Forgiving My Earthly Father

Last week I wrote about how my earthly “father issues” have negatively impacted my relationship with my husband, but with the emphasis being on my relationship with God. And I want to follow that up next time with how my father issues have impacted “my marriage.”  But this time around, I want to take the […]


Written by Heather Copple Messy Marriage Team Member All of us come with baggage—it’s just a fact. Well, one of my big steamer trunks of “baggage” contains my abandonment issues. I have such big issues with it that I also have another steamer trunk that holds my attachment problems. Abandonment and attachment problems do not […]

The Secret to Contentment

I remember the realization like it was yesterday. My husband and I were emerging out of a long, difficult period into a promising new venture. I was walking high and so excited for what this adventure might bring our way. I was determined and hopeful that this new pathway was going to usher in our […]

Falling Forward

Sometimes I let the doubts about who I am—messiness and all—get me down. I wonder, How can I ever lead others into healing and wholeness in marriage or life, if I don’t have it all together myself?   The reality is that very often I don’t feel qualified. I don’t feel capable. I don’t feel […]

Spouse Resistant to Counseling?

Last week, I responded to a question from a commenter regarding a spouse who’s resistant to going to marriage counseling. After breaking the question down into two concerns, today I’m addressing the second concern … What if you or your spouse had a bad experience with counseling, is counseling really necessary and helpful?  The short […]


Written by Heather Copple Messy Marriage Team Member Scott and I look at the world very differently for many reasons. Our gender, our childhoods and our personalities are the main reasons for those differences. Some of the differences bring out the best in each other and some don’t really do anything good or bad, but […]

Loving When Love Is Difficult

Recently, I had a commenter ask me this question: What if your husband won’t go to counseling because he did with his ex-wife and he feels there is nothing wrong with him and he won’t let you go? First of all, forcing your spouse to go to counseling is not wise, nor is trying to […]

Stress Less Holiday

One of the things I vividly remember from my childhood was how stressful the holidays were, especially for my mom. I think this is a common experience in many homes. The normal stressors of a messy or even not-so-messy marriage are multiplied by the amount of tasks (2x, 3x, 4x), the expenses ($5x, $6x, $7x), […]

Keep the Change!

Written by Stacey Micklevitz Messy Marriage Team Member How often do we hear friends lament that their spouses “have changed?” Such a complaint is common among those who are unhappy in their marriages or are heading toward divorce. The comment is often accompanied by “He/she is just not the same person he/she was when we […]

How to Defuse Anger – Part Two

In my last post, I shared that thinking you can control your spouse or “playing god” only increases anger and frustration. So if you release control to the one, true God, you’ll be able to lessen your anger. Today I want to discuss another internal problem with anger that’s very much related to the first. […]