When My Love Isn’t Enough

“…I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 
Ephesians 3:17b-19 (NIV)

I can’t tell you when it happened, but at some point early in my marriage, I discovered that I did not love my husband.
  • It wasn’t a matter of Gary being un-love-able.
  • It wasn’t a matter of me not having enough willpower.
  • It wasn’t a matter of falling in love with someone else.
  • It wasn’t a matter of the two of us growing apart.
  • It wasn’t a matter of not doing enough loving actions toward each other.

It was because I could not really love Gary … on my own.

I could not really love anyone, for that matter … on my own.

Oneonta Gorge The apostle Paul’s prayer above describes the way God’s love enables us to love in a way that fills the gaps—the deep and wide chasm’s that fracture the bedrock of our human love.

I didn’t understand this truth when I was young. I thought it was all up to me to bridge that gap with my husband. But once I was able to give up my visions of grandeur—that my perfect human love would never grow weary or tired of my handsome, flawless husband—I was able to truly love my husband in ways I’d never been able to before.

It was no longer “my love” being expressed to my husband, but God’s love through me.

I’m not saying that this kind of love is easy to express. It can be gut-wrenchingly hard. That’s because it involves dying to our own desires—dying to self. But the moment I finally surrender to Christ and rely on His love to flow through me to my husband, then deep, true love becomes possible.  

It fills the huge human gap—with the fullness of God.

Are you surrendering your feeble human attempts to love your spouse to Christ? 

If not, don’t waste another minute trying to love your spouse in your own strength today! Christ is always ready to fill the gaps and give you a love that is enduring and complete.

Photo by McD22 (Flickr)

Today’s Post is Linked to – 
Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters


  1. Thank You for your transparency! We had a wedding picture in our bedroom framed with that same passage on it. I remember a particularly rough patch in my marriage where I my husband and I were on different planets, neither of us “felt” appreciated, being intimate felt like a chore… I was sitting on my bed and read that the scripture and was confronted with the concept of “how long, how wide, how high, how deep”, the love of Christ truly must be. I realized I hadn’t truly even begun to love my husband, and I wanted to KNOW this love that surpasses knowledge and one day be FILLED to the measure of ALL the FULLNESS of God. I still have a loooooong way to go. It really is comforting to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with these emotions. Thanks Again!

  2. Thank you for the reminder. I needed it today.

  3. messymarriage says:

    Thanks for stopping by and saying! 🙂

  4. messymarriage says:

    What would we do without God to give us the fullness of love that we need, Kimberly? Get divorced? Yeah, probably! But thankfully we can say that God saved not only our lives but our marriages! Thanks for the kind words!

  5. this is convicting. thank you.


  6. messymarriage says:

    Thanks, Carissa, for stopping by and for hosting Miscellany Monday!

  7. So true!

  8. Your words sink deep….again. I am going to share a link to this blog to my women’s group.

  9. messymarriage says:

    Thanks, Becky! I really appreciate your support!

  10. messymarriage says:

    Thanks for your encouragement and sharing about Messy Marriage, Shannon. It means a lot!

  11. “It was no longer “my love” being expressed to my husband, but God’s love through me.”

    I loved this. It is so very, very true!

    I’m enjoying surfing around your blog!