What Are You Trying to Redo?

Racing Pigeon Pilates

Ever wonder why you do the things you do?

As human beings, everything we do is for a reason. Since God created us with such complexity, there may be a variety of reasons at play. But one of the important sources for all that we do is called the “Homing Instinct.”

In today’s electronic world, you may not have heard of an age-old method of relaying messages with “homing pigeons.” A homing pigeon would go to some far away location with a message tied to his leg, only to return to the familiar over and over again.

We do that. We return to the familiar. But very often the familiar we are most drawn to is similar to the painful situations or relationships we had in our childhoods. So we drum up situations or gravitate toward people and situations that remind us of that pain in an effort to “redo” it correctly this time around. The faces and places may be different, but the situations and problems are still the same.

The problem with this tendency is that unless we are doing things, not just differently, but better and healthier, then we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes that were in the original situation. We can continue this cycle of redoing over and over and over again ad nauseam and never realize that we are simply spinning our wheels. 

If this sounds vaguely familiar, then ask yourself questions like these:
  • What negative patterns am I repeating in my life?
  • Do I usually end up doing too much for others?
  • Do I gravitate toward people who can’t be intimate or let me in or vice versa?
  • Do I try to fill a void with an unhealthy addiction or distraction?
  • Do I lose my temper or argue like my parents did?
  • Do I expect perfection of myself and/or others?

The list could go on. Just take some time to evaluate your life and relationships. Wherever you’re having problems will be the best place to start your search.

Once you’ve identified the problem patterns, determine which one you are willing to work on first. Then choose a good, Christian book to address that particular issue and commit to the changes the book recommends.

A good book to start with is Love is a Choice. But if you want something more specific to your issue, but have trouble determining which book to choose, then send me an email (address found at the contact page) and I’ll see what else I can recommend to you personally.

Our time on this earth is short, so don’t let another day go by repeating the failures of the past!
photo credit by ingridtaylar (Flickr
Today’s Post is Linked to –
  
JourneyTowardsEpiphany
  • Tara_pohlkottepress

    such great advice as always…and I really like that you stress looking at “one” first. So many times, I look at a whole list of things and it can be overwhelming. I can do one 🙂

  • messymarriage

    Yeah, that’s the temptation–to take on too much and then you end up getting discouraged and end up worse than before you began. Thanks so much for stopping by. I really appreciate your support and encouragement, Tara! 🙂

  • Alicia Bruxvoort

    Love your advice here and am smiling at your recommendation for Love is a Choice. I still remembering lying in my backyard as a young and dreamy 20 year old and reading that book before my wedding. So thankful for the woman who put it in my hands and for the foundation it provided from the start. Love your theme of hope and transformation in these pages. Blessings from Iowa!

  • messymarriage

    Yeah, it’s an oldie but a goodie. I’ve been searching for something that is as comprehensive as Love is a Choice, but haven’t found it yet. I’m checking out “Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves” now, but haven’t gotten far enough into it to see how it compares. I’ve led so many groups over the years on Love is a Choice , so I’ve seen how it can change lives.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and encouraging me, Alicia!

  • It’s just so comfortable to return to the familiar. But I’ve been doing the opposite lately. I’ve been visiting different churches the past several weeks, and it takes so much more effort, but so far it’s been a blessing.

  • messymarriage

    That’s great, Lisa. My husband and I do that every once in a while too and really enjoy learning from how others worship. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  • It is important to try not to repeat the same mistakes, but oh His mercy is new every morning.

  • Kimberly

    Oh, Beth! “Like a dog returns to it’s vomit, so a fool returns to it’s folly”. I HAVE BEEN THAT FOOL DOG a few times over. I am being faced with the opportunity to put balancing forgiveness and boundaries into action. (My mother is visiting tomorrow) . Please pray for me that I don’t just fall into the comfortable habit of being the lost child doormat, but that I can also be kind.
    Thanks Sistah!

  • messymarriage

    Oh wow, Kimberly! This is a big weekend for you. I will certainly pray that like that “fool dog” (That’s such a powerful verse), you make a different, healthier choice. It’s oh-so-hard to do that when the pattern has been in place for decades. I will certainly pray for you that God gives you the strength this time around. Thanks for coming by to share your insights. Always a blessing!

  • messymarriage

    Without God’s strength and guidance, none of us would have a chance at breaking the old familiar patterns we cling to! Thanks for stopping by and weighing in, Kimberly!

  • I do think it is interesting how we return to where we feel comfortable, especially in situations that challenge or make us feel insecure. Like when Peter went back to fishing when things weren’t going so well.

  • Emily Wierenga

    i love how your posts make me a better person.

  • messymarriage

    That’s exactly what I hope it does for everyone, Emily! After all, I’m only sharing what has helped make me a better person. 🙂 Thanks so much for your continued encouragement!

  • Kimberly

    Ironically, she BROUGHT a dog. Who invites themselves to someone’s home for a visit and neglects to inform their host that they are bringing an animal with them? One guess who. A good visit from the standpoint of gaining insight and not being angry. She is starting (yet another) new life. I can just laugh, wish her the best, and not personalize anything. That is the accomplishment. Thanks for your prayers!

  • messymarriage

    That is sooo funny, Kimberly! You didn’t know you were being prophetic about your mom’s visit, did you?! I hope everyone got along with the “dog” while she visited (I’m really not being sarcastic here–although it may sound like it!), and so glad you made it through with that great accomplishment as well! Hugs*