Spouse Resistant to Counseling?

Last week, I responded to a question from a commenter regarding a spouse who’s resistant to going to marriage counseling. After breaking the question down into two concerns, today I’m addressing the second concern … What if you or your spouse had a bad experience with counseling, is counseling really necessary and helpful?  The short […]

Differences

Written by Heather Copple Messy Marriage Team Member Scott and I look at the world very differently for many reasons. Our gender, our childhoods and our personalities are the main reasons for those differences. Some of the differences bring out the best in each other and some don’t really do anything good or bad, but […]

Loving When Love Is Difficult

Recently, I had a commenter ask me this question: What if your husband won’t go to counseling because he did with his ex-wife and he feels there is nothing wrong with him and he won’t let you go? First of all, forcing your spouse to go to counseling is not wise, nor is trying to […]

Stress Less Holiday

One of the things I vividly remember from my childhood was how stressful the holidays were, especially for my mom. I think this is a common experience in many homes. The normal stressors of a messy or even not-so-messy marriage are multiplied by the amount of tasks (2x, 3x, 4x), the expenses ($5x, $6x, $7x), […]

Keep the Change!

Written by Stacey Micklevitz Messy Marriage Team Member How often do we hear friends lament that their spouses “have changed?” Such a complaint is common among those who are unhappy in their marriages or are heading toward divorce. The comment is often accompanied by “He/she is just not the same person he/she was when we […]

How to Defuse Anger – Part Two

In my last post, I shared that thinking you can control your spouse or “playing god” only increases anger and frustration. So if you release control to the one, true God, you’ll be able to lessen your anger. Today I want to discuss another internal problem with anger that’s very much related to the first. […]

Have You Really Forgiven Someone?

I often hear people say, “Oh, I forgave him/her.” But sometimes I doubt the truth or reality of their words. It’s not that I don’t think they’re being sincere. It’s just that I think many people believe that forgiveness is simply a decision and nothing more.  Here’s why I think there’s more forgiveness work to […]

I’m Merciful to Those Who Deserve It!

Ever feel like that? It might be among the top ten sentiments in a messy marriage. And it makes complete sense, when you’ve given your spouse chance after chance to redeem him or herself and all they’ve done is disappoint you. In the middle of a mess, it seems to be the only self-preserving thing […]

Marriage Mistake #8 – Let My Spouse’s Bad Behavior Control Mine

The Mistaken Game My husband and I have had a game that we carried from our childhood into our marriage. No, we don’t play “Ken and Barbie” into all hours of the night, nor do we hold “who can belch the loudest?” contests either! You see, it’s the age old game of “Tit for Tat.” […]

Are You Accepting or Tolerating Your Spouse?

There’s a catch-22 in my life. I want to be patient and tolerant of my husband. Sounds all well and good, right? But if you think about it, the word “tolerant” tells you a little bit about where I’m going with this post. I’m sure my husband doesn’t really want to be “tolerated”—no matter how […]