Letting a Busy Schedule Come before Your Marriage?

This has been an incredibly busy month for me, and it’s only the 17th of October! What will the rest of the month look like? And with all this busyness, I’m reminded of one very important aspect of my marriage …
my husband!
Now, I have to say that October has been a really busy month for my hubs, Gary, as well. It kind of gives me a dreaded shiver when I think that we’re not even to the busy holiday season yet. Yikes! But, no matter how busy this month has been, there’s one thing that we’ve managed to keep intact—our time together.
That hasn’t always been the case.
There was a time, especially when our kids were small, when we let our children or our jobs trump our time together. As for me, I would let those cute little boogers suck up any free time or energy I had, and then I’d have nothing left to give to my husband. Over time, making our “independent pursuits” the priority over our relationship, was the cause of many an argument and a feeling of resentment. So at some point …
We decided to carve out time that was just for us.
This meant not just saying we wanted more time together, but discussing what times would be the best to do this and actually getting our calendars out to schedule it! (That can be the toughest part!) So for about the past 10 years now, we’ve had what we refer to as “Talk Time,” where we carve out about one hour on an evening during the week. We also make time to go on a date at least every other week. And thankfully, our jobs allow us to both take our day off on Friday, so that we can devote that time to being together as well.
Now, I know that many couples don’t have the luxury of having even “one day off” together. But my point is that making time each day and each week to touch base with each other is so vital to staying connected and not consumed with our many responsibilities. It really doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it (although I’ll share some hints very soon), but you must make it a priority or all the other priorities in your life will overtake it.
Now, what do you do if your spouse doesn’t see the need to spend intentional times together? That’s when things get a bit more complicated, but it’s a common problem for messy married couples. So I’ll be addressing just how to deal with this issue in the very near future!

Today’s Post is Linked to –No Ordinary Blog Hop and
Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters
  • carissa graham

    this is so important. my honey is in full-time ministry and this is the busiest time of year… especially coming up in the next few months with the Christmas stuff. anyway, it gets overwhelming thinking about how busy he is and will be. all the more reason to prioritize!

    -carissa
    http://www.carissagraham.com

  • Kimberly

    Though I realize you speaking to all couples, and not specifically Ministry Families, Ministry has historically been the one area we have had the most difficulty finding healthy balance. It’s like, as long as it’s Churchie things I am neglecting my husband and family for, it’s not only okay, it’s encouraged. A woman I greatly admire once said that “sometimes you have to lay your family on the alter of ministry”. I had a hard time swallowing that statement, but it got me to think and help me realized that I wasn’t over-committing in ministry as some noble spiritual sacrifice, but because that was where I was comfortable and got my self worth. I was using it to avoid issues in my marriage and withing myself. As long as I’m busy with the external, I can putt off whats making me crazy inside.

  • messymarriage

    It’s so hard, but so important! I don’t know that there are easy answers here, but it’s worth being more intentional about. Thanks for stopping by!

  • messymarriage

    You’re right, Kimberly. I think that there is a culture that has been pervasive in churches of sacrificing our families and marriages for whatever is needed at church. I hope that culture is changing. I’m not saying we should take a pass on every ministry opportunity, but we are also called to nurture and protect our family/marriage from the neglect that can come from being over-committed. We all need to be okay with saying and hearing “no” sometimes.

  • I can’t wait to read more about the practical tips for connecting with a busy husband! Thanks Beth!

  • messymarriage

    Thanks for being excited about the second part to this post, Gloria. But please hang on! I’m still planning to write it–probably for next Monday’s post.

  • Kim Hall

    “And with all this busyness, I’m reminded of one very important aspect of my marriage …my husband! “

    Yikes. There’s an important reminder. Grateful for my hubbie who desires to spend time with me, and looking forward to your suggestions for spouses who don’t.