Trophy Wife

SmallWritten by Stacey Micklevitz
Messy Marriage Team Writer

I was recently pondering the concept of a Trophy Wife. Naturally, Donald Trump came to mind (though, let me be clear that I don’t see him as a “trophy husband”—he’s fooling NO one with that hair!). I am convinced that he is the poster child for all men who trade their current wives for someone younger, thinner, and—to be brutally honest—better looking (artificial as they may be).

Donald Trump & Melania

I’ve often joked with my husband, Bryan that his trophy wife is ME. Although I am his first (and LAST!!) wife, he has never argued with the statement that I am his trophy wife.

But, deep down inside, I do.

You see, I’m 5 years his senior. While that was no surprise to us when we married, the changes I see in the mirror daily remind me that I’m hitting the place in life where wives seemingly make the transition from vibrant, youthful, cover-girl gal-pals in their prime to (a-hem) middle-aged, set-in-their-ways, hormonal, child-rearers whose bodies are migrating south forEVER.

How do I keep this from affecting our marriage relationship? How do I REMAIN Bryan’s trophy wife??

Firstly, I must remember that my self-worth is not defined by things of this world.

1 Peter 3:3-4 say, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Then, I must focus on what IS important.

Proverbs 31:10 says, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” There’s some motivation to look inward!!

I try to exaggerate qualities that Bryan finds attractive in a wife. Here are a few qualities the Bible mentions that are important for a wife to possess in marriage: avoid quarreling (Proverbs 21:9) and be gracious (Proverbs 11:16) and be submissive (Ephesians 5:22-23).

These can be difficult for me. I stress the need for Jesus in my life to put my selfish desires aside and act on Bryan’s behalf rather than what comes easily for me.

Bryan likes when I’m spontaneous (NOT easy!), when I cook his favorite meals or indulge in his favorite activities (which are not always my first choice), and when I spend time taking the kiddos to the park or staffing a lemonade stand (life is so busy!).

Oddly, though Bryan appreciates my homemaking skills—aka obsessive cleaning and organizing (my FAVORITE activities)—they are not the first qualities he looks for in his wife. So, I strive in ways that HE desires to make home a place HE WANTS to be.

In the end, he knows the effort I exert to attempt to go above and beyond his expectations of me. SOMETIMES, I even achieve those goals.

The icing on the cake is when I actually feel appreciated by, adored by, AND attractive to my husband as his “trophy wife.”  The times when I KNOW that he is proud to be with me and to be seen with me—HIS TROPHY WIFE—are some of the best moments in my life.

What has your spouse done to make you feel loved and valued in spite of any flaws or limitations you may have? 

What can you do to show love to your spouse in a way they might appreciate more?

Photo by Boss Tweed

*********

Linking up with – NOBH, Momma Notes, Marriage Moments Monday, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Living Proverbs 31, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday’s

  • Thank you for sharing such affirming scriptures, and for being candid. For sure, it’s not easy putting aside those things we value the most and focus on what is of most value to our spouse!

    I know the way to experience Robert’s appreciation – he’s very much an “achiever”, a “doer”. When I get things done, either in our business or in our home life, then he feels good. Fortunately he’s also wise in that he doesn’t expect me to “do” the way he does… I regularly feel valued by him because he notices my unique ways of achieving a goal. It becomes a “win” “win” for both of us!

    • Stacey

      Lori, I appreciate that your “win win” situation achieves goals despite different approaches. That specific issue used to be difficult for me (somewhat of a control freak – lol) but I’ve learned to relax and embrace that many goals can be achieved a number of different ways! Thanks for your encouragement!! 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing such affirming scriptures, and for being candid. For sure, it’s not easy putting aside those things we value the most and focus on what is of most value to our spouse!

    I know the way to experience Robert’s appreciation – he’s very much an “achiever”, a “doer”. When I get things done, either in our business or in our home life, then he feels good. Fortunately he’s also wise in that he doesn’t expect me to “do” the way he does… I regularly feel valued by him because he notices my unique ways of achieving a goal. It becomes a “win” “win” for both of us!

  • Mia

    Dear Stacey
    I have an uncle and aunt where she is thirteen years older than her husband, but you still cannot see it. She is a petite German lady with ageless beauty. Well, you seem to be such an ageless beauty for you know where true beauty comes from. Just remember, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, and in your case, it is your Hubbie.
    Blessings
    Mia

    • Stacey

      Mia, thank you so much for the encouragement and your kind words!! Knowing about your uncle and aunt is inspiring. I am eternally grateful that God tells us to look inward rather than outward for true beauty. Though I still hope to age gracefully, I know that true GRACE is the source of all that I can give to Bryan. Thanks agan. 🙂

  • Mia

    Dear Stacey
    I have an uncle and aunt where she is thirteen years older than her husband, but you still cannot see it. She is a petite German lady with ageless beauty. Well, you seem to be such an ageless beauty for you know where true beauty comes from. Just remember, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, and in your case, it is your Hubbie.
    Blessings
    Mia

  • Stacey

    Lori, I appreciate that your “win win” situation achieves goals despite different approaches. That specific issue used to be difficult for me (somewhat of a control freak – lol) but I’ve learned to relax and embrace that many goals can be achieved a number of different ways! Thanks for your encouragement!! 🙂

  • Stacey

    Mia, thank you so much for the encouragement and your kind words!! Knowing about your uncle and aunt is inspiring. I am eternally grateful that God tells us to look inward rather than outward for true beauty. Though I still hope to age gracefully, I know that true GRACE is the source of all that I can give to Bryan. Thanks agan. 🙂

  • Great article, Stacey, even though I felt very uncomfortable reading it because I am also older than my husband. And I’m also feeling that aging thing. I don’t feel like much of a trophy wife anymore, even though it’s never from anything my husband says, but I have a mirror so I know what’s happening. ha.

    But you give great advice that we should exaggerate the qualities that our spouses like–not what WE think are great–and focus on those. While I think it’s so important that I keep the clothes washed and the floors swept, he’d much rather me be rested at the end of the day and give him all my attention than be worn out from keeping the house spic and span. Thanks for sharing this!

    • Stacey

      So sorry to cause you discomfort, Lisa – lol! But, we “cougar trophy wives” must unite! I am encouraged to know that I’m not alone in this unusual match-up. Though, I recently heard a statistic that the most compatible age for relationships was a 4yr difference with the HUSBAND as the older spouse, and marriages with OLDER wives were least likely to succeed, I am determined to be an exception to that unscientific rule. Like you, I place a ton of importance on housekeeping (partly because I like it and it provides immediate results), but I get the most praise from my husband for being available for him and the family in the evenings and for being involved in fun/memory making activities with the kiddos. Certainly, this whole marriage thing is a learning process for me. Thanks for your support and comments! 🙂

  • Great article, Stacey, even though I felt very uncomfortable reading it because I am also older than my husband. And I’m also feeling that aging thing. I don’t feel like much of a trophy wife anymore, even though it’s never from anything my husband says, but I have a mirror so I know what’s happening. ha.

    But you give great advice that we should exaggerate the qualities that our spouses like–not what WE think are great–and focus on those. While I think it’s so important that I keep the clothes washed and the floors swept, he’d much rather me be rested at the end of the day and give him all my attention than be worn out from keeping the house spic and span. Thanks for sharing this!

  • Stacey

    So sorry to cause you discomfort, Lisa – lol! But, we “cougar trophy wives” must unite! I am encouraged to know that I’m not alone in this unusual match-up. Though, I recently heard a statistic that the most compatible age for relationships was a 4yr difference with the HUSBAND as the older spouse, and marriages with OLDER wives were least likely to succeed, I am determined to be an exception to that unscientific rule. Like you, I place a ton of importance on housekeeping (partly because I like it and it provides immediate results), but I get the most praise from my husband for being available for him and the family in the evenings and for being involved in fun/memory making activities with the kiddos. Certainly, this whole marriage thing is a learning process for me. Thanks for your support and comments! 🙂

  • Oh, Stacey! I promise you don’t look a day over 4 years older than Bry! haha! No, really, you are an enduring beauty and I’m certain you will age gracefully–as you’ve already proven by your willingness to give to Bryan what he likes and desires. That’s a great encouragement to all of us. I know I don’t always use that gauge to see if I’m loving my husband well, so I’m grateful for the gentle nudge in the right direction. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be Gary’s “Trophy Wife!” 🙂

    • Stacey

      Gee, thanks for the compliment, friend! I think…. 😉
      Well, I did note that I SOMETIMES accomplish the goal of putting his needs, likes, and desires ahead of mine. But, it’s definitely something to strive for, and the perspective alone is helpful. Thanks again for giving me an outlet for my writings. Love you!! 🙂

  • Stacey

    Gee, thanks for the compliment, friend! I think…. 😉
    Well, I did note that I SOMETIMES accomplish the goal of putting his needs, likes, and desires ahead of mine. But, it’s definitely something to strive for, and the perspective alone is helpful. Thanks again for giving me an outlet for my writings. Love you!! 🙂

  • Stacey I had a good laugh reading through this post, you are so funny!

    Thanks for this reminder today. My husband appreciates our relaxed time together, while am the activities gal who has a zillion and one things going on. He appreciates my energy but personal relaxed times means much more to him! It comes down to serving and loving him the way he likes, not the way i like 🙂 Thanks for these thoughts today!

    • Stacey

      I’m so glad I made you laugh, Ngina! 🙂 That’s an added bonus. Like your husband, my Bryan relishes a quiet night with the family (if there IS such a thing with two young boys) after a long day’s work. I’m grateful for your comments!!

  • Stacey I had a good laugh reading through this post, you are so funny!

    Thanks for this reminder today. My husband appreciates our relaxed time together, while am the activities gal who has a zillion and one things going on. He appreciates my energy but personal relaxed times means much more to him! It comes down to serving and loving him the way he likes, not the way i like 🙂 Thanks for these thoughts today!

  • Heather C.

    Great post, Stacey!

    • Stacey

      Thanks Heather!! 🙂

  • Heather C.

    Great post, Stacey!

  • Stacey

    Thanks Heather!! 🙂

  • Stacey

    I’m so glad I made you laugh, Ngina! 🙂 That’s an added bonus. Like your husband, my Bryan relishes a quiet night with the family (if there IS such a thing with two young boys) after a long day’s work. I’m grateful for your comments!!

  • MotheringFromScratch

    {Melinda} He did laundry for me today! Acts of Service speak love to me. 🙂

    • Stacey

      Wow – Melinda! He MUST love you! 😉 Thanks for sharing.

  • MotheringFromScratch

    {Melinda} He did laundry for me today! Acts of Service speak love to me. 🙂

  • Stacey

    Wow – Melinda! He MUST love you! 😉 Thanks for sharing.

  • (smile) I always tell my husband I’m his trophy wife too. These are all such good things to remember when I get caught up in that fear of aging. Growing old together is a beautiful thing.

  • (smile) I always tell my husband I’m his trophy wife too. These are all such good things to remember when I get caught up in that fear of aging. Growing old together is a beautiful thing.

  • Nan

    I had no idea that we shared a love for cleaning and organization! No wonder we get along so well, lol!

    My husband always makes me feel beautiful and appreciated! He never fails to thank me for dinner and tells me it’s delicious, and when the kids were little he insisted that they do the same.

    Even now, in their 20’s my boys still always thank me for dinner and say it was good/delicious (and their dad does still too).

    Our oldest is getting married soon and I am pretty sure that he will continue that practice with his wife! Thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party! 🙂

  • Nan

    I had no idea that we shared a love for cleaning and organization! No wonder we get along so well, lol!

    My husband always makes me feel beautiful and appreciated! He never fails to thank me for dinner and tells me it’s delicious, and when the kids were little he insisted that they do the same.

    Even now, in their 20’s my boys still always thank me for dinner and say it was good/delicious (and their dad does still too).

    Our oldest is getting married soon and I am pretty sure that he will continue that practice with his wife! Thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party! 🙂

  • Mia

    What makes my husband my trophy husband is that loving kiss on my head just because!!! Thai makes me feel SO special.
    Hugs XX
    Mia