How to Receive Your Spouse’s Hurt – Video

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I’m back with another installation of  “Sloppy Joe Time” that unpacks the many sloppy expectations we have in life and marriage. Today’s video tackles how to receive the hard truth of how you’ve hurt your spouse.

After all, if we are breathing and have a pulse, we will hurt our spouse!

We may not always do it intentionally but that doesn’t negate the need to acknowledge the hurt! 

Being able to face the hurt we’ve caused as well as learn from it often remains elusive to the average couple. So if this is a problem that you and your spouse have, I hope you’ll watch this video and discover a new way of “entering your spouse’s world.”

 

 

Tell us about a time when your spouse lowered his/her defenses enough to really listen and enter your world.

 

If you’ve never experienced that with your spouse, what do you think would help you and your spouse to connect in that way?

 

Signature - Beth Blessings

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Linking up with – Marriage MondaysMaking Your Home Sing MondaySunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty and Playdates with God

  • Beth … this is hard work, staying totally focused on what’s coming from the other’s heart. We’re usually too busy figuring out what we want to say or trying to defend ourselves. Or we’re quiet, but our body language is sending a message that’s really obnoxious. Or we let everything and everybody else get in the way of having these kind of interactions.

    Thanks for spelling this out for us in a way that makes us feel like, YES, maybe we can do this!

    • Oh yes, I’m definitely the second option you shared, Linda. I try to keep my anger under control, but Gary can see from my body language or facial expression what’s really simmering beneath the facade! We just feel so encouraged by this tool because it has really helped us to get away from our own concerns so that we can see things from each other’s perspectives. I would have never guessed that resolving conflict would be such a bonding part of marriage, but that’s exactly what has occurred for us when we respond with care and openness to any conflict we face. Thanks for always popping by to encourage me, dear friend!

  • I try to offer this to my wife when I’ve hurt her; repeating back what she’s said does a lot of good.

    It’s not something I receive – my wife does not want to “enter my world”. I’m likely to be dead soon, so what’s the point? She’s moving on. My efforts to share have been rebuffed with the attitude that I’m oversensitive, and shouldn’t have been hurt by THAT.

    I’ve learned to internalize things, and to look at them with the perspective of my understanding of my wife’s life and heart, and with an understanding of what the world is really like. Compared to the various recent genocides, it doesn’t add up to much.

    Still hurts a bit, though.

    But it doesn’t really matter; I only have control over what I do, and the whole point of marriage is offering consideration without demanding, or expecting, the same in return. We hope it’s given, but people are very different, and once the choice to marry has been made before God, we are beholden to a certain set of obligations that are quite independent of how we feel.

    • Lisa

      Andrew, I just wanted to let you know that I prayed for you, your wife, and your marriage today. Among other things, I’m praying for the Spirit’s comfort and encouragement for you. May you feel God’s love in a very tangible way this week.
      Beth, excellent teaching. Thank you. I’m looking forward to hearing about the tool that you and your husband use.

      • Lisa, thank you for the prayers. Being counter off life’s roster, so to speak, can be discouraging, but I know that the Almighty is backstopping my heart.

        And He’ go a lot of help from some wonderful people.

  • Jessica

    Wow Beth your video is so timely. So good to see you in the video too! My husband and I were in a conflict for the last two days and resolved it yesterday but learned a lot from you today in how to really listen, and own and recall back, for next time! When you talked about how recalling will help in remembering the emotions of how I hurt him, it’s so true. I need to do that more. As well as your point in not wearing two hats. So good. Thanks so much for helping me work through issues and for this post. Thankful for how God uses you to help many marriages out there.