Are You Motivating or Manipulating Your Spouse?

Isn’t it always easier to see what our spouse needs to do than what we need to do?  I can easily get caught up in this problem, since I’m also a counselor and life-coach. I can diagnose an unhealthy attitude or action, and step in with my “trusty counselor’s voice” to bring my husband down […]

When Your Spouse is "The Problem"

Years ago I had this blind-spot in my life. I felt like I had no control over the pain I was experiencing—especially at the hands of my husband. I felt like a helpless victim tied to the proverbial train tracks while my husband was the locomotive, barreling down the tracks and aiming right at me! […]

How to Lessen the Pain of Change

Just the other day I was feeling gripey. I don’t know why. And as a woman, I reserve the right to have a gripey day or two every now and then! 😉 Unfortunately, my husband noticed. After 24 years of marriage, I definitely can’t pull one over on him! So I either snapped at him […]

The Secret to Contentment

I remember the realization like it was yesterday. My husband and I were emerging out of a long, difficult period into a promising new venture. I was walking high and so excited for what this adventure might bring our way. I was determined and hopeful that this new pathway was going to usher in our […]

Changing My Mind

I’ve been challenged in my thinking lately due to a book I’ve been reading and have referred to in many past posts, Forgiving and Reconciling by Everett Worthington. (Yes, I’m still reading it … and rereading it.) Silly me, I thought that I was simply going to learn about forgiveness and reconciliation from this book—a […]

Falling Forward

Sometimes I let the doubts about who I am—messiness and all—get me down. I wonder, How can I ever lead others into healing and wholeness in marriage or life, if I don’t have it all together myself?   The reality is that very often I don’t feel qualified. I don’t feel capable. I don’t feel […]

Loving When Love Is Difficult

Recently, I had a commenter ask me this question: What if your husband won’t go to counseling because he did with his ex-wife and he feels there is nothing wrong with him and he won’t let you go? First of all, forcing your spouse to go to counseling is not wise, nor is trying to […]

Do You Really Want to Get Well?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I like the perks that come with being sick. When you’re sick, you usually … Don’t have to do your daily responsibilities. Have someone to take care of your many needs. Are given more understanding and concern from those who are healthy. Can nestle down into some comfy […]

Caught in the Perfect Storm

Messes in marriage are very often like storms . . .  Let’s say that I’m feeling physically drained, but have a very long list of things I need to get done on a certain day. I may not have done anything “wrong” per se, but all the right ingredients are present to form a “cloud” […]