First Step to Confront with Grace – And Linkup

Last week I introduced the idea that “grace” is not only shown when we overlook an offense, or even when we hold our tongue and patiently pray for God to convict the other party, but it’s also shown when we confront our offender. But how can that be considered “grace”—to confront someone? Doesn’t that sound […]

How does listening heal when working toward reconciliation?

I’m answering in the form of a video an MM reader’s question today on the issue of listening to his wife’s pain when coming to the reconciliation table. Unfortunately, the process of reconciliation can be tough, even brutal for both parties. But it’s sort of like surgery. Whenever we need it, we submit ourselves to […]

How Successful is Your Reconciliation? And Link Up

There’s no easy answer to the question: What are the signs that reconciliation is not going to work? But … I would like to offer you Leslie Vernick’s three essential ingredients to a thriving relationship as a guide for assessing how well your reconciliation {particularly in marriage} is going. The first essential ingredient is … […]

The Secret to Lasting Change

Continuing in our forgiveness series, we’re going to look at the GIANT-sized task we have in replacing hurtful patterns and living out and staying committed to healthy ways of thinking and relating in the reconciliation process {particularly in the context of marriage}. This means we’ll be looking at this from the perspective of the one […]

How to Let Bitterness Go

Today I want to look at the difficulty of releasing any hurt or bitterness we feel due to the sins “someone we are trying to reconcile with” may continue to commit against us. I want to stress, this is for the person who has chosen to forgive an offending spouse, has emotionally and spiritually worked […]

When a Boundary Conversation Fails

Last week, I talked about a boundary conversation that was, for the most part, accepted by both parties. But what if you’ve confronted someone and he/she has dismissed or resisted your boundary conversation? What should you do then? First of all, there’s a difference between dismissing and resisting a boundary conversation. Normal Resistance Most people […]

How and When to Apologize

Today we’re continuing in our series on forgiveness and reconciliation by addressing how and when to apologize. Click the link, 6 Steps to Effective Boundary Conversations, to read the previous post in this series. After the first boundary conversation, let’s say it was accepted for the most part. In fact, this is the first of […]

6 Steps to Effective Boundary Conversations

Today I will be continuing in our series on forgiveness, addressing what is needed to communicate clear and effective boundaries when rebuilding a wounded relationship. Step 1 Determine if you both are ready for the boundary conversation. Look for clear evidence of a heart change in the other {not perfection, mind you!} before you make […]

The Support Needed to Trust Again

Reconciliation is about rebuilding trust because … [Tweet “Trust cannot be given like love or forgiveness. Trust must be earned. “] And trust is earned and established through respect and compliance with healthy boundaries and new ways of relating. So the first job for the two parties is to … Determine what you should require […]

How to Prepare for Reconciliation

Most broken relationships don’t have one offender and one victim who never swap roles. Most broken relationships involve two flawed and sinful humans who’ve hurt each other, sometimes deeply and often continuously. This is often especially true in marriage. And don’t forget that typically the people involved can’t see the extent to which they’ve hurt […]