How and When to Apologize

Today we’re continuing in our series on forgiveness and reconciliation by addressing how and when to apologize. Click the link, 6 Steps to Effective Boundary Conversations, to read the previous post in this series. After the first boundary conversation, let’s say it was accepted for the most part. In fact, this is the first of […]

The Support Needed to Trust Again

Reconciliation is about rebuilding trust because … Trust cannot be given like love or forgiveness. Trust must be earned. Click To Tweet And trust is earned and established through respect and compliance with healthy boundaries and new ways of relating. So the first job for the two parties is to … Determine what you should […]

How Comparing Can be Good

Many are choosing “one word” to focus on in the new year and I’ve been prayerfully searching for what God might want mine to be. Oddly enough, I feel Him drawing my focus over and over to the word “compare.” At first glance, compare didn’t seem like a very inspiring choice to me. After all, […]

Desperate Marriage Myth #2 – People Cannot Change

Today we’re continuing on in our series, “Desperate Marriages” with the second common myth … People cannot change. Let’s use the example of a spouse getting caught in an affair. After you’ve threatened to divorce him, he straightens up and promises to cut all ties with the other woman. The false belief that “people cannot […]

Are You the Good Spouse?

You make sure to refrain from losing your cool in any and every argument …You pray about every decision and stay close to God …You maintain a forgiving spirit with your spouse …You do all the “right things” in life and marriage …You take responsibility when and where it’s needed …You avoid complaining and keep […]

Why Your Resolutions Aren’t Working

If you’re living in a messy marriage (and who isn’t to some degree or another?), you probably want change, at least for the better. Problem is, you might want that change to occur in your spouse rather than strapping the load to your own back. Mistake Number 1 – Expecting your marriage to get better […]

Is God at Work?

Lately God’s impressed upon me one important aspect of His M.O. (“mode of operation”—yes, I know … I watch too many crime shows and know the lingo all too well!) God is busy at work in our lives, but very often He is busy in the … Unseen, spiritual realm. Remembering this has encouraged me, […]

Repeating the Past?

Like it or not, humans are creatures of habit … by harminder dhesi photography Especially when we feel our habit is not “complete.” We like to resolve things, fix things, have a “happy ending,” if you will—clinging to them, like a dog to an old bone!  That’s why we end up being drawn into marriages […]

Y2Khaos

Written by Kimberly GreenMessy Marriage Team Member Rob Boudon December of 1999 found me in a local supermarket purchasing a significant amount of canned goods, gallons of water, boxes of powdered milk, and a significant supply of batteries. January 1st, 2000 at midnight, millions of computers all over the world would herald the apocalypse. We […]

Are You Motivating or Manipulating Your Spouse?

Isn’t it always easier to see what our spouse needs to do than what we need to do?  I can easily get caught up in this problem, since I’m also a counselor and life-coach. I can diagnose an unhealthy attitude or action, and step in with my “trusty counselor’s voice” to bring my husband down […]