Whole People

February’s “Share Your Story” is by
Nancy Parker who is a professional nanny. She loves to write about a wide range of subjects like; health, parenting, childcare and babysitting.
You can find her website at enannysource.com

Going into a marriage solely based on the fact that both partners are Christians is not enough

I know this from experience and much heartache.

When I got married 22 years ago, my then fiancé and I went to pre-marital counseling with our pastor. He gave us a compatibility test to take home and fill out individually. We returned the tests to our pastor and on our next visit he shared the results.

He had a grave look on his face as he told us that the only thing we had in common was our faith in Christ.

He was adamant that we seriously needed to consider our differences before we got married. We looked at him and, as we held each other’s hand, said that with Christ we could make it work. Now, I do believe that is the truth, after all, our Lord said that very thing to us in His word. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 (NAS)

Yes, it is possible, but at the same time you’re setting yourself up for a long, hard road ahead. When that pastor said we had nothing in common, he was not kidding! Those tests were completely accurate in all areas of our life.

We had problems ranging from money to child rearing. We had problems in the sexual arena. We had a huge gap in our personalities, and we both had extreme needs that the other person could not meet. And in hindsight, I can tell you something about marriage that everyone should heed …

valentines :P 

You have to be a whole person to attract a whole person and two halves do not make a whole! I cannot over emphasize that enough.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but we do not have to set up scenarios to test His promises—as I am positive we will have enough problems in this world to confirm His promises are true.

Remember the Lord said to keep our eyes on Jesus, “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 (NAS) And do not look for a mere mortal to do what only the Lord can accomplish in your heart, “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” Psalms 118:8

To clarify, I am writing this to those Christians who aren’t yet married. If you’re already in a marriage, I’m not telling you to give up on your marriage!

I am saying to take your eyes off of your marriage partner and turn to the Lord and keep your eyes on Him. 

He can and will work through you by His great grace to make your marriage work, if you let Him take control. The word of God tells us, …

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20 (NAS)  

“And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23 (NAS) 

Keep your eyes on Jesus and trust in Him with all of your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6).

He loves you so much. 

He is full of compassion, tender-mercies, and loving-kindness (Psalm 145:8 and Psalms 103:4).

He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Photo by ^@^ina (Irina Patrascu)

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Linking up with – NOBH, Monday’s Musings, Marriage Moment, Matrimonial Monday, and Playdates with God

  • What a great post this is! Thank you for the wise insight.

  • This is so true, Nancy. “You have to be a whole person to attract a whole person.” It was only after I decided God and I would be enough together, just the two of us, that He brought my future husband into my life. Sweet icing on the cake!

  • OutnumberedMom

    And now, I want to hear the rest of the story, Nancy! Such interesting observations, and so incredibly true. “He will…” do so much for us and our marriages…if we let HIM take control. Love that reminder.

  • Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging Nancy, Barbara!

  • Thanks so much for coming by, Lisa. I really resonated with Nancy’s truth here too. We can’t find “completion” in our spouses, a problem that far too many people seek a marriage partner for.

  • Yes, Laura Lee, it’s so important to let God have control of our lives and relationships. That’s our only hope to find healing in a messy marriage. 🙂

  • rboerner

    WOW! I can relate to this story! Many people thought my husband and I belonged together because our story was sweet. Unfortunately our brokenness, definitely not wholeness, has caused much hurt in our relationship. Learning to depend on the Lord and not another person is challenging but has proven to be healing to me in my relationships. Thanks for sharing! Would love to hear more!

  • My first marriage lasted 6 months, and began falling apart not long after the wedding day. We were in love with the idea of love, and that was not enough. This time around I was much more cautious and much less trusting. But we have been together for nearly 18 years and married for almost 16 years. It’s not all sweetness and light … but we are stronger now than we were then. We work at it. While my husband does not go to church, he does have faith. God loves us individually, as a couple and with our children, as a family. We are truly blessed.

  • I’m so glad that you are like me and haven’t settled for brokenness in your marriage but have turned that brokenness over to the Great Redeemer, Becky. Thanks so much for your constant support in this place, my friend!

  • Yeah, that’s a common problem in the beginning, LuAnn–being in love with the idea of love. I totally get that because that’s the way I was too. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve persevered in your current marriage. That’s got to be a blessing from God. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging Nancy!

  • Ugochi Jolomi

    So very true Beth. If we do not deal with our individual issues, we become a pain in the lives of our spouses.

  • “You have to be a whole person to attract a whole person and two halves do not make a whole!” Isn’t that the truth! Thank you for these wise words, Nancy, and thanks, Beth for introducing me to Nancy.