Victim Love Style in Marriage And FMTM Linkup

Here at Messy Marriage, I’ve talked about a “Victim Mentality” a lot over the years, but this isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about today. A victim mentality can develop in any person’s life regardless of their love style. A victim mentality is a fixation on a real or supposed victimizer in one’s life, feeling helpless […]

The Controller Love Style And FMTM Linkup

With Thanksgiving in the U.S. a day away, it seems appropriate to discuss the many shades of a Controller “love style!” We wouldn’t be able to get through a true Thanksgiving meal or celebration without the “Control Freak” in somebody rising to the surface like a tasty batch of homemade rolls  . . . minus […]

Vacillator ‘Love Style’ in Marriage Plus FMTM Linkup

Should I post on the Vacillator today, or not? Um, sure . . . I think I will! No, wait a minute . . . definitely not! Well . . . maybe I should! Just a little sarcasm to get this “love style” train chugging down or perhaps backing up along the proverbial track! My […]

Validation Brings Healing And Linkup

There’s a common thread that flows through most triggers and the wounds of our pasts. That thread can be found in the extremes. We feel extreme pain or emotion whenever we’ve been triggered. Or We go to an extreme on a continuum—into parenting mode or child/teenager mode—when we’ve been triggered. If we can remain in […]

Finding Healing for Your Wounds And Linkup

Today I’m continuing the series on the wounds of our past by focusing on how to bring healing to those wounds through a new spiritual and relational focus. This means delving a bit deeper into what must be done in tandem with any ongoing prayer/processing of wounds (that I’ve shared in past posts). I believe […]

Taming Triggers in Your Marriage and Life Plus WW Linkup

You’d think that after almost 29 years of marriage, my hubby and I would have tamed all of the “beasts” that arise from the moments when our wounds are triggered … but you would be wrong! 😉 I think it’s sort of like the apostle Paul’s “thorn” that God did not remove from his life […]

The Toxic Tango of Triggers And WW Linkup

Today I’m continuing to unpack more in our series about the wounds of our pasts by sharing another one of my triggers, as well as how that impacts and often serves to trigger my husband in a certain way. I’m sharing this because … We most often experience our triggers in the closeness and confinement […]

The Childhood Wound of Neglect And WW Linkup

I’ve been a bit surprised by the amount of interest in this series on the wounds of our past, but definitely not shocked. I think this is an area that many couples struggle with and can relate to—realizing it brings with it much messiness and misery in marriage. The first step I want to take […]

New Series on Wounds of the Past and Linkup

Lately, it seems like God is dealing with me through all sorts of sources on the need to deal with old wounds that trigger me and my hubby in our marriage. It’s like everywhere I turn the subject turns to old wounds … From my Men and Openness Survey results (see post here on how […]

What Distorts and Damages Men’s Openness? And Linkup

I’m picking up where we left off from the “Men and Openness Survey” series by unpacking question number 4 from the survey … What outside sources have been hindrances to you opening up and sharing your feelings with your wife? (I let the men choose all that applied.) 55.56% – The poor example I saw […]