The Secret to Lasting Change

Continuing in our forgiveness series, we’re going to look at the GIANT-sized task we have in replacing hurtful patterns and living out and staying committed to healthy ways of thinking and relating in the reconciliation process {particularly in the context of marriage}. This means we’ll be looking at this from the perspective of the one […]

How to Let Bitterness Go

Today I want to look at the difficulty of releasing any hurt or bitterness we feel due to the sins “someone we are trying to reconcile with” may continue to commit against us. I want to stress, this is for the person who has chosen to forgive an offending spouse, has emotionally and spiritually worked […]

One Attitude Keeping Us from Reoffending

Today in our forgiveness series I’m discussing, “How an offender can maintain perspective and humility, so that reoffending is avoided and diminished, and change is achieved.” I sometimes I don’t realize how my offending behavior hurts my spouse and seeing this is crucial to honoring his boundaries and avoiding reoffending him. Here are some reasons […]

Amends – What Do They Look Like?

I’m returning to our series on forgiveness this week by highlighting how to make amends, as well as, how to determine if the amends are being fulfilled. I’m taking much of what I’m going to discuss from Beyond Boundaries—a great book for anyone seeking to rebuild a damaged relationship and it’s currently bargain priced for […]

When a Boundary Conversation Fails

Last week, I talked about a boundary conversation that was, for the most part, accepted by both parties. But what if you’ve confronted someone and he/she has dismissed or resisted your boundary conversation? What should you do then? First of all, there’s a difference between dismissing and resisting a boundary conversation. Normal Resistance Most people […]

My Messy Life! Can You Relate?

I’m struggling and I don’t know where to begin to tell you exactly how or what variety of issues I’m facing. Thankfully, my marriage is not one of those issues at the moment. That said, please realize that we still have WAY far to go and have many messy moments that keep us humble and […]

How and When to Apologize

Today we’re continuing in our series on forgiveness and reconciliation by addressing how and when to apologize. Click the link, 6 Steps to Effective Boundary Conversations, to read the previous post in this series. After the first boundary conversation, let’s say it was accepted for the most part. In fact, this is the first of […]

The Support Needed to Trust Again

Reconciliation is about rebuilding trust because … [Tweet “Trust cannot be given like love or forgiveness. Trust must be earned. “] And trust is earned and established through respect and compliance with healthy boundaries and new ways of relating. So the first job for the two parties is to … Determine what you should require […]

How Comparing Can be Good

Many are choosing “one word” to focus on in the new year and I’ve been prayerfully searching for what God might want mine to be. Oddly enough, I feel Him drawing my focus over and over to the word “compare.” At first glance, compare didn’t seem like a very inspiring choice to me. After all, […]

Desperate Marriage Myth #2 – People Cannot Change

Today we’re continuing on in our series, “Desperate Marriages” with the second common myth … People cannot change. Let’s use the example of a spouse getting caught in an affair. After you’ve threatened to divorce him, he straightens up and promises to cut all ties with the other woman. The false belief that “people cannot […]