Drowning in Messy Feelings

One of the main reasons messy marriages get messy is because of messy feelings. When my husband, Gary, does something that hurts my feelings—I mean, really hurts my feelings—then my whole world can turn upside down in an instant. It’s like the man that I thought I loved, is now suddenly the man I can’t […]

A Small Tweak that Can Improve Your Marriage – Guaranteed!

About 30 days ago, I made a commitment with my husband to pray each day together. I have to admit that we didn’t quite make our goal. We probably missed about 5 or 6 times over the past month. But that actually turned out to be a good thing, because I noticed on the days […]

Caught in the Perfect Storm

Messes in marriage are very often like storms . . .  Let’s say that I’m feeling physically drained, but have a very long list of things I need to get done on a certain day. I may not have done anything “wrong” per se, but all the right ingredients are present to form a “cloud” […]

Are You in the Middle of the Story?

I just love a good mystery. As a kid, I certainly watched my share of Scooby Doo and his Mystery Machine. As an adult, I’m drawn to those forensic shows that solve some cold case mystery with a dozen or so bits of DNA. I also love searching for clues to my genealogy, because it […]

Mess-Maker #1 – My Marriage Should Make Me Happy

  This seems like a “no-brainer!” We should all want our marriages and spouses to make us happy. Only a masochist or crazy person wouldn’t want his/her marriage to produce happiness, right? Don’t get me wrong! I completely agree that it’s a wonderful thing when happiness happens. Where I have trouble with this concept is in the “expectation” that it should make us happy. That’s […]

Stuck in a Rut?

  If your marriage is like mine, you sometimes get stuck in a rut. Things may go along fairly smoothly for months or even years, but then you hit a pothole and get stuck. When you’re in that rut, it might seem like you’re constantly irritated with each other—or irritated with life, but you take […]

Have You Really Forgiven Someone?

I often hear people say, “Oh, I forgave him/her.” But sometimes I doubt the truth or reality of their words. It’s not that I don’t think they’re being sincere. It’s just that I think many people believe that forgiveness is simply a decision and nothing more.  Here’s why I think there’s more forgiveness work to […]

Two Ingredients of a Mess

What’s the main difference between someone who’s messy and someone who keeps his or her house in order? (Aside from those who can afford a housekeeper!) I think it’s that the organized or neat person is willing to face pain and do the hard work required to either avoid a mess or to clean it […]

Marriage Mistake #8 – Let My Spouse’s Bad Behavior Control Mine

The Mistaken Game My husband and I have had a game that we carried from our childhood into our marriage. No, we don’t play “Ken and Barbie” into all hours of the night, nor do we hold “who can belch the loudest?” contests either! You see, it’s the age old game of “Tit for Tat.” […]

Are You Wonder Wife or Super Hubby?

I don’t think many people will debate me on this, but I really think that there are about as many neat freaks in the world as there are slobs. However, I have another theory that many might not agree with so easily. I don’t think we can apply that principle to messiness in marriage. In […]