to fit too much into my days!!! Not sure where to cut back . . . . my poor blog seems to be falling farther and farther down my priority list! 🙂

    thanks for the great reminders! 🙂
    Elizabeth

    • Where I first heard it, Elizabeth, was on the movie Bambi. I didn’t know there were so many old classics that used it. I can just see Jimmy Stewart trying to get that whopper out of his ever-charming, albeit stuttering mouth! 😉

      I’m also glad that you are encouraged by this challenge to do small acts of love. I can totally see that you would “rock” at this with your hubby. I bet that’s one of the many reasons he loves you! Thanks for your encouragement and for joining me in the linkup!

  • Mary

    I love how you have a realistic handle on marriage and as a result you are able to provide concrete ideas to help others in their marriages. The word twitterpation is a new one for me but it certainly describes that newly married feeling that I do remember. Thank you for easy to follow and complete ideas for relationships. Hope your week is going well. Love and hugs!

    • It actually was what came to mind when I viewed a video my new daughter-in-law created of her and my son, Jordan. I will be sharing a link to it on Sunday/Monday, so I hope you come back by and view it. They are sooo very much in looovvee! 😉 I know that the couples I deal with who are in the harder parts of marriage really need a boost to keep on persevering. There’s nothing like returning to the basics that we once did when we first met and fell in love. Thanks so much for coming by, Mary! My prayers are with you, especially today with all you’re facing!

  • JosephPote

    What an encouraging post, Beth!

    And you’re right…learning to love well directly impacts other (future) relationships, even if the immediate one fails.

    Also, Jesus promises that when we act in love toward others He accepts it as an act of love toward Himself (Matthew 25:40). For followers of Christ, love is never wasted.

    Even if the marriage ends in divorce, acting in love is a win/win!

    Blessings to you, my friend!

    • Yes, we really need to keep our love for Christ in the forefront of our minds as we do these kind and loving acts–especially if we are in a marriage where we are being stonewalled and rejected. We will grow weary and discouraged, if we don’t lean into the Lord and let Him love through us. Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation. I miss visiting your place. Are you going to be back at blogging more in the fall?

      • JosephPote

        I sure hope to get back to blogging before much longer. Busy-ness of life combined with a need to be in-the-moment with family, plus computer problems have all conspired to seriously reduce my on-line time the last few months.

        Not a bad thing…but I do miss the blogging and interacting with all of you!

  • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

    Hi Beth – Hope you are doing well and having a good summer. I saw that you had a big family change earlier this summer – very exciting! It looks like we are running on a similar track with our posts today!

    • Yes, it’s been a good summer, although also a very busy and distracted one. You mentioned one of the main distractions–my son’s marriage. 😉 For which we are so glad and still celebrating! So are any of your boys (I think you have all sons like me, right?) getting married soon? I’ve seen pics of your son who has gone on mission trips, correct? What a great blessing to have adult children who serve the Lord passionately! And yes, we are on the same page today with our posts. But then I always knew we were “two peas in a pod!” 😉 Hugs to you!

  • I look forward to implementing your ideas when I get married.

    • I’m so glad that you are thinking intentionally and proactively about that for the future, Yvonne! It’s the best thing you could do–to get your marriage off on the right footing. Thanks for coming by and stopping in to say “hello!”

  • Rhiannon Skeen

    My husband and I talk about this a lot and we are always trying to explore ways to show love to one another. We have only been married for 2 years, but it has been such a wonderful journey. I found your page through the link-up at Works for Me Wednesday and I’m so glad I did. This post was an encouragement! Thank you!

    • That’s great, Rhiannon, that you and your hubby talk about this and realize the importance of it as well. That tells me that you both are very proactive and probably have a better than average marriage, correct? Even if you’re struggling, being consistent with these can pull you back up to the top–especially as early in your marriage as you are! Stay focused on giving and loving, my friend!

  • great post and great ideas but day 1 “Thank you for being a great dad to our kids and a good husband to me!” and husband day 1 “Thank you for being a great mom to our kids and a good wife to me!” how about just saying it to them face to face believe me it has a great impact, compliments like that will put a lot of equity into you emotional bank account.

    • It’s always important to affirm our mates to their faces. I was just trying to offer a creative way to surprise our mate. I think leaving a note where my hubby can find it is a playful and romantic way to affirm him. But certainly, affirming him daily and regularly is crucial to our marriage’s health and warmth. Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation!

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  • These are sure ways to improve and spice up our relationships with our spouses Beth.
    I remember leaving sweet notes all over our room, batheroom, my husband’s work bag, shoes and several other place on our last anniversary. My husband was blown away…
    I should do things like that often and on regular days.
    Many thanks for sharing!
    Love

  • These are sure ways to improve and spice up our relationships with our spouses Beth.
    I remember leaving sweet notes all over our room, bathroom, my husband’s work bag, shoes and several other places on our last anniversary. My husband was blown away…
    I should do things like that often and on regular days.
    Many thanks for sharing!
    Love

    • Yes, we tend to believe that spicing up our marriage has to involve some lengthy or elaborate gesture, when small, consistent acts of love speak volumes, Ugochi. I’m so glad to hear that you have done the “note” idea. I think it’s a lot of fun and so unexpected. I have another idea for next week that is along this line, but adds a new twist to it. Thanks for coming by, linking up and being an encourager in my life!

  • Danielle DeVane Wells

    I love the ideas you put forth in this post!!! I really want my readers to know about this too! I want to share this in my weekly series called “Roll Out The Red Carpet Thursday” – I share bloggers’ amazing posts that I’ve found during the week. I hope that’ ok! Have a great night!

    • Thanks so much for sharing this on FB, Danielle! I really appreciate the shout out, my friend!

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  • Beautiful, romantic and practical ideas. I love them.