How to Defuse Anger – Part Two

Human WeaknessIn my last post, I shared that thinking you can control your spouse or “playing god” only increases anger and frustration. So if you release control to the one, true God, you’ll be able to lessen your anger. Today I want to discuss another internal problem with anger that’s very much related to the first.

We expect our spouse to be perfect like God.

Our anger often surges when we get less or at least something different from our spouse than what we expected. We tell ourselves something like, “My husband should have known what I wanted him to do!” or “My wife has no right to take her frustration out on me, even if she’s had a terrible day!”

We are forgetting the very important fact that our spouses are human! Sometimes they don’t see how hurtful their actions are. Sometimes they are caught up in their own pain. Sometimes they just don’t know how or what to do. And sometimes they don’t even know when they’ve hurt us. In other words,… 

Our spouses simply are not God!

Now there’s a hidden bonus in remembering and accepting the fact that our spouse is human. We not only feel our anger lessening, but we also gain more understanding and compassion for our spouse. We recognize they have faults like us. We feel a connection with them that we might not have felt if we had continued in vain to hold our spouse to an unrealistic standard.

So the next time your anger flares, accept the fact that your spouse is only human. It might just be the most God-like thing you do!

“Still God was merciful. He forgave their sins and did not destroy them. Many times he held back his anger and did not stir up all his anger.  He remembered that they were only human, like a wind that blows and does not come back.” Psalm 78:38-39 (NCV)

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7 (NIV)