Resurrect Me from the Pull of My Desires And Linkup

Resurrect Me

In my new series—Resurrect Me—I want to explore all the ways you and I let addictions, compulsions and bad habits drag us back to the “grave” of our former selves (Rom. 7:22-25). This unbridled and relentless hunger can be especially destructive in marriage—making it so very messy and ugly.

There’s an important passage in James that really gets to the heartbeat of where I’d like to explore in this series. Consider this …

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” ~James 4:1-2

Sadly, one of the earliest and most obvious signs that my husband and I had a messy marriage back in the day was our propensity to fight. Now we didn’t have knock-down-drag-out fights (thank the Lord!), but we did have arguments that for all intents and purposes were hostile and ungodly. I am embarrassed to admit that our “discussions” often degenerated into yelling and berating one another. 🙁

[Tweet “We each wanted something like James so aptly pointed out. #James4:1-2 #stopthequarreling”]

Sometimes that “something” started out neutral or even good like respect, validation, honesty, unity, grace, etc. But then it morphed from wanting “something” like respect into demanding respect. Sometimes it went from wanting honesty to brutally saying a truth in a cruel or vicious way.

Our habit of allowing our “desires” to go unchecked turned into an adrenalin-fueled addiction to raking each other over the coals. In those moments, it began to feel not only “justified” but good, satisfying—dare I say it?—euphoric to pin each other to the wall whenever the tensions ran high. And it seemed the more we did this to each other, the more we began to run toward the “boxing ring”—not with physical blows but emotional undercuts that stung more deeply and left gaping wounds.

Thankfully, we learned to bring our addiction to arguing under the submission of the Lord. We still struggle with the temptation, but over time and through lots of humbling surrender and consistent work, through Christ we are free of that ugly addiction.

Now whenever we begin to argue or feel the pull of that temptation, we immediately surrender our “desires” to the Lord—turning the argument into a grace-filled discussion. Besides, once you begin to submit your desires to God, He gives you a whole new desire for what is good and right.

Now maybe arguing is not your “bad habit or addiction.” But according to the biblical author James . . .

[Tweet “Every addiction stems from trying to meet an unfulfilled desire in an illegitimate way.”]

Often when we talk of addictions, we think of drugs, alcohol, porn/sex or food addictions. Those are the biggies in our culture anyway. But I’d like to not just deal with the big four, but talk also about the subtle ones that sometimes start out with good intentions or purposes and go off the rails at some point.

I’m not exactly sure where God wants this series to go, though I do want James 4:1-10 to serve as our roadmap for where we will head in the weeks to come.

And I’d really love to have your feedback on . . .

What are the bad habits or even addictions (if you’re brave) that you’ve struggled with recently or in the past?


What are some of the “desires” within you that have fueled your hunger for what is unhealthy?

[Tweet “Christian bloggers, come join me for the Wedded Wednesday linkup! #messymarriage”]

If you’re interested, one of the bits of inspiration that drew my attention to this series was the song Resurrect Me by Jon Foreman. If you’re interested, check out this video of the song …

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, Coffee for Your Heart, Sitting Among Friends, Family, Friendship and Faith, DanceWithJesusFriday and Wholehearted Wednesday.

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Messy Marriage

  • Hey Beth! Thanks so much for hosting! It’s always a pleasure linking up with the Messy Marriage community! Woohoo!

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  • Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Great post, Beth!

    I suppose my worst habit has become silence…no longer really being a part of the World, I feel less and less like I have something to say, something that my wife would be interested in hearing. So I think about what I might say…and usually decide to just let it go.

    I mean, what’s the point…my life is not fast-paced, and I don’t know the current buzz of entertainment or technology, or even current slang. (For a long time I thought that the phrase, “He just KILLED that song!” was a fearfully bad criticism, and not praise.)

    The really bad thing i that it’s self-perpetuating, because when you don’t say anything for a long time the assumption by others is that you really DON’T have anything worth saying.

  • Bev @ Walking Well With God

    Having been in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for 25 years, what you described was our life. Usually the calm one, I soon learned how to be abrasive in self defense and retaliation. I don’t like that self I became and I’m having to unlearn those behaviors and tendencies. I have to consciously watch the tone of my voice. Being respected,, loved, and cherished, however, makes all the difference. Great advice here this am. Thank you for daring to go where others don’t.

  • Deborah Will

    Good morning Beth. Thanks for the linky. I can’t add anything other than food and you covered that.

  • Laura Lane

    I’ve had an addiction to soft drinks. I find that I cannot even have a sip or it goes out of control. I treat it like an alcoholic treats alcohol now. Not even a sip.

  • Mary Flaherty

    This is so good, Beth. Years ago I went through the painstaking process of “recovery” …mostly from co-dependency. Hubbles and I both had alcoholic fathers, and my first husband is an alcoholic. I brought a lot of junk into the first marriage, and then blamed everything on him when he couldn’t fix my hurts (but only made them worse with the drinking, hiding, lying, etc). I remember wanting to argue with him and he would fall asleep! I suppose the addictions that I had at that time were many that I didn’t even realize–whatever I could find to numb the pain–food, chocolate, shopping, attention—even church became out of control because I spent more time there–with people who loved and accepted and understood me–than I did at home. The marriage eventually ended and I married a wonderful man, but we both tend to retreat into our “stuff” when things get sticky. He remembers his mother as never being happy and always crying, so any time I cry, he wants to escape. It can be hard to break past our triggers and realized, “I’m not your mother/father/ex-spouse/other person who hurt you.” Oh, I could go on and on. Great topic. I’ve been away from linking up due to other obligations, but hope to keep up now.

  • Beth I know this will be an informative and helpful series. The addiction that came to mind was chocolate! I also like comfort. I’m enjoying the fact that our car now has dual climate control since my husband likes it blowing cold. 🙂 I’m sure your further posts will help me think deeper.

    • Years ago I dreamed of having warm air blowing on my side of the mini-van while my husband enjoyed the air conditioning. Thanks be to God that the car manufacturers finally caught up with my wishes!

  • Yup. I definitely self-medicate with food. Being aware of this helps, but even this is not the whole battle. It’s a daily, minute by minute fight for victory in the power of Christ.

  • Susan

    “Control” is an addiction gone wild. Amen? xo

  • Fear – I let it reign in my heart and my enemy knows it. Fear of failing, of not being enough, of not really being able to do what God has asked me to do the way He wants me to do it. So, so grateful that I have a God who has not instilled a spirit of fear – but one of love and discipline poured into me by His power. Sounds like a great series, Beth. Looking forward to reading on.

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  • My cry for attention, like I got from my late father had, many times, made me unnecessarily upset with my husband. Until God told me to stop look at my husband for attention but look to Him. Things have been quite different even though I fail sometimes.
    Thanks for this transparency Beth, I couldn’t do this earlier, had to spend time with a friend who lost her elder sister.
    Do have a super blessed weekend!

  • For me, it was control, not the out on the table in your face kind, but the under the radar kind. I tell wives that on the surface I looked submissive and easy to get along with, but my heart was sinful and unsubmitted. This looks like it will be a good series, Beth. Thanks for hosting and week-end blessings!

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