How can I cope? SJT Video on resistance to wounds

This follow up Sloppy Joe Time video continues to address what to do when your spouse resists looking at his/her wounds. Last week’s video unpacked the first two suggestions and today’s video gives two more vital steps in the effort to “cope.” The emphasis is on creating a safe zone for your wounded spouse to […]

4 Year Blogaversary, Giveaways and Linkup!

I can’t believe it’s been four years since I launched Messy Marriage way back in October of 2010. Since then, much has happened in my life and in the life of this blog, but one thing has remained constant … my personal pursuit of a surrendered heart to God. That’s because I know a surrendered […]

The Support Needed to Trust Again

Reconciliation is about rebuilding trust because … Trust cannot be given like love or forgiveness. Trust must be earned. Click To Tweet And trust is earned and established through respect and compliance with healthy boundaries and new ways of relating. So the first job for the two parties is to … Determine what you should […]

When Your Spouse is Depressed

Written by MM Team Member (and my hubby!) – Gary Steffaniak     If you’ve never been depressed, you cannot understand how depression feels or how hard it is to overcome. And I’m not talking about just having a bad day here and there. One friend who struggles with depression told me that when he’s […]

10 Things Going to Counseling Says about You

Back in September I asked you, our MM readers, to complete a survey that would tell me a bit more about you. One of the things the survey seemed to indicate was that the majority (89.4%) of you are currently not seeing a counselor for marriage or personal issues (which could be a good or […]

Desperate Marriage Myth #4 – Hopeless Situation

Today we’re looking at the last of the myths, Myth #4 – Some situations are hopeless and my situation is one of these. When people are in a desperate situation where positive change seems impossible or at least a distant memory, they tend to take on a victim mentality. With a victim mentality, you begin […]

10 Not-So-Helpful Things to Do for My Spouse

  Recently I wrote a post about the subject of helping my husband. You can refer to it here, if you’d like. But the idea got me to thinking … there are lots of ways I can help my husband but … There are also a lot of ways that I think I’m helping my […]

How I Help My Husband … In His View

Today we are joining “Marriage Monday” to discuss the topic of  “helping our husbands” as referenced in Gen. 2:18.  I chose to interview the one I help, my husband, Gary.  Check out what he has to say on the subject …   What do you think God means when he created me to be your […]

Letting a Busy Schedule Come before Your Marriage?

This has been an incredibly busy month for me, and it’s only the 17th of October! What will the rest of the month look like? And with all this busyness, I’m reminded of one very important aspect of my marriage … my husband! Now, I have to say that October has been a really busy […]

In Search of Self

As a counselor, I often find myself working with women who have a hard time “finding their voice.” By that I mean, they find it hard to identify their feelings, know their needs and assert their feelings and needs in a constructive way within a relationship. When this problem becomes entrenched, you may feel as […]