Marriage Policy – Never Compete with Your Spouse

My husband and I have certain marriage policies that we keep in place in order to protect and enhance our marriage. One of those policies is to never compete with each other. Unfortunately, this wasn’t always the case. In fact, one of our first “competitions” took place while we were in college. We held a […]

Are You Accepting or Tolerating Your Spouse?

There’s a catch-22 in my life. I want to be patient and tolerant of my husband. Sounds all well and good, right? But if you think about it, the word “tolerant” tells you a little bit about where I’m going with this post. I’m sure my husband doesn’t really want to be “tolerated”—no matter how […]

Unfinished Business

When my husband and I packed up our bags for our honeymoon, we didn’t know we were bringing along a few invisible, but very toxic bags from our past. And I had the dubious distinction of having not only “mother issues,” but also “father issues” when we got married. So my husband was saddled with […]

What You Can Expect after Forgiving Your Spouse

If you’ve fully released the hurts and grievances that you have against your spouse to God (as mentioned in my previous post – 3 Steps to Release Yourself from Resentment), then I can promise that you will feel better. That’s because I’ve gone through the forgiveness process many, many times with a myriad of people […]

3 Steps to Release Yourself from Resentment

There’s a new Disney movie coming out called, “Tangled.” It’s based on the story of Rapunzel who was exiled to a high tower where no one could rescue her except a persistent and resourceful prince.  I feel like many times when we find ourselves in a messy marriage we become very much like Rapunzel. However, […]

Confessions of a Messy Mate

Welcome friends! Today I am launching my Messy Marriage blog! And I feel like the best way to start this blog off is to: Revisit the day I woke up to the reality of my messy attitude.  It started with a typical day for me. I was with my husband throwing complaints around the room […]

Marriage Mistake #7 – Refused to Admit My Fault

When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I really had a hard time seeing my wrong behavior as . . . wrong. Or maybe it was just that I couldn’t bear to admit to myself that I was weak. I’d say, probably a little bit of both.  Unfortunately, that meant that I rarely, […]

Marriage Mistake #6 – Turned to My Mom for Comfort

Early in my married life, I made a mistake that I feel is very common for many couples who find themselves in trouble. This is how it worked for me: My husband did something that I perceived to be wrong or hurtful. I turned to a parent, in my case, my mother to vent about […]

Marriage Mistake #5 – Negative Focus

Have you ever tried to tend a garden? If you don’t have the plastic weed barrier firmly in place, then you might as well resign yourself to a long-term battle with your finger on the trigger of Round-Up—aiming to kill.  In the same way that weeds can take over a flower garden, I allowed “weeds” […]

Conflict – How to Meet in the Middle

It’s not easy to meet in the middle. I’ve observed this from the many couples who’ve met with me in my counseling office. But most of all, I’ve experienced it in my own life as I’ve wrestled with my pride.  That’s just it—pride distorts our thinking. It makes us think we are better and, for […]