A Marriage Destroyed by Sin, Redeemed by Grace

Today’s article is another “Share Your Story”  
from blogger, Megan Elzey who writes at Sunshine Through the Windows.

IMG_2625 

My husband, Scott, and I fell in love when he was a junior and I was a senior in high school. Although we married fairly young, we’d already been dating for 5 and a half years.

Right after our first wedding anniversary, I got pregnant with our first child. The same month that our daughter turned one, I got pregnant again, and then again right after our son turned one. By this point, we were stressed and exhausted and our marriage was in serious trouble.

When I was about 7 months pregnant, I had a check-up with my midwife. Scott had been completely disengaged during the whole appointment, and when it was over I asked him if he was that unhappy all of the time, or just when he was around our family. He answered that he was that unhappy all of the time.

After talking a little while, I realized that he was very dissatisfied in our marriage, and had been thinking about it for some time. At the time, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to stay married. We decided that we would start seeing a marriage counselor to see if we could make things better.

Over the next few months in counseling, it seemed like we were making progress. However, Scott still spent a lot of time completely disengaged from me and not attempting to make things better. Finally, our third child was born, and even though it was an incredibly wonderful time …

It was all marred by the overriding feeling that our marriage was in deep trouble.

Three weeks after the birth of our baby, I finally confronted Scott about why he was so distant. He confessed that he’d fallen in love with a woman from his work. He assured me that he had not had a physical affair with her, but by then they had a very deep emotional attachment.

A few days later, he decided that he wanted to be with the other woman, so I asked him to leave. He moved into an apartment, and at this point he and the other woman began a sexual relationship. We remained separated for 2 months, during which time Scott insisted that he wanted a divorce, and …

I prayed with everything I had that that wouldn’t happen. 

I realized that, though I did not carry sole responsibility for our failed marriage, I did need to take responsibility for my part.

I prayed that God would open my eyes and show me the areas of my personality and behavior that did not bring Him glory, and give me the wisdom and strength to change them.

I felt certain that God would mend our marriage, even though it seemed impossible, but that both Scott and I had a great deal of growing to do first. I had such a strong, deep experience of God during that time that some nights I found myself praying even in my sleep. I also learned some very important lessons about my tendencies towards anxiety and controlling behavior.

This was the ultimate lesson, teaching me that I can only control myself and that I must trust God with everything else.

Finally, God changed Scott’s heart and led him back home. Once God reconciled our marriage, we were filled with a renewed hope for our marriage, and worked incredibly hard at mending and strengthening it. It’s taken work every single day and a huge amount of healing, but by the saving grace of God, our marriage is better than it ever was.

There have been many days since then that I’ve struggled deeply with the pain of what happened, but God’s still with me—continuing to grow, teach, and lead me. Scott’s also allowed God to change him and make him into the Godly husband and father he was created to be. Our marriage is centered on God, on His principles, and our foundation is strong.

Megan also would like to share a link to another helpful article she wrote with on this subject.  Just click on the link and it will take you directly to her article – What to Do If You Find Yourself in Marital Crisis.

Photo by Vortexas32 (Flickr)

Today’s Post is Linked to –
and
 On In Around button
  • JosephPote

    This is a very powerful story, Megan, full of important truths:

    The power of prayer, the importance of accountability and consequences, recognizing that we can only control ourselves and must trust God with the rest, how God can use wise counsel…

    Thanks for sharing!

  • It’s amazing the miracles God can work, when we think nothing can change, He shows us otherwise. Thanks for this powerful testimony of His faithfulness. Blessings!

  • Thank you Joseph 🙂 I have never experienced God like I did when my marriage was falling apart. He is so good!

  • Marianne @ Abundant Life

    Thank you for sharing your story here Megan. I pray that women would hear this and know that, with God, all things are possible. Blessings to you!!

  • Ro elliott

    Megan…this is encouraging…and just a testimony of how we have to fix our eyes on Jesus…not the other person. To allow God to come and heal our hearts…change us…and leave the other person in the hands of God. So thankful you all found healing and are continuing to grow and allow God to further heal the wounds…don’t grow weary…great freedom is still coming. blessings to you~

  • KathleenBasi

    I shudder at the fear of something like this happening to us. What a difficult time, and how beautiful that you made it through!

  • oh, sweet soul . . . thank you so much for sharing your story. what a powerful testimony about our Redeemer Father. beauty from ashes . . .

    blessings to you & yours,
    tanya

  • Thank you for sharing your story of reconciliation!

  • messymarriage

    Thanks so much, Joe, for coming by and encouraging Megan!

  • messymarriage

    That’s my prayer for Megan’s story, as well, Marianne. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging her!

  • messymarriage

    Yes, Ro, it appears she is a living example of the words from your post. Thanks so much for coming by to support and encourage Megan!

  • messymarriage

    I can’t imagine it either, Kathleen. It would be heart-wrenching. I’m so glad that Megan found her strength in the Lord. Thanks so much for coming by and weighing in!

  • messymarriage

    This truly is a “beauty from ashes” testimony, Tanya. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging Megan! 🙂

  • messymarriage

    Thanks for coming by, Jenni. I know that it means a lot to Megan and also to me as well! 🙂

  • Janis Van Keuren

    In this time when giving up on everything, especially marriage, is dominant, it is refreshing and encouraging to hear that God is still has the victory in healing broken marriages.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Blessings,
    Janis

  • Kathleen, this was actually one of my greatest fears, for whatever reason. And I think that one of the reasons why God allowed it to pass through His hand to me was to show me that no matter what I go through, He is enough. Thank you for stopping by 🙂

    Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blogspot.com

  • Marianne, it is my prayer that God would use our story to help many women (and marriages) as well. I have such a heart for healthy, godly marriages now, and I want to encourage women in any way I can. Thank you for stopping by 🙂

    Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blogspot.com

  • Janis, it truly breaks my heart how easy it is to get a divorce these days, and it doesn’t even have to be both spouses that want it. If one wants it, one gets it. But I have seen God completely change the heart of my husband, and I know He can do it with others as well. As long as there is one spouse clinging to God and His healing power, I believe He can fix any marriage!

    Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blogspot.com

  • Sharon O

    wow that is a story of recovery and renewal and forgiveness and even a miracle.

  • Beautiful story of God’s redeeming love. Thanks for being transparent to share your pain, Megan. I know you do it so Christ can receive all the glory and so you can be used by Him. I’m so thankful you linked this up with The Alabaster Jar.

  • Thank you, Jolene! It truly is my desire to be used by Him for His purposes 🙂

  • Jessica

    what a powerful story, megan. i thank God for your testimony and courage to share vulnerably, and for even sharing the areas you needed to work on. so humbling. thanks for encouraging to trust in the God who redeems!

  • messymarriage

    Yes, Sharon, you’ve summarized it very well. Thanks so much for coming by and saying so!

  • messymarriage

    Isn’t she great, Jessica?! Megan hit a home run with this guest post and I’m so grateful, as well, for her authenticity. Thanks for coming by and encouraging her.

  • Thank you both, so much 🙂 It really gives me hope, when I do put our story out there and hope that people are reading it and being encouraged, to hear feedback like this. God is so good, and I am so thankful that He can use me in spite of myself!

  • Wow, what an incredible story with, I admit, a surprising ending. I’m so happy you are stronger than ever. Best wishes to your family, Megan!

  • Thank you, Erica. I hope that others can have hope that God can save their marriages just like He saved mine!