Love vs. Infatuation and WW Linkup

Love is . . .
Developed in times of difficulty.
Infatuation is . . .
Spoiled in times of difficulty.

Love is . . .
Empowered by what is good and true.
Infatuation is . . .
Fueled by good times.

Love is . . .
A result of intentional and sacrificial choices that eventually bloom into feelings.
Infatuation is . . .
Quickly ignited by feelings and images—that extinguish just as quickly.

Love is . . .
Persevering no matter what trouble comes your way.
Infatuation is . . .
Preoccupation with whomever makes you feel good in the moment.

Love is . . .
Seeking God to fill the void when your loved one isn’t so lovable.
Infatuation is . . .
Pursuing an ever-elusive “soul-mate” in an illegitimate attempt to feel complete.

Love is . . .
Hard work—based in faith and commitment.
Infatuations is  . . .
Effortless and involuntary—based in adrenalin and dopamine.

Love is . . .
Fed by a continual “dying-to-self” and surrender to our great God.
Infatuation is . . .
Fed by self-centeredness and grandiosity.

Love is . . .
Established by giving and receiving respect.
Infatuation is . . .
Energized by being the object of worship.

Love is . . .
Strengthened by fearful self-disclosures that pave the way to a deeper bond.
Infatuation is . . .
Weakened by fearful revelations that shatter the dream.

So, which of the two—infatuation or love–>do you pursue most in your marriage? 

If you’re pursuing “infatuation” more than love, then you’re putting your marriage at risk!

 

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  • Wow, Beth, I’ve never thought about infatuation in marriage- seems I’m often discussing the difference between love and infatuation with my girls as they grow into teenhood. But this post makes me pause and look at my own heart.

  • Sherry- Intentionally Yours

    I’m with Alicia, I never considered how the choices we make in marriage are either in love or infatuation! It’s the deep vs. shallow, long term vs. short term, God’s way vs. the world’s conversation, isn’t it? So often in counseling we want to tell couples to just GROW UP! And this helps us to see (in that same way) how couples are seeking infatuation, not love. Great post, thanks so much for sharing with us. I’m stopping over from Intentionally Yours and we LOVE Messy Marriage!

  • Auntie Em@Auntie Ems Guide to

    Funny how you and I are on the same wavelength this week! Thanks so much!

  • Megan@DoNotDisturb

    Great list of the differences. Thanks for sharing!

    Megan

  • I love the list and what hit me is that in this culture, many people marry thinking they are in love, but they are really just infatuated. Tim Keller really hits well on that point in The Meaning of Marriage.

  • Kathryn

    Love this post! Will share on Pinterest!

  • this is good, Beth … lots of food for thought … and a bit of self-evaluation, yes?

  • Do you know what I value most about this post? It helps me to see that I really do fall heavy to the “love” side. Thanks for this clear line of distinction, Beth. I’m saving it for my daughters when they’re older!

  • Great list, Beth. In all my reading, I recognize the “infatuation” feelings as what people find when they enter into affairs of any kind. Self-gratifying, but shallow and short-lived.

    Thanks for the comparisons … terrific job!

  • GreatPeaceAcademy

    Hi Beth,
    What a beautiful way to compare love with infatuation. Great, great great post!
    Renee @ http://www.greatpeaceacademy.com

  • Jennifer Peterson

    Loved this! I had been in relationships in the past where I was infatuated with the other person and they really loved me and times when I really loved them and they were only infatuated with me. It can be a blinding thing this infatuation. Great post

  • Great distinction between the two, Beth. Very helpful. Early on in my dating relationship with Adam, I’d definitely lean more toward infatuation. While I would say I loved Adam before we got married, I couldn’t really distinguish between the two until after we were married. It took me awhile to fully comprehend dying to self and unconditionally love my spouse.

  • Yes, Sherry, it seems a bit more understandable, more relate-able, less offensive than telling them they’re looking for love in an immature way. 🙂 Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me! I appreciate what you all do over at Intentionally Yours as well, my friend.

  • Weren’t we on the same wave length not too long ago as well? I guess, “great minds think alike!” Thanks so much for coming by and linking up, Em!

  • You’re more than welcome, Megan. Thanks so much to you too for linking up your incredible post today! It was a stand out in my reading today!

  • Yes, one of the reasons I posted this was because I constantly see those (excuse the expression) “stupid” FB posters that propagate lies about love. I wanted to educate in my small way. 🙂 Thanks so much for coming by, encouraging me and linking up, Elizabeth!

  • That would be great, Kathryn. I really appreciate it and am grateful that you linked up your post as well, my friend!

  • Yes, I love self-evaluation. It’s good for me to think through these truths in relation to the way I’m living out my love toward my spouse. These posts are not just for my readers! lol! Thanks so much for your sweet words, Linda! And for sharing your very vulnerable story over at Creekside with all of us!

  • Isn’t that so comforting to know? I think I do too and the areas where I need to work, it makes it clear to me what I need to do to change my attitude. Thanks so much for your sweet words, Becky. I’m honored that you want to use it with your daughters someday. 🙂

  • Yes, that was an underlying thought I had in this post. I know that married people can pursue “infatuation” instead of love and that might lead them to give their heart to a stranger and not to the one they committed their lives to. Thanks so much for the encouragement and for linking up as well. 🙂

  • Thanks, Renee. I really appreciate you coming by and linking up!

  • Yes, “blinding” is a good way to put it. I’ve also heard authors refer to it as “intoxication.” Either way, you’re not seeing things clearly and you’ll end up falling into a relationship ditch! 🙂 Thanks so much, Jennifer, for coming by and weighing in!

  • Wow Beth, now that you put it so plainly and clearly! Honestly I never think about infatuation in relation to marriage, cos I reckon i said “yes” and that ended any and all infatuations. Mercy. I see how i pursue the latter sometimes. I really like the last statement on deeper bond or shattered dreams. Makes a lot of sense to me right now.

  • Yeah, I never thought about it either early in my marriage. But after doing some intensive study on codependency traits in relationships, I saw this problem cropping up time and again–in my life and in others’ lives. Addressing the “magical thinking” that most of us do at least early on in marriage, can really bring healing and a good dose of truth to those who want that “fix” in life and marriage. It’s only going to end in disappointment because infatuation quickly sputters out while love endures. 🙂 Thanks so much for your kindness to me, Ngina. I truly appreciate you and your ministry as well.

  • Heather C.

    Nice way of distinguishing between the two feelings. Both are such strong feelings but so very different in applications.