Marriage Mistake #7 – Refused to Admit My Fault

Marriage Mistake 7When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I really had a hard time seeing my wrong behavior as . . . wrong. Or maybe it was just that I couldn’t bear to admit to myself that I was weak. I’d say, probably a little bit of both.
 Unfortunately, that meant that I rarely, if ever, admitted my fault to my husband. After all, it seemed to me that every conflict or problem we had was all his fault anyway! And even if it wasn’t, I usually felt like he handled the conflict so much worse that it canceled out any wrong doing I had done. Yuck! Grandiose thinking at its best!

As time marched on, the fact that I believed I was so much better than my husband actually began to make my marriage worse (surprise, surprise)! So at some point, I was forced to wake up to the unfamiliar reality that it couldn’t always be my husband’s fault. Talk about a bitter pill to swallow!

A funny thing happened when I cracked open that door. When I offered my husband an honest and humble admission, I felt him moving toward me. I saw that he accepted my brokenness and failure. He embraced the parts of me that I felt were ugly and should remain hidden.

This miracle transformed my perspective and my way of relating, which in turn, with time, transformed my marriage. I’m not afraid any longer to be completely open and vulnerable with my husband. Admitting my faults has given me the intimacy and acceptance with my husband that I always longed for, but felt could never truly be mine.

So I’m here to tell you, intimacy and acceptance is possible when you humble yourself and reveal who you really are.

If you’ve never really made this your practice—if you have remained in hiding—I challenge you to come out into the open today. Then come back here and tell me how it went!

“If you hide your sins, you will not succeed. If you confess and reject them, you will receive mercy.” Prov. 28:13 (NCV)

Photo by Lidal-K. (Flickr)

 

  • ataloss

    My wife has behaved this way for our entire marriage. Trying to explain it to her doesn’t help. I’m at a loss.
    Communication is key to solving problems, yet she quickly becomes
    emotional, defensive, angry, etc. whenever I try to workout
    misunderstandings. It’s as if I’m supposed to just suck it up and move
    on.

  • ataloss

    My wife has behaved this way for our entire marriage. Trying to explain it to her doesn’t help. I’m at a loss.
    Communication is key to solving problems, yet she quickly becomes
    emotional, defensive, angry, etc. whenever I try to workout
    misunderstandings. It’s as if I’m supposed to just suck it up and move
    on.

  • I’m so sorry, friend. I can tell you are really hurting. I hope that you find a good counselor who can support you and give you perspective as you walk through this difficult relationship. A counselor can guide you, not only in the best ways to communicate, but can help you to process your pain, as well as, many other strategies for learning to thrive in such a painful situation. I will certainly pray for you. God knows who you are and is with you in your pain.

  • messymarriage

    I’m so sorry, friend. I can tell you are really hurting. I hope that you find a good counselor who can support you and give you perspective as you walk through this difficult relationship. A counselor can guide you, not only in the best ways to communicate, but can help you to process your pain, as well as, many other strategies for learning to thrive in such a painful situation. I will certainly pray for you. God knows who you are and is with you in your pain.