When Your ‘Love Style’ is a Pleaser And FMTM

Since I mentioned that my love style* is an “Avoider” in last week’s post, I got so much positive feedback, that I want to unpack another love style—the “Pleaser”—in today’s post. I’ll continue unpacking the rest of the “love styles”—“Vacillator,” “Controller,” and “Victim” in the weeks to come. So stick around! I am, by default, […]

Why I’m an ‘Avoider’ in My Marriage and FMTM

I’m what’s referred to as an “Avoider” in my “love-style.” I’ve also got a dash of “Vacillator” and a pinch of “Pleaser” in me as well. Even though it might sound like it, I’m not talking about a tasty autumn soup. 😉 What I’m referring to are some of the “love-styles” that are developed from“imprints” […]

How Chronic Illness Impacted My Marriage

Crossing the threshold in my husband’s arms on our wedding day might’ve been the first of many thresholds in our marriage, but the others haven’t always been as fun or whimsical—like when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. When I was only 30 I began to manifest the symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis, even though […]

Messy Marriage’s 6th Blog-iversary and Giveaway! FMTM

It’s hard to believe, but it’s been six years as of 10-10-16 that Messy Marriage has been chugging away out there in cyberspace. And I surely would’ve thought I’d be in a much more celebratory mood on this special occasion. But the past two and a half weeks have colored my emotions in a dark […]

How to Tell if it’s Peace OR Relief You’re Pursuing FMTM

One of the most important lessons I learned in marriage was figuring out the difference between peace and relief. They seem so similar—like kissing cousins. And in some ways they are related. But I’ve discovered in my 29 years of marriage that . . . When I pursue relief without pursuing God’s peace, I’m asking […]

Encourage Conversation with Disengaged Spouse FMTM

Even though my hubby’s more of an extrovert than I am, he still struggles to fully engage in a deep conversation with me. That’s because it’s easy for an extrovert to remain on the surface. Oh sure, they love to talk! They’re ever scanning a crowd for an opportunity to strike up a conversation, especially […]

Discussing Sticky Issues with Your Mate Without Getting Stuck

If you’re like me, you’ve often let your mouth fly wide open to reveal the manipulative and prideful intentions behind an effort “to discuss” a sticky issue. Ugh! You’re thinking that your words will bring clarity and understanding for your mate (cue the sound of angels singing from heaven). But all you really offered your […]

How to Find Hope with a Perfectionist Spouse

Have you ever felt like your spouse is a perfectionist? Maybe a little too critical and “problem-solving” in moments where you’d like to simply be heard, cheered on or comforted? [Tweet “Well, I’ve been there (with my mate) and I’ve done that (to my mate). #perfectionisticmate”] One of the double-edge gifts that God has given […]

Is Your Love for Your Mate Failing?

Persevering in life and in certain painful seasons of marriage can feel so very overwhelming and discouraging, especially when the pain lingers for an extended time. We can feel helpless and confused about what to do next. Even worse we can feel like we have nothing left to give, nor want to give—perhaps because we […]

Lessons on Love in Marriage

I’ve yet to attend a wedding where the 1 Corinthians 13 passage on “love” was not quoted by some well-meaning clergyman in a wedding. Unfortunately . . . [Tweet “The overuse of this passage has made these powerful truths ring hollow and cliché. 1 Cor. 13”] But if we scrutinize and take the truths explained […]