How to Defuse Anger – Part One

When dealing with anger in a marriage—messy or not—you can take an external approach and deal with communication techniques. Or you can take an internal approach and explore thoughts and feelings in an effort to do and think about what is right or best for the relationship. Both ways are important, but today I will […]

Have You Really Forgiven Someone?

I often hear people say, “Oh, I forgave him/her.” But sometimes I doubt the truth or reality of their words. It’s not that I don’t think they’re being sincere. It’s just that I think many people believe that forgiveness is simply a decision and nothing more.  Here’s why I think there’s more forgiveness work to […]

Two Ingredients of a Mess

What’s the main difference between someone who’s messy and someone who keeps his or her house in order? (Aside from those who can afford a housekeeper!) I think it’s that the organized or neat person is willing to face pain and do the hard work required to either avoid a mess or to clean it […]

I’m Merciful to Those Who Deserve It!

Ever feel like that? It might be among the top ten sentiments in a messy marriage. And it makes complete sense, when you’ve given your spouse chance after chance to redeem him or herself and all they’ve done is disappoint you. In the middle of a mess, it seems to be the only self-preserving thing […]

Four Emotions that Heat Up Conflict

Have you ever tried to take a hot cake out of the oven without potholders? That would be crazy, right? You’d probably not only drop the cake and ruin it, but you’d also burn your hands in the process. However, if you waited until the cake cooled down, it wouldn’t be a problem to handle […]

Marriage Mistake #4 – I Fought Fire with Fire

For years, my husband and I went ‘round and ‘round when it came to conflict. He would do something that would rattle my chain, and then all of a sudden he’d notice I was being extremely quiet. So he’d ask, “Is there something wrong, Beth?” I’d say, “No, I’m fine.” {Short for – “Feelings Inside […]